Monday, July 23, 2012

Bachelor Pad: Season Premiere

True story: I was staying late at work today, and was thinking of staying right until 7:45 because of the amount of work I had to do.  At precisely 7:05, my computer initiated a software update.  There was no "Cancel" button.  I had no choice but to go home.  It was like my computer was telling me that I couldn't risk missing even a minute of the Bachelor Pad premiere.

7:54: I'm really excited for Bachelor Pad tonight.  You know what else I'm excited for?  Mariah Carey hosting American Idol, that's what.  I have no choice but to make a triumphant return to watching that show after a five year hiatus in 2013.  The only question is who will gain the next coveted title of American Idol FMC, following in the glorious footsteps of Kristy Lee Cook and the immortal Kellie Pickler.  And no, I don't have a type, I don't know what you're talking about.

7:56: Speaking of Idol, would it shock you that I'm going to the Kelly Clarkson The Fray concert this summer?  And what's the right way to phrase that?  If the proper English grammar is "the Mariah Carey concert", would I have to call this "the The Fray concert"?

7:58: Crap, I haven't finished eating dinner yet.  This is going to be multi-tasking at its finest.

8:00: Yes!  So excited!  They just jump right into it - I love it.

8:02: Chris Harrison, you don't need to introduce yourself.  We know who you are.  Sorry, but that's tradition.

8:04: How is Lindzi wearing EVEN MORE makeup this season?!

8:06: I love that Reid and Ed are rivals and are on the show.  Nice job by casting.

8:07: Yes!  "Frienemies"!

8:09: "Helicopter fuel is expensive." Classic.

8:12: I love that Chris Harrison just referred to the cast members as "stars".  That's just a wee bit of exaggeration, and I'm someone who loves this show.

8:13: "I have a secret.  I love to watch The Bachelor and The Bachelorette."  Well, it's only a secret if you make it a secret, dude.  I watch those shows, yet it's somehow not a secret for me.  Are you a little ashamed there, SWAT boy?  If you watch these shows, you gotta just own it.

8:14: Well, hello there, Donna.  I love that they went slo-mo for his montage.

8:15: "I like Blakely, of course."  Yes, of course...

8:16: Twinning!

8:23: I just want to point out that everybody greets Chris Harrison like he's their best friend.  Again, best host ever.  He can do no wrong.

8:26: Ed is a bit of a jackass.

8:28: Blakely's ABC bio says she's 28.  I wasn't aware that the website was set up 6 years ago.

8:32: Jamie.  Swoon.

8:34: I love that Kalon and Erica Rose are in the same social circle.  Is anyone shocked by this?

8:35: Kalon, you do not treat Chris Harrison as the valet.  How dare you.

8:38: There's a 50/50 chance that Donna has butt implants.

8:41: I'm calling them the squinting twins.

8:48: Even Chris Harrison doesn't know how to react to naked Ed.

8:49: What the hell is Ed doing?

8:52: Ed is amazing.

8:53: Where's the heeeeat?

8:57: I enjoy casual plaid Chris Harrison.

9:00: Yes, Lindzi, we remember from Ben's season that you're afraid of heights.

9:04: Man, those twins are annoying.

9:09: An hour and ten minutes into the premiere, and we've already seen four people blurcled.

9:12: Can I also "talk" to Jamie?

9:13: The first tears of the season, an hour and 13 minutes into the premiere.  This show is the best.

9:19: Dave forgot to pack sunscreen.

9:21: Dave is not exactly a master strategist.

9:38: I'm a fan of Reid and Paige, or as I like to call them, Rage.  Too bad Paige is going home.

9:42: Kalon the villian!

9:48: I'm not accustomed to seeing sober Ed.

9:49: Jamie!

9:50: I like that the guys kept Donna around just because she's hot.

9:52: Dave is a total idiot.

9:53: You're right, SWAT.  It was very cool that you got a picture with Chris Harrison.

9:55: Bachelor Pad, how did I go a whole year without you?

10:00: Chris Harrison taking Kalon's car for a spin was unbelievably awesome.

10:01: This season looks epic.

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