Sunday, July 22, 2012

The Bachelorette: Season Finale & After The Final Rose

I logged into Facebook and found this.

This is clearly what the people want, and this is what they'll get.  Hopefully it won't be too boring as we go through a two hour charade of pretending that Emily isn't going to choose Arie at the end of the finale.  The only issue to be resolved is how tall Jef With One F's hair will be during the finale.  If you haven't been paying attention, it seems to have slowly grown every episode, culminating in his Utah date where his hair might have been legitimately 5 inches high.  I wonder if it'll grow to 6 inches tonight. (That's what she said.)

7:05: In case you were wondering, I'll be blogging during the two hour finale as well as After The Final Rose tonight.  That's right - three hours of Chan tonight.  As if there was any doubt.  It'll be interesting to see if my new laptop can go three hours unplugged.  Just because I was told it can by the salesperson when I bought it doesn't necessarily mean it actually will.  And no, I did not ask the salesperson, "So will the battery be able to last for three hours so that I can watch the season finale of The Bachelor or The Bachelorette with it by my side?"  But I was definitely thinking it.

7:16: And just a reminder, Bachelor Pad is starting tomorrow night.  No need to re-hash my Bachelor Pad cast preview from a few weeks ago, but I'm excited about officially anointing Jamie as an FMC within five minutes of her emerging from the limo, along with wondering how much of d-bag Kalon can be.  As a result, I'll be live-blogging Bachelor Pad every week, so feel free to join me tomorrow night as well.  Yes, that's right - five hours and two nights of live blogging.  Even I'll be sick of me by tomorrow night.

7:25: Chris Harrison is setting high expectations for tonight.

7:31: In related news, it's a toss up between Chris Harrison head nods and any mention of Ricki as the drinking game tonight.  The mentions of Ricki will be dispersed throughout the show, so you'll have a good buzz going throughout the whole night.  However, if you go with Chris Harrison head nods, you won't be drinking at all for long stretches, and then all of a sudden, you'll have to take ten drinks within a two minute span.  Both will be equally good drinking games in its own way, so feel free to either one.  Choose both, however, and you run the risk of ending up at the hospital with alcohol poisoning.  Don't say I didn't warn you.

8:00: Here we go!

8:02: Is something up?  Why are they starting in the studio live instead of doing the two hours finale first?

8:03: Chris Harrison, this isn't the most anticipated television event of the summer.  Bachelor Pad is.

8:04: First Ricki mention.

8:05: I'm fascinated to hear from Emily's parents.  I don't remember them at all from Brad's season.

8:07: Second Ricki mention, this time by Suzy.  If this was your drinking game tonight, I think you'll be buzzed in about half an hour.

8:10: Jef With One F, Gentle Soul.

8:12: Jef With One F is running through the Maynard family gauntlet tonight.

8:13: Ricki mention by Jef With One F.  Everybody on the show wants you to get drunk tonight!

8:14: Why is Emily surprised that her family is a big fan of Jef With One F?  Isn't it pretty obvious that this guy is for realz and exactly the type of guy parents love?

8:17: Not just across America, Chris Harrison.  North America.

8:20: Ricki mention by Arie.  Everybody on the show is chipping in with the drinking game.

8:21: I like that Emily's brother called Arie out on him being a smooth talker.  He seems like a no BS kinda guy.

8:22: Now her dad is chipping in with the drinking game.  Are you drunk yet?

8:26: Did you notice that both of the guys walked away from where Emily and her family were staying?  How come a car wasn't there to pick them up?  How far did the guys have to walk?  Were the guys just staying around the corner?  Or were they going to be picked up by a driver?  But if they were going to be picked up by a driver, why couldn't the driver just pick them up in front of Emily's place?  These are the things I think about.

8:27: I'm not sure if you've heard, but they have the sound from the live studio audience very faintly in the background, so you can hear them laughing during funny moments.  This isn't a freakin' sitcom.  This is serious business.  This is The Bachelorette.  Turn that crap off.

8:31: Is Emily's brother's future wife better looking than Emily?  Discuss.

8:35: Interesting - Emily was driven away after meeting with her family.  How come Arie or Jef With One F weren't driven away?  How come the guys had to walk?  It's not like Emily's vehicle or driver would have been busy, so how come the guys couldn't be driven away by the same driver?  These are the things I think about.

8:36: Half an hour in, and my laptop battery tells me that I still have 90% strength left, equivalent to 5 hours and 17 minutes.  Crisis averted.

