Showing posts with label bachelor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bachelor. Show all posts
Monday, February 11, 2013
The Bachelor Franchise: Changing from Running Diary to Picture Blogs
I've had overwhelmingly positive feedback for the picture blog from last Tuesday's episode, so starting with tonight's episode, I'm switching to that format. The good news is that I'll be able to watch the show twice, because really, how would that be a bad thing? The bad news is that you'll have nothing to read tonight besides this post. Since I'm hoping to have the picture blog ready 2-3 days after every episode, I'll be aiming for Thursday morning each week. No promises on when it'll be ready each week though (it could be as early as Tuesday night), so keep checking the blog throughout the week.
Monday, February 04, 2013
The Bachelor: Episode #5
Chris Harrison posted a picture of him working on his new clothing line. And to that I say: Look at all the plaid!
I'm looking forward to this two-day Bachelor extravaganza, but unfortunately my schedule did not account for this glorious two day event. As a result, I won't be able to live-blog the Tuesday show until later in the week. Very sad news, I know. That doesn't mean I won't be blogging about, just that it will be a later post - it will be posted here, likely by Thursday.
7:05: I'm excited for hypothermia night! That's happening tonight, right?
7:59: I'm ready for some more Tierra absurdity.
8:01: Crap, hypothermia night isn't until tomorrow. Booooo.
8:03: Not a whole lot of screaming in joy over the announcement of Montana. Just recall previous seasons and how the bachelorettes react when they get to go to Europe. Screams. Shrieks. Hugging. None of that for Montana.
8:04: Lindsay - very happy about Lindsay receiving the one-on-one date. Everybody else: not as happy about Lindsay receiving the one-on-one date. That's my expert analysis.
8:06: You can take The Bachelor out of the mansion, but you can't take the helicopters out of The Bachelor.
8:10: Signs I've been watching too much American Idol this season: My first thought about the guy who sings about "PEI potatoes" is that he doesn't have a very good tone.
8:15: Unlike in real life, you have to explain why you want to see a girl for another date on The Bachelor.
8:17: Who else just googled Sarah Darling?
8:18: Lindsay is moving up the power rankings tonight.
8:23: For the record, I do not find it necessary nor sexy for a girl to display her ability to "rough it" in the outdoors.
8:25: However, the "downing" of goat's milk might turn out to be strangely hot.
8:26: I really would like for FMC Lesley and Dez to be on the same team.
8:30: "Let me see those guns." Sean with the double entendre of the episode.
8:31: I'm kinda diggin' Angry Lesley.
8:36: Rulebreaker Sean! Love it.
8:37: Love that Lesley immediately puts up her hand after Chris Harrison says, "Maybe his wife is on the blue team."
8:39: Sarah's going home either tonight or tomorrow night. If Sean truly wants a girl who can also rough it, Sarah's onehandedness is going to be a detriment. Sad but true.
8:40: When Selma gets angry, Selma starts talking in the third person.
8:41: No way that the winning team is going to let this slide without some passive aggressive comments.
8:42: Let's not sugarcoat it. Tierra is an attention whore.
8:47: Tierra: "This is so bold for me to do." Um, didn't you just do this last episode?
8:49: Oh wow, AshLee. How long did you give Dez? Like 10 seconds? Show some respect and give them a few minutes at least.
8:51: Is that really Chris Harrison's writing? I'd guess no.
8:53: My thoughts about Catherine during my Bachelor preview: I would like to visit Catherine someday because she lives in a world full of rainbows, sunshine, and unicorns.
I stand by that statement.
8:55: Dez should have gotten the rose just for the epic goat milk drinking display.
8:57: My least favorite words right now are Chris Harrison saying "Tuesday night on ABC". I need to know about these things in advance, ABC. I can only properly clear my calendar for The Bachelor franchise if I know which days to clear it out for. Bah.
9:07: Chris Harrison with an epic Tweet to keep you entertained during tonight's episode.
9:11: OK, so we know Jackie's going home since Tierra is the reason for hypothermia-gate tomorrow night. But at least Sean is finally seeing that Tierra is full of drama.
9:13: Tierra chose a great time to play the "dead boyfriend" card. Well done. Respect.
9:16: No limos in Montana, that's for sure.
9:17: Pretty sure that "open-hearted" isn't a word. Or even a phrase.
