Let's get right into it. Chris Harrison has some interesting Tweets about tonight.
8:00: Here we go!
8:01: Someone's going to have to clean up that egg mess, you know.
8:08: Is it just me, or was the "thunder" that they were showing just the same shot over and over and over again?
8:13: So Emily thought Chris was 30...
8:17: Is anyone else bored to tears right now?
8:18: First kiss on the show in episode 3? That must be a record for The Bachelor franchise.
8:23: Let's hope this group date will have a pulse, unlike Chris and Emily.
8:24: Emily throws like a girl. I'm just sayin'.
8:25: A Wolf sighting!
8:26: This is going to be much more interesting.
8:28: The only thing worse than tonight's episode so far was Ashley's entire season.
8:31: If Emily flipped out because Chris was 25, how come she's not going crazy that Alejandro is 24?
8:32: Wolf, ironically, got eaten alive.
8:34: First "right reasons" of the night!
8:35: Cougar alert! Cougar alert! Cougar alert!
8:36: I want the cameras to follow Wendy instead of Emily. She's much more interesting.
8:37: Ginormous Neck Ryan with the first foot in the mouth of the episode. If Chris Harrison is to be believed, he won't be the last.
8:44: For the record, I am also...selective.
8:45: I think I'm on Team Sean.
8:47: Notice that Doug didn't actually call her mother "Mom" in his story. Instead, it was just "My dad married a bad person, and then had my sister, and then me."
8:48: Emily chose Arie over Kalon for the one-on-one date. In other news, the sky is blue.
8:49: New nickname: Tony Tears.
8:55: Whenever Tony talks, the sad piano solo is always playing in the background.
9:01: Emily just made the most graceful elimination ever. She might not be the most exciting person in the world, but you'll never say she's not graceful.
9:05: We're about twenty minutes away from meeting Angry Egg-Smashing Emily. I'm looking forward to it.
9:08: Chris looks really weird sometimes.
9:11: Emily : Dolly Parton :: Me : Mario Lemieux
9:15: If you told me that Dolly Parton was 75, I would believe you. If you told me that Dolly Parton was 35, I would believe you.
9:16: I've decided that if I were ever The Bachelor, my one and only demand would be to have one of my 1-on-1 dates in Pittsburgh where we would play hockey and Mario Lemieux would "surprise"
9:22: For a second there, I thought Emily was getting bored while Arie was talking.
9:24: Pretending to not choose Arie means that Arie is the frontrunner.
9:25: I was not aware that Dolly Parton had such a good voice.
9:31: Did Emily just use the word "genuine" to describe Kalon?!?!
9:34: It's not even an angry egg toss!
9:35: Who else is suddenly craving an omelette?
9:36: The Shelly toast by the guys was awesome.
9:37: Oh no, Alessandro. Oh no.
9:38: If you want to woo a woman, do what Alessandro did. Only the exact opposite. Wow.
9:43: So...Arie's going to win.
9:45: Good God, Sean. You're like a frickin' Bachelor cyborg, created specifically for The Bachelorette.
9:50: Who the hell is the guy with the long hair? Has he said anything this season?
9:51: Just found out his name was Michael.
9:52: I thought it was weird that all of the guys were wearing blush because their cheeks were slightly red. Then I realized that everyone's had a few cocktails. Look at Stevie's cheeks and just try to tell me he hasn't had a couple.
9:54: It's so hard to believe that Emily didn't think that a party MC named Stevie would be a good father to Ricki.
9:59: Well, tonight's episode is what I feared when they announced Emily as The Bachelorette. Two hours of bland Emily just isn't very exciting if there's not a lot going on. Fortunately, Wendy and Alessandro were there to keep the show afloat, but I don't think this will go down in Bachelorette history as one of the most exciting episodes ever.
10:00: Alessandro is a gypsy and he's not afraid to tell you that. And on that note, good night.