Monday, May 28, 2012

The Bachelorette: Episode #3

Let's get right into it.  Chris Harrison has some interesting Tweets about tonight.

8:00: Here we go!

8:01: Someone's going to have to clean up that egg mess, you know.

8:08: Is it just me, or was the "thunder" that they were showing just the same shot over and over and over again?

8:13: So Emily thought Chris was 30...

8:17: Is anyone else bored to tears right now?

8:18: First kiss on the show in episode 3?  That must be a record for The Bachelor franchise.

8:23: Let's hope this group date will have a pulse, unlike Chris and Emily.

8:24: Emily throws like a girl.  I'm just sayin'.

8:25: A Wolf sighting!

8:26: This is going to be much more interesting.

8:28: The only thing worse than tonight's episode so far was Ashley's entire season.

8:31: If Emily flipped out because Chris was 25, how come she's not going crazy that Alejandro is 24?

8:32: Wolf, ironically, got eaten alive.

8:34: First "right reasons" of the night!

8:35: Cougar alert!  Cougar alert!  Cougar alert!

8:36: I want the cameras to follow Wendy instead of Emily.  She's much more interesting.

8:37: Ginormous Neck Ryan with the first foot in the mouth of the episode.  If Chris Harrison is to be believed, he won't be the last.

8:44: For the record, I am also...selective.

8:45: I think I'm on Team Sean.

8:47: Notice that Doug didn't actually call her mother "Mom" in his story.  Instead, it was just "My dad married a bad person, and then had my sister, and then me."

8:48: Emily chose Arie over Kalon for the one-on-one date.  In other news, the sky is blue.

8:49: New nickname: Tony Tears.

8:55: Whenever Tony talks, the sad piano solo is always playing in the background.

9:01: Emily just made the most graceful elimination ever.  She might not be the most exciting person in the world, but you'll never say she's not graceful.

9:05: We're about twenty minutes away from meeting Angry Egg-Smashing Emily.  I'm looking forward to it.

9:08: Chris looks really weird sometimes.

9:11: Emily : Dolly Parton :: Me : Mario Lemieux

9:15: If you told me that Dolly Parton was 75, I would believe you.  If you told me that Dolly Parton was 35, I would believe you.

9:16: I've decided that if I were ever The Bachelor, my one and only demand would be to have one of my 1-on-1 dates in Pittsburgh where we would play hockey and Mario Lemieux would "surprise" me us by showing up, after which I would swiftly give the 1-on-1 rose to Mario and tell the girl to go home.

9:22: For a second there, I thought Emily was getting bored while Arie was talking.

9:24: Pretending to not choose Arie means that Arie is the frontrunner.

9:25: I was not aware that Dolly Parton had such a good voice.

9:31: Did Emily just use the word "genuine" to describe Kalon?!?!

9:34: It's not even an angry egg toss!

9:35: Who else is suddenly craving an omelette?

9:36: The Shelly toast by the guys was awesome.

9:37: Oh no, Alessandro.  Oh no.

9:38: If you want to woo a woman, do what Alessandro did.  Only the exact opposite.  Wow.

9:43: So...Arie's going to win.

9:45: Good God, Sean.  You're like a frickin' Bachelor cyborg, created specifically for The Bachelorette.

9:50: Who the hell is the guy with the long hair?  Has he said anything this season?

9:51: Just found out his name was Michael.

9:52: I thought it was weird that all of the guys were wearing blush because their cheeks were slightly red.  Then I realized that everyone's had a few cocktails.  Look at Stevie's cheeks and just try to tell me he hasn't had a couple.

9:54: It's so hard to believe that Emily didn't think that a party MC named Stevie would be a good father to Ricki.

9:59: Well, tonight's episode is what I feared when they announced Emily as The Bachelorette.  Two hours of bland Emily just isn't very exciting if there's not a lot going on.  Fortunately, Wendy and Alessandro were there to keep the show afloat, but I don't think this will go down in Bachelorette history as one of the most exciting episodes ever.

10:00: Alessandro is a gypsy and he's not afraid to tell you that.  And on that note, good night.

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