9:18: Awesome editing by the production staff to show the contrast between Jackie's tears in the limo and Tierra's maniacal self in the interview room. I've said it once, and I'll keep on saying it. The production staff on this show is second to none.
9:23: Just realized - no shots of shirtless Sean tonight.
9:24: I am most definitely a fan of Dez's dress and Dez in that dress.
9:31: And boom goes the dynamite.
9:32: Still can't believe that disjointed mess of a speech that Tierra just gave. Did she really just end it with "I don't even care at this point - If I want to get engaged, I could get engaged just like that"? THEN WHY ARE YOU ON THIS SHOW?
9:36: Things drama-free girls don't need to say: "I'm not a drama person at all."
9:37: FMC Lesley to the rescue!!!
9:40: If I was one of the non-Tierra bachelorettes (yes, I know, that sounds weird, but bear with me), I would propose that whoever is sent home at the rose ceremony pull Sean aside and tell him the no-holds barred details about Tierra. There's no reason why everybody wouldn't be onside with this.
9:43: Chris Harrison interview time!
9:44: Just realized why there's a two-part episode tonight and tomorrow night - everybody is getting a rose tonight!
9:45: Chris Harrison is asking the tough questions that we all want to ask.
9:50: If anybody is getting sent home tonight, it's going to be Sarah, Robyn, or AshLee.
9:53: Robyn better be going all Bad Girls Club when she doesn't get a rose.
9:54: Such a great camera shot of everybody forming a circle around Robyn except Tierra.
9:57: Canadian Rockies! Alberta! My home province!
9:59: What they left out of the "Coming this season" previews - Dez's boyfriend comes out of the woodwork to confront her. Don't forget that still hasn't happened yet.
10:00: New power rankings:
1) Dez
2) Lindsay
3) AshLee
4) Lesley
5) Selma
10:03: Can't wait for the next episode. This show is the best.
The second half of this two day Bachelor event can be found here.
I'm looking forward to this two-day Bachelor extravaganza, but unfortunately my schedule did not account for this glorious two day event. As a result, I won't be able to live-blog the Tuesday show until later in the week. Very sad news, I know. That doesn't mean I won't be blogging about, just that it will be a later post - it will be posted here, likely by Thursday.
7:05: I'm excited for hypothermia night! That's happening tonight, right?
7:59: I'm ready for some more Tierra absurdity.
8:01: Crap, hypothermia night isn't until tomorrow. Booooo.
8:03: Not a whole lot of screaming in joy over the announcement of Montana. Just recall previous seasons and how the bachelorettes react when they get to go to Europe. Screams. Shrieks. Hugging. None of that for Montana.
8:04: Lindsay - very happy about Lindsay receiving the one-on-one date. Everybody else: not as happy about Lindsay receiving the one-on-one date. That's my expert analysis.
8:06: You can take The Bachelor out of the mansion, but you can't take the helicopters out of The Bachelor.
8:10: Signs I've been watching too much American Idol this season: My first thought about the guy who sings about "PEI potatoes" is that he doesn't have a very good tone.
8:15: Unlike in real life, you have to explain why you want to see a girl for another date on The Bachelor.
8:17: Who else just googled Sarah Darling?
8:18: Lindsay is moving up the power rankings tonight.
8:23: For the record, I do not find it necessary nor sexy for a girl to display her ability to "rough it" in the outdoors.
8:25: However, the "downing" of goat's milk might turn out to be strangely hot.
8:26: I really would like for FMC Lesley and Dez to be on the same team.
8:30: "Let me see those guns." Sean with the double entendre of the episode.
8:31: I'm kinda diggin' Angry Lesley.
8:36: Rulebreaker Sean! Love it.
8:37: Love that Lesley immediately puts up her hand after Chris Harrison says, "Maybe his wife is on the blue team."
8:39: Sarah's going home either tonight or tomorrow night. If Sean truly wants a girl who can also rough it, Sarah's onehandedness is going to be a detriment. Sad but true.
8:40: When Selma gets angry, Selma starts talking in the third person.
8:41: No way that the winning team is going to let this slide without some passive aggressive comments.
8:42: Let's not sugarcoat it. Tierra is an attention whore.
8:47: Tierra: "This is so bold for me to do." Um, didn't you just do this last episode?
