Monday, January 28, 2013

The Bachelor: Episode #4

I'm excited for Bachelorette Roller Derby tonight.  There's nothing quite like taking a bunch of women who have been locked together in the same house for over a week and putting them into a competition that involves physical contact.  I'm setting the official "Sean is going over to make sure that bachelorette is OK after that fall" over/under at 2.5 (for the record, I'll take the over).

7:32: And it's official - the Chris Harrison Collection is happening!

7:59: How long will it take for Sean to be shirtless this episode?

8:02: Well, that didn't take long - 2 minutes.

8:03: Lesley!

8:03: Simmer down, Leslie.  You are among 12 women who didn't get the date.  How come nobody else is crying except you?

8:04: Selma says people are quick to judge her and that she's more than just a pretty face.  Duh.  She's also got nice boobs.  As I said in my season preview, there's no way those are real.

8:07: They are mesmerizing.  I am mesmerized.  Mesmerization is occurring.

8:11: I am completely under Selma's spell right now.

8:14: Don't worry, Selma.  If you fall during the climb, just try to land boobs first so you'll bounce right back up.

8:18: The Team Selma Bandwagon is officially full.

8:20: Update - they've just upgraded the Team Selma Bandwagon to the Team Selma Tour Bus.

8:25: I have never seen the girl reading the group date card before.  Did she just join the show?

8:28: Whoa whoa whoa.  Did Selma just say that they'll have to wait until she's "his only lady"?  There's NO way she'll last until the end without even kissing him.  This is the same dude who just set a Guiness Book of World Records for longest kiss, right?

8:31: Is Roller Derby a two-armed sport?  It's a legitimate question.

8:35: Whoa, this is quite a different version of Amanda than the Mopey Amanda we saw from the first couple of nights.

8:37: Robyn with the splits.  That looked painful.  Except she's not a dude.

8:38: Amanda is showing crazy good form on her crossovers.

8:40: AshLee isn't just a Personal Organizer who organizes things.  She's organizing OAS's life.

8:42: First "Sean checks on a girl who fell down" tonight.  Two more to go!

8:49: Very disappointed in the lack of roller derby.

8:53: Quite the death stare from Tierra when Sean asked to spend some time with OAS.

8:56: Ah!  Daniella is the mystery girl.

9:00: Forget about this stupid Tierra drama.  Two words: HOT TUB!

9:01: I'm going to go out on a limb and say that Tierra didn't have many friends in high school.

9:04: Oh no, Sean.  Oh noooooooooo.

9:10: Do the producers of the show rent the cars?  Does ABC have a rental car budget?  Does ABC just ow a fleet of fancy vehicles to use at their disposal?  These are the things I think about.

9:13: Leslie is way too happy to be here.  She needs to tone it down.  If it's so over-the-top obvious that you've never experienced any type of luxury in your life, it brings to light the gap between you and Sean.  It's OK to be happy, but you gotta tone it down.

9:15: Sean is looking very James Bond-y in his tux.

920: "If I'm ever going to have romantic feelings about Leslie, tonight's the night."  Not a good sign for Leslie.

9:21: Seriously, he's looking very James Bond-y right now.

9:22: Nice knowing you, Leslie...

9:24: Oh wow, he's holding the rose, even though he's going to give it to her...

9:25: Waterworks in 3...2....

9:26: I want to see a shot of a slow dramatic fall of a rose.  I can feel it coming.

9:28: As if Leslie only packed that one tiny bag for the show.  C'mon.

9:29: There it is - the shot of the rose falling!  Is it a good thing or a bad thing that I can predict exactly what's going to happen on this show?

9:34: Am I the only person to notice that Sean got a haircut between the Leslie date and the rose ceremony?

9:35: When Robyn gets sent home, it's going to be horrific.

9:37: Yes Tierra, they've judged you from day 1.  Because you've been a total bizatch to everyone.

9:38: This is the most amazing non-apology apology ever.

9:43: It's so hard to believe that Tierra can't get along with other girls.  Why would that be?

9:47: Daniella is going home tonight.

9:48: You know what smart people don't need to do, Tierra?  Smart people don't feel the need to tell other people that they're smart because they know they're smart.  Only insecure dumb people feel the need to tell other people that they're smart.

9:52: Dez!

9:53: Not nearly enough screen time for FMC Lesley or Dez tonight.  That better change next week, Sean.

9:55: Swerve!  Didn't see that coming.  Why does Amanda have this weird smile on her face?

9:56: Chris Harrison with a bit of a screw-up at the end.  He is only supposed to say "If you didn't receive a rose, please take a moment to say your goodbyes" if multiple women are leaving the rose ceremony.  If it's only one person going home, he's supposed to address that person specifically.  Why wasn't there an "Amanda, please take a moment to say your goodbyes?"

9:57: Two episodes next week!  But I have ball hockey Tuesday nights.  What am I going to do next week?!

10:00: Sean Lowe, Stalling King.

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