By the way, three weeks until the end of the season and we still don't know who the next Bachelorette is going to be. Does that mean they're not doing a Bachelorette season this year? Or waiting until the fall to launch it? This is upsetting. I need more Chris Harrison in my life.
7:53: Very intrigued by tonight, especially given the news about Sean being a born-again virgin with fantasy suites on the horizon tonight.
7:59: Here we go!
8:02: Sean is wearing some bright shorts.
|My shorts must match the colour of the roses I hand out.|
8:04: My main takeaway from the Catherine recap is that Sean is a dork looking for a dork.
8:06: Is it even possible to put together a recap of AshLee's relationship with Sean without a shot of her crying?
|Shockingly, AshLee shed tears while talking about her issues.|
|It's really something that the girl who showed up in a wedding dress is still here.|
8:09: Who had 9 minutes in the "How long into the episode until they show Sean shirtless?" pool?
8:16: Neon birds!
|I'm sure PETA would have something to say about this.|
8:21: Monkeys! Monkeys!!! MONKEYS!!!
|Lindsay was rockin' that bikini.|
8:34: It was cute how Lindsay was so nervous before telling Sean she loved him.
8:36: Sean keeps on saying that he is not just looking for a wife, he is looking for his best friend. Somewhere in Dallas, his current best friend is very upset.
8:43: AshLee with the quote of the episode: "I don't do caves."
8:46: Why does AshLee need to turn everything she does with Sean into a freakin' metaphor about her insecurities? We get it, you have issues.
|It's not just a cave. It represents my life.|
9:01: Has anyone else noticed that Sean's kissing technique doesn't look...ideal?
|I'm gonna say that this might be too much tongue.|
9:19: "I never thought a boy like him would like a girl like me." Really? "Boy"? Are you twelve, Catherine?
9:26: Chris Harrison sit-down interview time. This is always good.
9:27: You can totally read between the lines - Sean is sending AshLee home.
9:38: Sean is giving the "I know I'm about to destroy this girl's world" face during AshLee's video.
9:45: Lindsay! Did she just randomly swear for no reason before Sean even handed out a rose?
|Yep, she sure did.|
9:46: Cue the AshLee tears in 3...2....1...
9:47: LONGEST. PAUSE. EVER.
9:48: AshLee suddenly looks like a psychotic serial killer.
9:49: AshLee, the queen of metaphors, decides to go with one more. I'm a strong, independent woman. I do not need you to open this door for me. I can open it myself.
9:50: I think it's safe to say that AshLee's emotional walls are back up.
|Walls back up? Confirmed.|
9:59: The Women Tell All is going to be epic. Think of all the storylines: Dez, her brother, and how Sean made the biggest mistake of his life. Lesley and what could have been if she had just dropped the L-bomb. AshLee's exit. Sarah and her one-armedness. Tierra. It's going to be amazing.
Late breaking news: They're announcing The Bachelorette on the season finale of The Bachelor. I really really really hope it's Lesley or Dez.