8:49: Oh wow, AshLee. How long did you give Dez? Like 10 seconds? Show some respect and give them a few minutes at least.
8:51: Is that really Chris Harrison's writing? I'd guess no.
8:53: My thoughts about Catherine during my Bachelor preview: I would like to visit Catherine someday because she lives in a world full of rainbows, sunshine, and unicorns.
I stand by that statement.
8:55: Dez should have gotten the rose just for the epic goat milk drinking display.
8:57: My least favorite words right now are Chris Harrison saying "Tuesday night on ABC". I need to know about these things in advance, ABC. I can only properly clear my calendar for The Bachelor franchise if I know which days to clear it out for. Bah.
9:07: Chris Harrison with an epic Tweet to keep you entertained during tonight's episode.
9:11: OK, so we know Jackie's going home since Tierra is the reason for hypothermia-gate tomorrow night. But at least Sean is finally seeing that Tierra is full of drama.
9:13: Tierra chose a great time to play the "dead boyfriend" card. Well done. Respect.
9:16: No limos in Montana, that's for sure.
9:17: Pretty sure that "open-hearted" isn't a word. Or even a phrase.
9:18: Awesome editing by the production staff to show the contrast between Jackie's tears in the limo and Tierra's maniacal self in the interview room. I've said it once, and I'll keep on saying it. The production staff on this show is second to none.
9:23: Just realized - no shots of shirtless Sean tonight.
9:24: I am most definitely a fan of Dez's dress and Dez in that dress.
9:31: And boom goes the dynamite.
9:32: Still can't believe that disjointed mess of a speech that Tierra just gave. Did she really just end it with "I don't even care at this point - If I want to get engaged, I could get engaged just like that"? THEN WHY ARE YOU ON THIS SHOW?
9:36: Things drama-free girls don't need to say: "I'm not a drama person at all."
9:37: FMC Lesley to the rescue!!!
9:40: If I was one of the non-Tierra bachelorettes (yes, I know, that sounds weird, but bear with me), I would propose that whoever is sent home at the rose ceremony pull Sean aside and tell him the no-holds barred details about Tierra. There's no reason why everybody wouldn't be onside with this.
9:43: Chris Harrison interview time!
9:44: Just realized why there's a two-part episode tonight and tomorrow night - everybody is getting a rose tonight!
9:45: Chris Harrison is asking the tough questions that we all want to ask.
9:50: If anybody is getting sent home tonight, it's going to be Sarah, Robyn, or AshLee.
9:53: Robyn better be going all Bad Girls Club when she doesn't get a rose.
9:54: Such a great camera shot of everybody forming a circle around Robyn except Tierra.
9:57: Canadian Rockies! Alberta! My home province!
9:59: What they left out of the "Coming this season" previews - Dez's boyfriend comes out of the woodwork to confront her. Don't forget that still hasn't happened yet.
10:00: New power rankings:
1) Dez
2) Lindsay
3) AshLee
4) Lesley
5) Selma
10:03: Can't wait for the next episode. This show is the best.
The second half of this two day Bachelor event can be found here.
Monday, March 12, 2012
Bachelor Season Finale: Live Running Diary
It's the season finale tonight and I'm excited. Very excited. And not only because I want to see if Lindzi's tears will lead to the most makeup-stained tears in the history of reality television (though if you weren't thinking about it before, you'll definitely be on the lookout now). And not only because I want to see the most villainous person in Bachelor history (Vienna is not even in her league) inevitably receive the final rose. No, the reason why I'm excited is because your favorite host and mine, Chris Harrison, has been sending out ominous Tweets since last night. Such as this. And this. Something's gong down tonight, and it's going to be epic.
Another reason why I'm excited? Because I saw this online the other day:
It'll be such a great story to tell our grandchildren one day: "Remember when I found out you were single and put it on my blog, and you read it, and then read how much I adored you, and that totally creeped you out, and you had to get a restraining order, but then eventually you realized that you should give me a chance?" If that's not true love, I don't know what is.
7:07: You know what I'm not excited for? Seeing Ashley on TV again.
7:08: As you may have guessed, I follow Chris Harrison on Twitter, which is how I find out about future must see TV moments like this.
7:57: 3 minutes!
8:00: Over/under: 7 minutes of recaps to kick off the show.