8:37: C'mon, Chris Harrison.  There was no way that the crowd was "kinda split" between Arie and Jef With One F.  They were clearly on Team Misspelled Names.

8:39: I've figured out the difference between Emily's relationship with Jef With One F and Arie.  Her relationship with Jef With One F is more of an innocent love, while her relationship with Arie is more "lust-y", if that makes any sense.

8:41: A single strand of Jef's hair is being extremely rebellious on the beach, and it's the only thing I can focus on.

8:43: GAME CHANGER!  Jef With One F is meeting Ricki.  Was it just me, or did it seem like Emily wouldn't have agreed to let him meet her if he hadn't wanted to meet her so badly?  And if that's the case, will Arie will have the same opportunity?  I get the feeling that Arie won't be as insistent as Jef With One F was, but will Emily feel an obligation to afford the same chance to Arie just because she did so with Jef With One F?  Because I highly doubt that she wouldn't have Arie meet with Ricki, yet have Jef With One F meet her, and then choose Arie in the end.  Which is why...GAME CHANGER!

8:46: By the way, anyone who was playing the Ricki drinking game is going to be passed out before the end of the show.

8:50: I'm way too excited for this meeting with Ricki.

8:52: Forget Emily, I think I just swooned for Jef With One F.

8:57: I was 100% positive that Emily was going to choose Arie tonight.  I now have no idea what's going to happen.

9:02: Jef With One F needs to improve his eye contact when he says something substantial.  He said, "I can tell you're a good mom"...but with his eyes looking down the entire time, before looking up after he said it.  He has to let go, look her in the eye, and just go for it.

9:05: Jef With One F is definitely not as liberal as Arie with his tongue.

9:11: Chris Harrison mentioning the one F was fantastic.  That's why he's the best.

9:12: Chris Harrison head nod drinking game people, you're on notice.

9:16: JEF!  JEF!  JEF!  JEF!  The one F wins!  I want to change my name to "Symon" in his honor.

9:17: I can't believe Emily is choosing Jef With One F, even though he's definitely the best choice for her.  I just assumed that she would pull a Jake/Ben and make the wrong choice.

9:21: I still can't believe she chose him.  Holy crap.

9:23: The editors are doing an unbelievably fantastic job of showing how Arie is doomed and how he doesn't see it coming with these first couple of minutes with his interviews.

9:25: I've lost count of how many "How are you?"s they've exchanged in the first two minutes.

9:26: "Jef" is trending on Twitter right now.

9:31: I look forward to Sean's season of The Bachelor.

9:34: This finale is living up to everything I could possibly have hoped for.

9:36: "Poor Arie" is trending on Twitter right now.

9:42: Ashley S!  Ashley S!  An FMC blast from the past!  This is the greatest finale ever.

9:47: I'm excited for the proposal.

9:48: I love that Emily considers Jef With One F as someone "with an edge".

9:50: Ah, Neil Lane.  A Bachelor/ette tradition and rite of passage.

9:55: What?  No helicopter entrance for the last rose ceremony?  This is an outrage!

9:58: Really?  They couldn't drive Jef With One F up instead of having him walk?

10:00: I enjoyed Jef's little pause after he entered before walking to Emily.

10:03: Promotional consideration paid for by Neil Lane.

10:05: The editing staff always does a great job.  A fantastic video montage.

10:11: Are we allowed to discuss Emily's blemish, or is that in poor taste?

10:22: It's journal readin' time!

10:31: To spare myself a huge rant, I'm just going to assume that Arie's journal was something he typed into a laptop, and the printed pages of his journal are what's in that envelope, and not an actual written journal.

10:37: Jef With One F called Arie?  That's pretty impressive.

10:41: It's really hard to come up with something interesting to say when Jef With One F speaks since he's such a ridiculously good person.

10:44: I just realized that I chose The Bachelorette over Breaking Bad tonight.  I say I just realized it because I never even thought of watching anything other than this tonight.

10:46: The picture-in-picture watching of the proposal is always a touching moment.

10:47: Jef With One F totally tearing up in the picture-in-picture.

10:48: Crap, I think I'm tearing up it's getting dusty in my condo.

10:51: So...Jemily? Ef? Jefily?  What are going we going with here?

10:53: I've decided on Jemifly.

10:59: I must say, that was a pretty epic finale to a solid season.  I'm still shocked that Emily didn't choose Arie, though it was much less surprising after Ricki entered the picture.

11:04: Looking forward to Bachelor Pad tomorrow night!

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