Monday, June 04, 2012

The Bachelorette: Episode #4

Let's hope that this week is a little more exciting than the snoozefest that was last week.  But no matter what happens, I think we can all agree that Emily's season is still miles ahead of the insecure mess that Ashley's turned out to be.

7:30: I had the most delicious mini-cupcake at work today.  They were so good that not even another boring Emily episode can get me down.

7:33: OK, that's a lie.  I had four.

7:38: I might not be upset if it's another boring episode, but there's a good chance I will fall asleep.  That's what happens when you have four mini-cupcakes with the most delicious icing ever.  Mmmm, icing...

7:44: Chris Harrison tweets that he'll be having his first shrink session sit down conversation with Emily tonight. In other words, tonight is guaranteed to be better than last week.

7:52: Tweets like this are the reason why the amateur baseball draft and The Bachelorette should not be on the same night.  But fear not - I know what my priorities are.

7:56: Wondering if I should turn off my laptop as I transition from the laptop in my bedroom to the laptop in my living room.  #firstworldproblems

8:00: Tonight, on The Bachelorette...Bermuda!

8:01: 2-on-1 date!  It's getting better and better.

8:02: What the hell is Alejandro wearing?

8:03: Who would have thought that the guys would be much happier about going to Bermuda than staying in Charlotte?

8:04: Who's going to be babysitting Ricki when Emily's out on a date?  These are the things I think about.

8:06: Unlike Arie, I want to know and see more of the "football team bromance".  Don't you?

8:07: I think Arie's just jealous because he's not part of the football team.  Instead, he's just standing on the sidelines waving his pompoms.

8:08: Oh yeah, I totally just went there.

8:09: In other news, my Twitter feed is blowing up with baseball draft tweets.  When future generations learn about the courage and bravery it takes to sacrifice oneself for the benefit of others, they'll talk about me tonight.

8:10: Doug's insecurity is pretty funny.

8:13: Emily reflects exactly what I was thinking: "Of course Doug started his own charity.  Of course."

8:17: Are we sure that the correct term is "Bermudian"?  What about Bermudes?  Bermies?  Berms?  Bermudinese?  Bermusian?  Berman?

8:20: "I'm not ready to go home yet."  As opposed to all the other guys, who are ready to go home?  Bachelor clichés for the win!

8:24: Emily doesn't work out?  What?!

8:25: "If Emily wants a kiss from Doug, she's going to have to let Doug know."  Doug has entered into professional-wrestler-referring-to-himself-in-the-third-person mode.

8:30: Simon wants to pee, but Simon will have to wait until the next commercial break.

8:31: Of course Sean The Cyborg Specially Designed For The Bachelorette played college football.  Of course.

8:33: "Bermuda Love Triangle".  So awesome.

8:38: Sean The Cyborg Specially Designed For The Bachelorette says that he would have given his right leg  to spend the night popping champagne with Emily.  You know why?  Because cyborgs can get new legs built for them!

8:43: Charlie is not taking the loss well.

8:45: Unlike Doug, Arie is not waiting for a signal from Emily to kiss her.

8:46: Jef with one F has hair that seems to have a life of its own.

8:48: Jef with one F, you did not offer Emily a hand to help her up from the blanket.  C'mon, Jef with one F. I'm cheering for your shy but slightly awkward charm, but you must up your game.

8:52: Ryan The Guy With A Ginormous Neck is a walking quote machine.

8:53: Emily feels like Ryan The Guy With A Ginormous Neck is judging her.  Mostly because Ryan The Guy With A Ginormous Neck is judging her.

8:54: New name for Jef with one F: Jef with one F and a rose!

9:00: Has anyone who was ever on a 2-on-1 date ever been chosen by The Bachelor/ette in the end?  I'm going to guess no.

9:02: Emily claims she is going to enter the 2-on-1 date with an open mind.  So...threesome?

9:07: Emily looks like she overdid her makeup tonight.

9:10: I think Nate freaked Emily out by mentioning him "seeing us together" within three sentences of her asking, "What should I know about you?"

9:12: Nate is sooo going home.

9:13: Chan 1, Natemily 0.

9:14: I want to see some more Nate tears in his exit interview.

9:15: What?!?!?!  No Nate exit interview?  This is outrageous.

9:19: Emily is definitely more tanned tonight than the day before on the 2-on-1.  It makes me wonder what she did during the day.  These are the things I think about.

9:20: You know who wasn't bummed about leaving Charlotte, Emily?  Every guy there.

9:21: "That would be a knuckleball.  That would be beyond a curveball."  This is an incorrect baseball analogy.  Every hitter knows that a knuckleball is coming - there is no surprise factor.  So saying that Ryan The Guy With A Ginormous Neck being sent home would be a knuckleball is saying that it would not be a surprise.  Instead, it would be like saying everybody saw it coming and nobody could do anything about it.  Can someone tell the guys to not misuse baseball analogies?  I will go on a 4 minute typing tangent every time this happens.

9:26: Who is the guy with the ponytail sitting with Ryan The Guy With A Ginormous Neck?  I swear I've never seen or heard him this season.

9:31: There's a lot of necklace action going on with Emily tonight.

9:33: The green blanket was already setup for Chris and Emily before they sat down.  I just want that to be noted.

9:37: Chris.  Wow.  You are a colossal idiot.  Chris was bothered by how Doug wasn't bothered by Chris calling him out, when the entire point of calling Doug out was to get a rise out of him.

9:40: As promised, here's our overdue Chris Harrison head-nodding clinic.

9:42: Hopefully, Emily doesn't have the same "sixth sense" about guys that Ashley had.  Bentley, anyone?

9:46: By the way, how awesome was it when some guy yelled out "Christopher!" when Chris Harrison walked into the room?

9:47: Tonight's episode has been far and away the best one of the season.  Or maybe it's the four mini-cupcakes talking.

9:50: My guess: Ponytail dude and Ryan The Guy With The Ginormous Neck are going home.

9:51: I like how Arie laid a big wet one on Emily's cheek after getting the rose.

9:52: Oh, forgot about Alejandro.  He's totally going home, not Ryan The Guy With The Ginormous Neck.

9:53: Ah damn.  Only 1 out of 2.

9:57: My guess on who Emily goes all Mama Bear on next week: Kalon.  Thoughts?

10:00: I look forward to the running man.

10:01: Easily the most entertaining episode of the season.  Nothing like a bit of competition among the guys to make things interesting.  I'm looking forward to next week.


  1. I love your blog! Keep up the good work! They so made her keep Ryan just for entertainment value...I think Emily is much smarter than I gave her credit for...she slowly growing on me...

  2. I love your blog! times it's actually more entertaining then the show itself...and it only takes few minutes of my life vs 2 hrs:) keep it up...


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