8:03: Only two minutes of recaps. Shocking!
8:06: Chris Harrison just said that this is "the most controversial finale of The Bachelor." Keep in mind, we had a season where the guy dumped the girl he chose for the other finalist on After the Final Rose. So either Chris Harrison is lying or we're in store for some epic television tonight. And Chris Harrison doesn't lie.
8:14: Is Lindzi wearing less makeup tonight or is it just me?
8:15: I've been the nervous cutlery-dropping guy before, but in a dinner interview situation. Not fun.
8:19: Ben's sister is all kinds of awesome. First, getting the sneaky inside scoop on Courtney from Lindzi. And then doing a double-take/eye roll after finding out she's "Courtney the Model".
8:21: "She's a model?! C'mon, Ben." Classic.
8:25: I'm no TV producer, but how exactly is tonight's show going to work? Lindzi's segment was 20 minutes, so it'll be 8:45 by the time Courtney's done visiting with Ben's family. What they hell are they doing for the next hour and fifteen minutes?
8:27: I love watching Courtney put the Courtney spin on history. It's amazing to watch. Like watching Michael Jordan play basketball - just a magician working her magic.
8:29: Notice that Lindzi was speaking with Ben's family. Courtney is speaking at Ben's family.
8:30: Oh no, Julia! Oh no! You've been sucked in!
8:31: It's 8:31. Let's assume the last half hour is for the proposal/rejection. What the hell is happening over the next hour? They can't possibly be doing a Chris Harrison interview with Ben for an hour, can they?
8:32: I'm not complaining if there's an hour of Chris Harrison, by the way. Step aside, Jeff Probst. He's the best reality TV host.
8:34: I'm totally watching American Reunion.
8:37: Ben's mom likes using the word "accomplished".
8:38: Notice that Ben is discussing Lindzi's merits with the family, but Ben was almost trying to convince them when it came to Courtney. "She has depth to her. You saw that, right?" Actual quote from Ben to his mom.
8;39: What? There's two more dates? C'mon. We all know he's choosing Courtney. There's no need to pretend for the next 45 minutes, Ben.
8:40: You probably noticed that I didn't have much to say for the first 20 minutes of the show tonight. That Popeyes Chicken wasn't going to eat itself, you know. At least give me credit for eating fried chicken, watching the show, and blogging while not getting any glorious chicken grease on my laptop.
8:42: By the way, if you had a pool going on when the first mention of Ben's dad would be, it was at 8:38.
8:45: Poor Lindzi. She has no idea that she has absolutely no chance of receiving the final rose.
8:46: Carriage cam!
8:47: Picnic on a gondola is pretty epic.
8:49: "Since your hometown, you've been more open, yeah." What happened after hometown dates? Fantasy suites. So here's the translation: We hooked up, so yeah, you've been more open.
8:51: "...when he proposes to me...." Oh no, Lindzi. Oh no.
8:56: Ben is thanking Lindzi. You know what someone doesn't do before they propose to them? Thank them. No, the only reason Ben would thank someone on the show is to say "Thanks for the good times, but...".
9:00: Lindzi just said "I know you can't say anything" just before she told Ben she loved him, and then Ben said the same thing a bit later. Is there a rule where the producers have told The Bachelor that he can't say that he loves them?
9:01: Just tremendous use of background music by the sound editing team on the show as usual.
9:03: This is how amazingly good Courtney is at always putting herself in a position of power: even when Ben isn't around, she manages to put herself in the position of power between the two of them. During the preview clip of their date, she says, "I'm terrified that Ben's going to do to me what Ashley did to him." Not, "I'm afraid of Ben not choosing me" or "I'm terrified that Ben will choose Lindzi." No no, that gives Ben the upper hand. So instead, she puts him down by mentioning Ashley. The best part is that this happens in an interview so Ben isn't even around to hear it.
9:06: Yet another one of Courtney's many Jedi mind tricks: Courtney and Ben meet for their date. Ben walks towards Courtney. Courtney just stands there and waits for Ben to come to her, and only starts walking when he's ten feet away. No another girl does this.
9:08: How many episodes in a row has a helicopter been involved?
9:09: I just had to Wikipedia the Matterhorn to see what the big deal was with it. Apparently it's an "iconic emblem of the Swiss Alps". Well then.
