Monday, August 13, 2012

Bachelor Pad: Episode #4

Courtesy of Grantland Reality TV Czar Dave Jacoby, I pass along the great gift that is the Michael Stagliano power ballad music video.  Yes, this absolutely happened.  Shockingly, it's pretty good, given the low expectations that have been set by previous reality TV stars who tried to start a music career, with undeniably disastrous results.

7:59: I'm very excited for tonight.

8:07: FMC Jamie says she feels like she can't turn to anyone in the house.  As far as I'm concerned, that's her way of saying she wishes I was on the show with her.  Clearly.

8:10: These "truth" challenges are always brutal.  Sh!t gets real.

8:12: It's not Kalon?!

8:13: "I'm so misunderstood."  Kalon is slowly winning me over.

8:15: "Sexy thoughts" for the win.

8:24: Oh Jamie.

8:27: Maybe I'm blinded by her FMC-ness, but I feel bad for Jamie and don't think she's done anything wrong besides being a bit naive.

8:32: I love that there's a fight over Ed, the naked drunk guy.

8:34: Chavez Ravine!  Best date ever.

8:35: "Who doesn't have a crush on Ed?"  Does this include man-crushes, because I'm guilty if that's true.

8:36: Only on this show could a guy who gets drunk, ends up naked in the hot tub, and sleeps with different women on consecutive nights, be the basis of a "Who doesn't have a crush on Ed?" rhetorical question.

8:42: How many times do people in the confessional use the word "everyone" to project their feelings on one person?  "Everyone is annoyed with Blakely."  "Jamie has hit on every guy."

8:45: Oh Jamie.  My god.

8:46: Ed has the same reaction to fireworks at Dodger Stadium as drunken sex.

8:48: Jamie likes to talk.  I would listen.

8:49: I wonder if Jamie would think I'm "surprisingly wonderful"...

8:53: Well done, Chris.  Well done.

8:55: I still can't believe he did that.  Chris is like a superhero villain.

8:56: Oh Jamie.  Ooooh Jamie.  This is what we call "rationalizing".

8:57: By the way, Jamie's going home tonight.  I'm calling it right now.

9:13: Love the porn music starting up when Sarah jumped on Chris' lap in the pool.

9:15: Let's make one thing clear.  Blakely didn't "get over" Chris.  Blakely got rejected, and had no other choice but to move on.

9:17: Oh no, Jamie.  Oh no.

9:19: Jamie is like the car wreck that you can't help but stare at as you drive by.

9:23: Is there any way that David and Jamie aren't going home tonight?

9:26: Gotta give Dave credit for finding the Nick soft spot.  He's learned a lot from the first day.  Mad respect.

9:27: Nick speaks!

9:31: Why didn't Jamie hook up with Nick instead?  He seems like a nice guy and he's pretty good looking.  Actually, why hasn't any of the girls hooked up with him?  Is it because he also never speaks in the house just like on the show?

9:41: Kalon is absolutely killing it on this show.  He's effing brilliant.

9:47: As I said, is there any way that David and Jamie aren't going home tonight?

9:49: The Jamie goodbyes will be interesting.

9:50: Hell hath no fury like a Blakely scorned.

9:51: Jamie tears time.  I'm calling it.  Once more, for old time's sake.

9:52: David tears instead!  Swerve!

9:53: You can trust 'ol Channy, Jamie.

9:54: I love that Blakely is leading the toast.

9:55: Next week looks epic.

9:56: I think it's safe to say that I'm a huge fan of this show, but even I would never say that being on the show was the greatest four weeks of my life like Dave did in the limo.  Like, c'mon dude.  That's just a  silly statement.

9:59: Are people going to watch Bachelor Canada?  Or is that going to be a poor man's version of the American version that nobody watches, like Canadian Idol?

10:00: Stags is a breakout musical star!

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