Monday, July 30, 2012

Bachelor Pad: Episode #2

I'm starting to incorporate sayings from The Bachelor franchise into my everyday use.  For example, I channelled my inner Chris today at work by sending out an e-mail that simply said, "On a scale of 1 to Compelling, where would this be?"  I'm not even joking.

Speaking of Chris, I look forward to Quietly Full Of Rage Chris unleashing Getting My Mack On Chris upon the Bachelor Pad house.  And if that leaves FMC Jamie upset and ready to run into my waiting arms, so be it.

8:01: Did I see girls making out?  Yes, yes I did.

8:02: Twins.  Annoying.

8:03: This is the first time that I've been upset with the Bachelor/ette/Pad producers.  Whoever was involved with the decision to cast the twins really needs to get a stern talking to.

8:06: Erica Rose doing gymnastics?  Yes, I would like some of that, please.

8:16: Leotards for men = Mantards?

8:20: Did the producers choose JP and Ashley because there were no girls on Bachelor Pad from Brad's season of The Bachelor with Ashley and they didn't want biased judges?  Because that would be kind of amazing.

8:24: Respect The Worm.

8:27: Michael is pretty awesome.

8:32: Why is Jamie still in her leotard while talking to Donna?

8:34: Does Erica Rose really think that the twins aren't going home tonight?

8:35: Jamie in a bikini.  Swoon.

8:44: Jamie, not a drinker.

8:45: Oh no, Ryan.  Oh no.

8:46: Bring home to the family?  Have kids?  You made out with Chris once, Jamie.  Let's slow it down just a bit.

8:47: Yes, Michael.  You're doing something for Donna.  You're making out with a hot chick for her sake.  You do not get any benefit at all from this.  Not at all.

8:49: Oh Jamie.  So naive.

8:50: Donna has what the Macho Man calls "jealous eyes".

8:51: "I have to solidify the alliance."  If that's what you want to call it...

8:52: Seeing someone you have feelings for hookup with someone else in front of you would kinda suck.  But to do it on your birthday brings it to a whole new level of suckiness.

8:54: It's tough to see the FMC so upset.

8:56: Chris, Manwhore.

8:59: Why isn't Chris Harrison hosting the soapbox derby?  Why is it this old dude?  This is upsetting.

9:00: David say, "I think my plan is working."  Was your plan to completely botch the vote last week, followed by being invited on a group date out of pity?  Because if that's the case, then yes, your plan is working.

9:02: Really?  Chris Harrison couldn't have done the 20 seconds of play-by-play announcing?  They had to bring in someone else to do it?

9:03: That's an impressive trophy.  And he pulls a Stanley Cup by drinking out of it?  Ed is all kinds of awesome.

9:11: Oh Blakely, I see what you did there.

9:16: Ed and the trophy is awesome.

9:17: Pickle!  Yeah buddy!

9:18: God bless America indeed.

9:19: Calling the twins a train wreck is unfair to train wrecks.

9:21: You know it's bad when Erica Rose is rightfully saying that you're being overly dramatic.

9:26: The twins actually remind me of someone I know.  It is not at all enjoyable to be in her presence.  I can't imagine what it's like to be around two of them.

9:30: The twins are the worst casting decision in the history of the Bachelor franchise.

9:36: I'm digging Jamie's black gloves.

9:39: Reid, still bitter about Jillian.

9:40: Erica used the gavel.  Amazing.

9:42: Sarah has baggage.  There's no other reason to explain how a girl could hook up with a guy, vote for him to leave the next day, then be upset once she realized that she voted for the guy she enjoyed spending time with.  Baggage.  There's no other explanation.  Probably something about how she pushes away people she cares for so she doesn't have a chance to be hurt by them because she's been hurt in the past.  By the way, my shrink sessions come free of charge.

9:43: Ed cannot believe that his future will be dictated by Jamie.  For the record, I would like Jamie to dictate my future.

9:50: I'm still confused by this whole Kalzi situation.

9:51: If we're robbed of more Ed this season because of Sarah being an emotional baggage-carrying mess, I'm going to be upset.

9:52: More proof that Jamie is awesome.

9:53: Why is Reid leading the toast?

10:00: I can't tell if the girls teaching gymnastics are 12, 18, or 24 years old.  All are equally plausible.


  1. You have blogtastic competition

    Was Ashley Spivey ever a FMC?

    ps: the next Bachelor is Brad!

  2. Of course Ashley S was an FMC.


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