Monday, June 18, 2012

The Bachelorette: Episode #6

Before we get into the main event, have you heard that ABC has revealed the Bachelor Pad cast for this summer?  This show rivals anything and everything else on television, and it might be one of those rare occasions where the spinoff is greater than the original.  Yes, that's right.  I just said that.

Anyway, here are the cast members that are noteworthy:

  • Everybody's favorite VIP cocktail waitress is back!  I wonder if Blakely will continue her hobby of stalker scrapbooking this summer.
  • We get to find out if Lindzi has stopped putting on makeup with a hose since she'll be on the show as well.
  • It says on the link that "Sarah Newlon" from Season 11 will be on.  Yet Wikipedia tells us that Sarah Easton was her name on Season 11.  Looks like soooomebody got married and divorced since Season 11.  And we'll all be better for it if that means Sarah is emotionally unstable and creates a bunch of drama as a result.
  • Stunning and awkward Jamie from Ben's season is back for another season!  She's the clear frontrunner for the much coveted FMC status.
  • Kalon's back!  He's definitely in line to take over the role of show villain from Bachelor Pad legend Kasey.  Kalon, you have some big shoes to fill, so make sure to step up your evilness.
  • Remember Tony from the current season of The Bachelorette?  He was, of course, the single dad who couldn't stand to be away from his son, but only did it because he wanted a shot at love.  In the end, it was too much for him to handle, and Emily voluntold him to go home he and Emily mutually decided it would be best for him to go home.  Well, apparently a shot at love and a shot at $250,000 are both worthy of being away from Tony's son since he's coming back this summer.  I'm pretty sure Tony's not winning another Dad of the Year trophy this year, but I could be wrong.
  • Michael will be attempting to be the first ever repeat Bachelor Pad champion.  However, he'll have to do it with a new partner since his old partner is busy being part of the newly formed Blolly.
  • They're introducing super fans to be part of the show this season.  An interesting quirk that is made even more interesting because a set of twins are involved.  I did a quick Google search.  Do you know why you might have heard of Brittany and Erica Taltos before?  Because they're the ones who The Situation was infamously twinning with in Italy on Jersey Shore!  I'm sure they're in it for the money, and not because they're trying to be famous.  You know how Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt and other famous couples are considered a "super couple"?  If Kalon and one of the twins get together, they'll be the "super famewhore couple".
7:25: I still can't believe that Jersey Shore, twinning, and Bachelor Pad are going to collide this summer.  The producers are geniuses.

7:51: Emily is going to be taking care of business tonight, according to Chris Harrison.  And since Chris Harrison is a demigod and never lies, I look forward to watching Emily's business-taking-care-of skills tonight.

7:59: I just crushed the Final Jeopardy question, which was on right before The Bachelorette.  Holmes & Watson.  Chan 1, Trebek 0.

8:02: The preview of today's episode looks pretty juicy.

8:03: Emily's voice has returned.

8:06: "I feel like the luckiest guy in the world."  A lottery winner somewhere in the world would argue otherwise.

8:07: Travis leaves Emily wanting more.  Interesting play, but I'm not sure if it was intentional or not.

8:10: Ah, good to see that Travis recognizes that he is in the FriendZone.  I wasn't sure if he knew he was in the FriendZone.  As a visitor turned perpetual occupier turned property owner turned real estate magnate turned mayoral candidate of the FriendZone, I always root for guys to get out of the FriendZone.

8:16: Travis, I'm totally identifying with you.  And if I'm identifying with you, that means we have things in common.  And if that's the case, Travis, you're likely doomed.

8:18: *sigh*

8:19: Yes!  Symbolic throwing away of the umbrella!  Yes!

8:20: What the hell?  Did we just skip the commercial break?

8:22: See, the Brave marketing people know how to promote properly.  The movie comes out this weekend.  Unlike that Muppets tie-in a few episodes back, which came six months after the Muppets movie had come out.

8:24: many guys do you think are covered up underneath the kilt, and how many guys are letting the boys fly in the wind?

8:29: Tremendous accent on the guy who was introducing the events.

8:31: Chris, if you have no idea what you're doing, you probably don't want to volunteer to go first.

8:33: Sean The Cyborg Specially Designed For The Bachelorette was clearly going to dominate the Highland Games.  He was, after all, specially designed for the show.

8:35: Chris 1, Chan 0.

8:36: Double rainbow in Croatia!  Whoooooa!  What does it meeeeean?

8:42: If Sean and Emily were to have children, they would be half-cyborg, half- Mother Teresa.

8:43: I like how Jef With One F is quiet and polite, but still takes charge of the situation.  For example, when Emily came to meet him, he didn't ask her if she was cold and wanted his jacket.  He just told her that she was going to take it.  It's a very subtle way of taking charge while still maintaining the nice guy persona.  Well done.

8:47: John "Wolf" is going home.  I just want to know why he's "Wolf" before he goes home tonight.

8:54: Arie's reaction was priceless.

8:56: Ryan might be an idiot, but he's an entertaining idiot.

8:58: Ryan loooooves his trophy wife metaphor.  You'd think he would have picked up on how much Emily doesn't like it by now.  You'd think.

9:04: Emily has a different look on her face at this dinner.  Like she's entertained and bemused by Ryan.  She hasn't given this look to anybody else.

9:09: You have to admire how cocky Ryan is, even after he didn't receive the rose.

9:11: Wait, is Ryan such a smooth talker that he might actually convince Emily to change her mind?!?!?!  If this happens, Ryan will no longer Ryan The Guy With A Ginormous Neck.  He'll be Ryan The Guy With Telekinetic Powers.

9:17: There's still a full plate of food on Emily's plate.

9:18: I expect many Ryan-isms in the limo exit interview.

9:19: Those are some serious turquoise shoes that Ryan is wearing.

9:24: "If Ryan is the next Bachelor, the next bachelorette is a mirror."  Classic.

9:27: Arie's hand is half on her hip, half on her butt.

9:28: Everyone else just saw Arie's tongue, right?

9:36: John, if you're going to pour your heart out, you do it while looking into her eyes, not off into the distance.  You could have had an even bigger impact if you had done that.

9:39: Doug is a bumblin', humblin' mess.

9:40: Did Doug just uglycry?

9:49: I wish Chris Harrison was always just around the corner so I could go to him for advice if I needed to.

9:53: John and the possibility of him explaining "Wolf" are still alive!

9:54: Arie dated a producer on the show?  Are they going to show her on camera?  Are they going to interview her?  What the hell just happened?

9:58: Dudes riding donkeys FTW!

10:00: Another excellent episode.  Emily's really coming into her own and gaining confidence with every episode after dealing with Kalon.  I see nothing but entertaining TV from here on out from her.

1 comment:

  1. I've missed the last two episodes, but I read on Grantland that one of Ryan's criteria for a wife was "Somebody that is a servant." Is that right? Tell me that's a joke.


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