9:11: Oh, c'mon Ben. Don't tell us you're "confused". The only confusion you have is whether to get down on your left knee or your right when you propose to Courtney.
9:16: Just throwing this out there, but it's been at least two episodes since we've seen Courtney's signature pouty mouth move.
9:18: What are the chances that Courtney made the scrapbook by herself, and what are the chances that she told a producer what she wanted and made them do it?
9:19: When did it become OK for people to sign with just a letter? It's slowly happened more and more frequently over the years, and I don't know what led us to this point. Is it really that hard to write your full name? And also, why is it only girls who do this? How come I've yet to receive an e-mail from a guy with just an initial? Would it be weird to sign my e-mails with only an "S"? These are the things I think about.
9:24: Courtney is a total master of Ben. One minute, things are going well. Then she's reading a love letter. And then all of a sudden she's scared. And now she's crying. Ben doesn't know whether she's coming or going, and thus always feels like he must win her over instead of the other way around. Courtney is a genius.
9:27: Fuzzy camera slow mo video montage time!
9:28: Ben talking about Lindzi: "She just has this glow about her." Yes Ben, but that glow is from her makeup.
9:29: Lindzi without makeup! Lindzi without makeup! Note that they only shot her from her right when she was makeup-less, thus hiding the blemish on the left side of her chin.
9:31: Neil Lane blatant promotion time!
9:32: I like how Neil Lane called Ben out on it being the second time they had met.
9:33: That's some bling there, Neil. But I've seen better in person.
9:34: It's fitting that both women are wearing black dresses to meet Ben.
9:35: The background for this scene is ridiculous. Idyllic is the perfect word to describe it.
9:36: I wonder what would happen if I told my boss that I was going to be on The Bachelor Canada and needed to take a two month sabbatical from work. And then take some time off for media appearances afterwards.
9:39: Speaking of work, someone just e-mailed me at 9 PM. Don't they know that it's The Bachelor finale?
9:40: First girl out means she's getting sent home. I read somewhere that it's because they save the girl he's going to choose for last to get the sunset shot as he proposes. There's way too much daylight right now.
9:43: Oh, Lindzi just realized what's about to happen. Except it's not happening for another two minutes.
9:45: Lindzi is putting up an amazing front right now. Not a tear. Not a tremble. It's pretty impressive, actually.
9:46: "And if things don't work out, call me?" I've never heard that at the finale before.
9:47: I'm giving Lindzi all the credit in the world for keeping it together until the interview/helicopter. And even then, it was kinda majestic the way she broke down.
9:51: Think we get a signature Courtney lip pout when Ben gets down on one knee?
9:51: By the way, I have yet to see anything that I would call "the most controversial finale in Bachelor history", Chris Harrison. But I trust you, Chris Harrison, I trust you.
9:53: FYI, "Lindzi" is trending on Twitter in the U.S. right now.
9:55: Some interesting black leather gloves on Courtney.
10:01: "You're my forever...", "I'll love you forever...". And in the world of reality TV time, I think "forever" might last about an hour. As in, I'm not entirely convinced that they'll still be together on After the Final Rose. Especially considering that nothing about this finale has been "controversial" in the least. I still believe in what you promised me, Chris Harrison.
10:02: Oh, it's about to get real.
10:02: As G-Unit and I always like to say, Chris Harrison, you don't need to introduce yourself. We all know who you are.
10:04: Goateed Ben in the hizzie!
10:10: Who's idea do you think it was to try on wedding dresses to divert attention away from Ben's tabloid photos? Ben, or the Evil Genius? C'mon, we all know that has Courtney written all over it.
10:14: Chris Harrison, you're awesome, but nobody is "reeling" from Lindzi being rejected and Courtney being chosen. You're only "reeling" when something shocking happens. Nobody was shocked by what happened.
10:20: Wow, are they not even going to bring out Lindzi? I guess nobody really cares about her...
10:26: Chris Harrison is doing a masterful job of asking the questions we want answered.
10:35: It's fun to watch them watch their proposal.
10:38: Interesting that when they cut back to the audience from the clip of the proposal, there was no clapping from the audience. Remember, the audience clapped for when they came back from a clip of Nicki getting sent home.
10:39: Ben with some man-tears. He's keepin' it real.
