Monday, February 13, 2012

Bachelor Episode #7: Live Running Diary

Live from the Chantastic couch, I'm ready for another week of craziness if my laptop can manage to hang on for another two hours.  My laptop screen has been randomly turning off the last few days, so if my posts disappear halfway through the show, blame it on my computer...or Courtney The Model (CTM) for inducing a seizure with her bouncing blurcles after going topless for the third show in a row.

7:45: It's quarter to eight.  Do you know where your desperate single daughters are?

7:50: If it's the night before Valentine's Day and I'm watching The Bachelor alone on my couch, should I be eating ice cream straight from the bucket or eating a whole bag of chips?  I want to know what would make the more compelling visual.

7:57: Crap.  Now I'm actually hungry, and the only prescription that can solve my problem is potato chips or ice cream.  That, or more cowbell.

7:58: Did you know that Chris Harrison hosted one of those red carpet shows before the Grammys last night?  No?  Um, neither did I.

7:59: Jeopardy! was on before The Bachelor.  Apparently it's the first half of the college tournament finals.  I'm not nearly as excited about this as Alex Trebek.

8:01: People have alternately compared Ben to Rafael Nadal and a rat.  I never really saw it until the start of the show when he was squinting into the camera.  Total rat-face.  I'm tempted to call him Splinter from now on.

8:04: The color of Chris Harrison's shirt can only be described as pastel blue.

8:05: I was just about to say that Nicki was my favorite remaining girl, then she goes and starts crying for no reason whatsoever five minutes into the show.  The title of FMC among the remaining girls remains up for grabs.

8:08: Who am I kidding?  Casey is my one and only this season.

8:09: But seriously, does anyone out there know any single girls who are like Casey?  I've got my Neil Lane ring and a camera crew ready to capture my awkward proposal.

8:11: Now I'm hungry for cheesecake.

8:12: Did anyone else just notice that Lindzi actually pronounces the first "T" in important?  Rewind it to the part where she starts talking about how it's important to have a playful and quirky conversation.  Or something like that.

8:13: How many times has Ben said this season, "I don't know if she'll be able to do this," and then two minutes later, she is able to do this?

8:14: I didn't even recognize Lindzi in the interview after her helicopter jump.  Then I realized why - the water washed away the tons of makeup she had on her face, and we saw her real non-overly-bronzed-face without the makeup.  Mrs. G-Unit's theory about Lindzi's makeup was spot on.  Notice how after she's back in the house, she returns as bronzed Lindzi - she's had time to put her makeup back on.  The funny thing is, I think she might look better with the natural look than the Jersey Shore over-tanned look.  Anyone else agree with me?

8:20: As always, great guitar strumming background music by the sound editors to set the mood.

8:23: "Tonight is such an imporTant night." Lindzi pronounced the first T again!  Is anyone else noticing this?

8:25: Lindzi is a lefty.  Ben is not.

8:26: Someone is going to find that bottle and think that two ten year olds wrote the story.

8:32: What if Emily didn't know how to ride a bike?

8:33: Now I'm hungry for a coconut.

8:34: Just try to tell me that lobster conversation wasn't totally staged.

8:36: Now I'm hungry for lobster.  But good lobster.  Not that Red Lobster crap.

8:39: Seriously, I'm really hungry.  This is what happens when I have Subway for dinner at 5:30 after going for an early lunch because I didn't have breakfast.  I wonder if Casey is a good cook.

8:40: They just ran a commercial for Chapman's.  I'm pretty sure that running the commercial during The Bachelor was not a coincidence.  They know their target market.  In related news, I'm back to being hungry for ice cream.  I don't care if it's still winter.

8:42: CTM has a diary.  Of course she does.

8:45: We all saw Emily's tongue during that kiss, right?

8:47: "It took every fiber of my being to not run across the room and punch her in the face."  Needy Kacie (NK), I know how that feels.

8:52: Was it just me or did they blurcle the name of CTM's plane?  CTM is a magnet for the blurcle.

9:05: Don't worry, my computer is still alive and I'm still here.  I'm just transfixed by CTM's ability to turn the tables on Ben.  If I didn't know any better, I'd think that this was an episode of The Bachelorette and CTM was deciding whether to keep Ben on the show.

9:07: Is anyone else hoping that CTM is around next week just so that we could meet her parents?  Are they normal or crazy like her?

9:13: There was a split-second shot of Ben's face during his conversation with CTM as she was going on and on that makes me think he's sending her home tonight.

9:18: I love how Nicki says, "I'm so not sexy right now" as she's wearing a tiny bikini with her boobs hanging out.

9:19: I am a fan of Nicki's blue bikini.

9:23: I wonder what Rachel's tramp stamp is.

9:24: NK says, "I didn't think I was a jealous person."  You might have not thought that, but I sure did.  That's why your nickname is Needy Kacie.

9:30: Let me rephrase my comment from 9:19.  I am a fan of how Nicki fills out her blue bikini.

9:31: Final three prediction: Lindzi, Emily, and Kacie.

9:35: I'm going to feel really bad for NK when she gets sent home, or I'm going to feel really good for her when she gets a proposal because she'll be so genuinely happy.

9:37: Nicki is putting on an epic gun show tonight.

9:44: Actually, Chris Harrison, you are the man I was hoping to see.

9:49: I didn't realize two are getting sent home.  No way that Rachel makes this cut.

9:52: Nicki is bouncing her way to hometown dates next week!

9:54: Rachel feels "very rejected".  Possibly because she was just rejected.

9:55: Rachel and Emily were sooo close to an ugly cry.  But to be clear, nothing will ever top Casey's ugly cry from last week.

9:57: Next week's hometown dates look intense.  I look forward to meeting CTM's parents.  I get the feeling she might be one of those uber-spoiled girls.

9:59: I'm absolutely shocked that promotional consideration was provided by the Belize Tourism Board.

10:00: I'm still hungry.

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