Monday, June 25, 2012

The Bachelorette: Episode #7

The first full season of The Bachelor franchise that I ever watched was Season 14 (Jake's season), which I started watching because of the Rozlyn-sleeping-with-a-producer scandal.  Obviously, I've been hooked ever since, but I would have never started watching had it not been for that incident.  As a result, I've kept a soft spot for any producer-related scandals on reality shows, rare as they are.  That's why I'm so excited for tonight's episode, where Emily finds out about Arie's previous relationship with a producer on the show.  And to make it even better, Arie is the frontrunner right now in my mind.

7:58: I'm very excited for tonight.

8:03: You can't tell me that the tourism board in Prague didn't pay for some advertising this week.

8:07: Heeeeere we go!

8:08: Oh wow, they even name the producer!  And they talk to her and show her on camera!  This is what happens when I suddenly get excited about something!  I can't stop using exclamation marks!

8:12: "Hi, I'm Chris Harrison."  Again, we all know who you are, Chris.

8:15: I enjoyed that candid interview.  A lot of "ya know"s from Emily made it obvious it wasn't a scripted comment or interview.

8:17: Emily's hand was very high up on Arie's leg.

8:21: Again, we all know your name, Chris.  You don't have to introduce yourself once, let alone twice, in an episode.

8:22: Worst build up and letdown ever.

8:23: Look at the smile and the way Emily is looking at Arie.  She's definitely picking Arie at the end.

8:24: Chris, the guy who flipped out on Doug in the first or second episode, is suddenly worried about showing his emotions in front of the other guys.  OK.

8:25: Look at the smile and the way she's looking at him.  Signed, sealed, and delivered.  Lock.  It.  Down.

8:27: Emily essentially just said she loved him too without actually saying the words.  The other guys are playing for second place right now.

8:31: Will we finally get an explanation on John's "Wolf" nickname?  He's clearly not making it to hometown dates next week.

8:32: My prediction for the Final 4 - Arie, Jef With One F, Sean The Cyborg Specially Designed For The Bachelorette, and Doug.

8:34: The last time Emily mentioned "liking someone as a person", she was talking about Travis right before she sent him home.

8:39: The only thing that could possibly save Wolf at this point is if he just started howling at the moon.  At least that way, he'd be showing Emily some passion.  Hold her hand, for God's sakes.  Make a move.  Do something!

8:40: Emily just said she felt sorry for him.  Words a guy never wants to hear from a woman.

8:46: Sean The Cyborg Specially Designed For The Bachelorette has a malfunction in his programming.  What the hell is he doing?

8:48: Emily kept on rubbing Sean's arm like she was trying to start a fire with the friction.

8:52: I can't believe Sean The Cyborg Specially Designed For The Bachelorette actually ran around the city and found Emily.  He must have installed some kind of tracking program before he ran out of the house.  That's the only explanation.  How else can you explain someone randomly running around in a foreign city and actually finding a moving target in less than 5 minutes?

8:53: I always thought Chris was kinda creepy from the time he flipped out on Doug at the beginning of the season.  It seems that might have been justified if these previews are to be believed.

8:58: Arms crossed.  Not even facing her face to face.  No, Doug.  No.

9:01: Doug uglycry time - I'm calling it.

9:02: Yes, Doug.  Your girl radar is totally broken.

9:03: Oh, he's on the verge of the uglycry.  Just let it happen, Doug.  LET IT HAPPEN.

9:04: And there it is!  I knew Doug wouldn't let me down!

9:05: I've figured it out - we discover the origin of Wolf's nickname...when Emily visits his hometown and meets his family and friends.  That's so obvious - I should have been able to figure that out.  By default, that means Chris is the other guy going home tonight since there's no way that Cyborg, One F, or Arie are going home.

9:08: That's not even a man's key.  That's a cyborg's key.

9:14: "So awkward."  I agree, Emily.

9:18: Anyone else find some of these dolls creepy?

9:20: Jef With One F was absolutely killing it with the MJ doll.

9:21: Jef With One F is the next Bachelor.

9:23: The puppet play is strangely riveting.

9:25: Emily doesn't kiss Jef With One F with nearly the same passion as Arie.

9:30: Is it just me, or does Emily look more tanned for Jef's date than the previous day?

9:35: What the hell did Jef With One F say as they finished the date?  Can someone with PVR clarify that and get back to me?  Because I think I know what I heard...and if it is what I thought it was, it's brilliant: "I want to date you so bad and marry the **** out of you."

9:37: Crazy Chris Time!

9:38: Why is Arie leading this group discussion?  This would be the perfect spot for Chris Harrison.

9:39: I can't believe I just called a Chris Harrison appearance a minute before it happened.

9:40 I look forward to Chris' exit interview.  What's going to happen?  Crazy laughter?  Tears?  Uglycry?  Angry rant?  Punches out the window?  Demands to get out of the car so he can walk?  Any or all of these things could happen.

9:47: The sad but dramatic violin solo to kick off the final segment foreshadows an epic scene between Chris and Emily in about two minutes.

9:51: I have no idea what's going to happen right now.  This is why this show is so awesome, even though these two guys don't have a chance in hell of winning.

9:52: And boom goes the dynamite!

9:54: Oh, going old school with the exit vehicle this episode!

9:55: This episode will just makes Chris' exit next week that much more epic.

10:04: A great, great episode.  Despite the letdown of Arie's relationship with the producer, this episode is an instant classic as far as I'm concerned.  You had Doug getting sent home, Arie doing his thing, Chris losing his mind, Cyborg roaming the streets, then suddenly peaceful One F to change the pace, followed by a tense and dramatic rose ceremony after a chat with Chris Harrison.  That's all I could really ever ask for in an episode.  I look forward to Emily's emotional meltdown next episode.

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