10:40: Where's the "Neil Lane" on the ring box?
10:41: Ashley and JP are not "one of our most beloved Bachelorette couples". You know why? Because we all hated Ashley's season as she slowly devolved into an insecure mess. So let's not pretend like that didn't happen.
10:51: Chris Harrison on Ashley and JP: "You're one of our favorite couples." Let's keep in mind that there are only four couples still together from the Bachelor franchise: Trista & Ryan, Jason & Molly, Ashley & JP, and...Ben & Courtney. Ben & Courtney...not one of America's favorite couples. So by definition, Ashley & JP must be one of the favorite couples since there are only three couples in the running.
10:54: Chris Harrison as the minister would be only way that I would watch Ashley & JP's wedding.
10:55: Chris Harrison uses the same joke for possible baby names that I use!
10:59: And with that ends the greatest Bachelor season I have watched. Ever. I haven't watched all of them, but this one definitely was the best by far. I look forward to May 14th whenMother Teresa Emily begins as The Bachelorette. It's been a blast, but now it's time to bid adieu to the most Chantastic show on television. Until next time...
11:01: Late breaking news - you might see me on reality TV this summer!
7:07: You know what I'm not excited for? Seeing Ashley on TV again.
7:08: As you may have guessed, I follow Chris Harrison on Twitter, which is how I find out about future must see TV moments like this.
7:57: 3 minutes!
8:00: Over/under: 7 minutes of recaps to kick off the show.
8:03: Only two minutes of recaps. Shocking!
8:06: Chris Harrison just said that this is "the most controversial finale of The Bachelor." Keep in mind, we had a season where the guy dumped the girl he chose for the other finalist on After the Final Rose. So either Chris Harrison is lying or we're in store for some epic television tonight. And Chris Harrison doesn't lie.
8:14: Is Lindzi wearing less makeup tonight or is it just me?
8:15: I've been the nervous cutlery-dropping guy before, but in a dinner interview situation. Not fun.
8:19: Ben's sister is all kinds of awesome. First, getting the sneaky inside scoop on Courtney from Lindzi. And then doing a double-take/eye roll after finding out she's "Courtney the Model".
8:21: "She's a model?! C'mon, Ben." Classic.
8:25: I'm no TV producer, but how exactly is tonight's show going to work? Lindzi's segment was 20 minutes, so it'll be 8:45 by the time Courtney's done visiting with Ben's family. What they hell are they doing for the next hour and fifteen minutes?
8:27: I love watching Courtney put the Courtney spin on history. It's amazing to watch. Like watching Michael Jordan play basketball - just a magician working her magic.
8:29: Notice that Lindzi was speaking with Ben's family. Courtney is speaking at Ben's family.
8:30: Oh no, Julia! Oh no! You've been sucked in!
8:31: It's 8:31. Let's assume the last half hour is for the proposal/rejection. What the hell is happening over the next hour? They can't possibly be doing a Chris Harrison interview with Ben for an hour, can they?
8:32: I'm not complaining if there's an hour of Chris Harrison, by the way. Step aside, Jeff Probst. He's the best reality TV host.
8:34: I'm totally watching American Reunion.
8:37: Ben's mom likes using the word "accomplished".
8:38: Notice that Ben is discussing Lindzi's merits with the family, but Ben was almost trying to convince them when it came to Courtney. "She has depth to her. You saw that, right?" Actual quote from Ben to his mom.
8;39: What? There's two more dates? C'mon. We all know he's choosing Courtney. There's no need to pretend for the next 45 minutes, Ben.
8:40: You probably noticed that I didn't have much to say for the first 20 minutes of the show tonight. That Popeyes Chicken wasn't going to eat itself, you know. At least give me credit for eating fried chicken, watching the show, and blogging while not getting any glorious chicken grease on my laptop.
8:42: By the way, if you had a pool going on when the first mention of Ben's dad would be, it was at 8:38.
8:45: Poor Lindzi. She has no idea that she has absolutely no chance of receiving the final rose.
8:46: Carriage cam!
8:47: Picnic on a gondola is pretty epic.
8:49: "Since your hometown, you've been more open, yeah." What happened after hometown dates? Fantasy suites. So here's the translation: We hooked up, so yeah, you've been more open.
8:51: "...when he proposes to me...." Oh no, Lindzi. Oh no.
