Bachelor Pad: Episode #5

Chris Harrison is Tweeting ominous things about tonight's episode, which is always a good sign.  Former FMC and Bachelor cast-off Ashley Spivey is also Tweeting about tonight being crazy.  Since it's theoretically impossible for both Chris Harrison and an FMC to lie about the same thing, I have no choice but to assume that the following two hours of television will be epic.  And just in case there's any doubt, former Bachelor Pad winner Natalie Getz is also saying the same things about what happens tonight.  And yes, I know that's a disturbing amount of research to do for a reality show.  Regardless, I expect nothing short of three fights, people coming close to blows, personal insults, and bucket loads of tears, and perhaps even some man-tears.

7:45: The next 15 minutes are going to feel like they're taking forever to get by.

8:00: Yes!

8:02: What?  A VIP cocktail waitress turned bikini waxer could use the prize money?  No way!

8:03: I kinda like Cranky Chris.

8:05: Kalon's smarmy attitude is pretty entertaining, you have to admit.

8:06: Kalon to Chris: "That's how he got Emily."  Shots fired!

8:10: If you recall from this past season of The Bachlorette, Chris also called out Doug for, essentially, disrespecting him because he thought he was talking down to him.  Now he wants Ed to talk to him "like a grown ass man".  How come Chris has been on two different reality shows, and has somehow argued with the two nicest guys on both shows about how he is talked to?  It's interesting to note that it's always the other guy's fault.

8:13: Cranky Chris has turned into Mopey Chris.

8:14: Any challenge where being a Hooters waitress gives you an advantage is probably a bad idea.  Just sayin'.

8:16: Wait a second - Hooters has a VIP area?

8:17: Erica.  So awesome.

8:18: I'd like to see the list of challenges where Erica would have an advantage.

8:19: I'm upset that they're not cutting to Chris doing fist pumps every time Blakely drops the cups.

8:21: A woman's history working as a Hooters waitress is becoming a point of contention on this show.  Name me another show on television where this is even remotely possible.

8:26: 26 minutes into tonight's episode is the first time I've seen Nick on screen.

8:35: I enjoy Happy Lindzi.

8:36: Promotional consideration provided by Neil Lane.

8:37: Anyone want to bet me that Tony won't pull out the stop sign on his overnight date with Blakely?  I'll even give you 2-1 odds on a Blakely sex denial.

8:40: I wonder if I'm going to know someone who knows someone who knows someone who will be on The Bachelor Canada.

8:43: Let's be quite honest.  They were driving through the ghetto.

8:44: Zombie talk on a romantic date.  Um...OK.

8:45: The softer side of Kalon.

8:46: 3 words: Legs wrapped around.

8:48: Somehow Kalon has become the hero and Chris the villain.  This show is awesome.

8:51: Tony has drank some Blakely Kool-Aid.

8:52: "Kalon, are these helicopter keys?"

8:54: But what about your kid, Tony?  WHAT ABOUT YOUR KID???

8:58: Lindzi legs wrapped around count: 2.

9:03: Blakely's definition of "reserved" includes her talking for a full minute, uninterrupted.

9:04: Stags For The Win.

9:05: Holly name drop.

9:06: Quotes from Rachel's interview: "spend the night", "take the next step", and "having those feelings".  Someone wants to make some babies tonight.

9:08: Tony tongue sighting.

9:09: Fantastic editing by the production staff as always.  Especially the cutaway from all the couples to passed out Ed.

9:10: Looks like Rachel got to make some babies after all.

9:12: Nick speaks!

9:17: Looks like it's about to get gooooooood.

9:21: Chris Harrison got a haircut.

9:22: Ed.  Wow.

9:27: "We need to have that conversation, I guess."  Ya think, Ed?!

9:28: Tears.  Oh, the tears.

9:29: Great background music choice for the Ed/Jaclyn exchange.  The production staff on this show is second to none.

9:39: I was just thinking that Chris should bring Erica into the deliberation room with her.  This is effing genius.

9:43: I just realized that I called something that I would have done a genius move.

9:44: It's about to get really good.

9:46: And do you know why Erica will have justice?  Because she has a gavel.  Obviously.

9:49: Bombshell dropped.  Do not mess with Erica Rose.

9:50: Holly reference.  Shots fired.  Oh my.  Oh my.  Oh my.  Oh my.

9:53: This show is the best.

9:55: That Erica Rose diatribe was one for the ages.  Wow.  Still can't believe that actually happened.

9:58: Tonight might have been the greatest episode in the history of Bachelor Pad.