8:56: Ben is thanking Lindzi. You know what someone doesn't do before they propose to them? Thank them. No, the only reason Ben would thank someone on the show is to say "Thanks for the good times, but...".
9:00: Lindzi just said "I know you can't say anything" just before she told Ben she loved him, and then Ben said the same thing a bit later. Is there a rule where the producers have told The Bachelor that he can't say that he loves them?
9:01: Just tremendous use of background music by the sound editing team on the show as usual.
9:03: This is how amazingly good Courtney is at always putting herself in a position of power: even when Ben isn't around, she manages to put herself in the position of power between the two of them. During the preview clip of their date, she says, "I'm terrified that Ben's going to do to me what Ashley did to him." Not, "I'm afraid of Ben not choosing me" or "I'm terrified that Ben will choose Lindzi." No no, that gives Ben the upper hand. So instead, she puts him down by mentioning Ashley. The best part is that this happens in an interview so Ben isn't even around to hear it.
9:06: Yet another one of Courtney's many Jedi mind tricks: Courtney and Ben meet for their date. Ben walks towards Courtney. Courtney just stands there and waits for Ben to come to her, and only starts walking when he's ten feet away. No another girl does this.
9:08: How many episodes in a row has a helicopter been involved?
9:09: I just had to Wikipedia the Matterhorn to see what the big deal was with it. Apparently it's an "iconic emblem of the Swiss Alps". Well then.
9:11: Oh, c'mon Ben. Don't tell us you're "confused". The only confusion you have is whether to get down on your left knee or your right when you propose to Courtney.
9:16: Just throwing this out there, but it's been at least two episodes since we've seen Courtney's signature pouty mouth move.
9:18: What are the chances that Courtney made the scrapbook by herself, and what are the chances that she told a producer what she wanted and made them do it?
9:19: When did it become OK for people to sign with just a letter? It's slowly happened more and more frequently over the years, and I don't know what led us to this point. Is it really that hard to write your full name? And also, why is it only girls who do this? How come I've yet to receive an e-mail from a guy with just an initial? Would it be weird to sign my e-mails with only an "S"? These are the things I think about.
9:24: Courtney is a total master of Ben. One minute, things are going well. Then she's reading a love letter. And then all of a sudden she's scared. And now she's crying. Ben doesn't know whether she's coming or going, and thus always feels like he must win her over instead of the other way around. Courtney is a genius.
9:27: Fuzzy camera slow mo video montage time!
9:28: Ben talking about Lindzi: "She just has this glow about her." Yes Ben, but that glow is from her makeup.
9:29: Lindzi without makeup! Lindzi without makeup! Note that they only shot her from her right when she was makeup-less, thus hiding the blemish on the left side of her chin.
9:31: Neil Lane blatant promotion time!
9:32: I like how Neil Lane called Ben out on it being the second time they had met.
9:33: That's some bling there, Neil. But I've seen better in person.
9:34: It's fitting that both women are wearing black dresses to meet Ben.
9:35: The background for this scene is ridiculous. Idyllic is the perfect word to describe it.
9:36: I wonder what would happen if I told my boss that I was going to be on The Bachelor Canada and needed to take a two month sabbatical from work. And then take some time off for media appearances afterwards.
9:39: Speaking of work, someone just e-mailed me at 9 PM. Don't they know that it's The Bachelor finale?
9:40: First girl out means she's getting sent home. I read somewhere that it's because they save the girl he's going to choose for last to get the sunset shot as he proposes. There's way too much daylight right now.
9:43: Oh, Lindzi just realized what's about to happen. Except it's not happening for another two minutes.
9:45: Lindzi is putting up an amazing front right now. Not a tear. Not a tremble. It's pretty impressive, actually.
9:46: "And if things don't work out, call me?" I've never heard that at the finale before.
9:47: I'm giving Lindzi all the credit in the world for keeping it together until the interview/helicopter. And even then, it was kinda majestic the way she broke down.
9:51: Think we get a signature Courtney lip pout when Ben gets down on one knee?
9:51: By the way, I have yet to see anything that I would call "the most controversial finale in Bachelor history", Chris Harrison. But I trust you, Chris Harrison, I trust you.
9:53: FYI, "Lindzi" is trending on Twitter in the U.S. right now.
9:55: Some interesting black leather gloves on Courtney.
10:01: "You're my forever...", "I'll love you forever...". And in the world of reality TV time, I think "forever" might last about an hour. As in, I'm not entirely convinced that they'll still be together on After the Final Rose. Especially considering that nothing about this finale has been "controversial" in the least. I still believe in what you promised me, Chris Harrison.
10:02: Oh, it's about to get real.
10:02: As G-Unit and I always like to say, Chris Harrison, you don't need to introduce yourself. We all know who you are.
10:04: Goateed Ben in the hizzie!
10:10: Who's idea do you think it was to try on wedding dresses to divert attention away from Ben's tabloid photos? Ben, or the Evil Genius? C'mon, we all know that has Courtney written all over it.
10:14: Chris Harrison, you're awesome, but nobody is "reeling" from Lindzi being rejected and Courtney being chosen. You're only "reeling" when something shocking happens. Nobody was shocked by what happened.
10:20: Wow, are they not even going to bring out Lindzi? I guess nobody really cares about her...
10:26: Chris Harrison is doing a masterful job of asking the questions we want answered.
10:35: It's fun to watch them watch their proposal.
10:38: Interesting that when they cut back to the audience from the clip of the proposal, there was no clapping from the audience. Remember, the audience clapped for when they came back from a clip of Nicki getting sent home.
10:39: Ben with some man-tears. He's keepin' it real.
10:40: Where's the "Neil Lane" on the ring box?
10:41: Ashley and JP are not "one of our most beloved Bachelorette couples". You know why? Because we all hated Ashley's season as she slowly devolved into an insecure mess. So let's not pretend like that didn't happen.
10:51: Chris Harrison on Ashley and JP: "You're one of our favorite couples." Let's keep in mind that there are only four couples still together from the Bachelor franchise: Trista & Ryan, Jason & Molly, Ashley & JP, and...Ben & Courtney. Ben & Courtney...not one of America's favorite couples. So by definition, Ashley & JP must be one of the favorite couples since there are only three couples in the running.
10:54: Chris Harrison as the minister would be only way that I would watch Ashley & JP's wedding.
10:55: Chris Harrison uses the same joke for possible baby names that I use!
10:59: And with that ends the greatest Bachelor season I have watched. Ever. I haven't watched all of them, but this one definitely was the best by far. I look forward to May 14th when
11:01: Late breaking news - you might see me on reality TV this summer!
Monday, March 05, 2012
Bachelor Episode #10: Live Running Diary
Can you believe my friend Stephe had the audacity to suggest we go for drinks after work today, the day of The Women Tell All? I, of course, had to respond with my usual "It's Bachelor night...Chan has priorities."
And if I wasn't excited enough already about The Women Tell All and once again being reunited with FMC Casey (I am going to blissfully ignore this article that G-Unit e-mailed to me recently), one of the producers from The Bachelor just sent out this Tweet. I'mexcited super-excited uber-excited giddy for tonight.
6:28: I almost had a nervous breakdown when I turned on my TV this morning to listen to some CNBC while I was getting ready for work and the cable box wasn't working. The only thought that went through my head as this was happening was, "Bachelor tonight! Bachelor tonight!" It wasn't even a full sentence. Just a two word fire alarm going off in my head. Fortunately, the crisis has been averted...for now.
7:30: Remember the venomous reaction that Shawntel received when she showed up on the show? Who will the women hate more - Shawntel or Courtney The Model (CTM)? I'm going with CTM in a landslide. If the women already hated CTM, imagine how they're going to feel once they watch CTM's interview segments.
7:51: Does anyone else follow Chris Harrison on Twitter? Does anyone else get bombarded by Twitter with suggestions to follow various Bachelor/ette/Pad alum? No? Maybe it's just me then...
7:52: There's a 50/50 chance that tonight will be the highlight of my week. That's a function of both my unexciting life and how much I love this show.
8:00: CTM is here! AMAZING!
8:01: Yes, that really does deserve capital letters.
8:01: You're damn right you're going to give Chris Harrrison a standing ovation. Best TV host ever.
8:04: Ryan P and the water heater - a trip down memory lane!
8:05: Ali! I miss Ali.
8:06: There are unconfirmed reports that I sat on my couch with a huge grin on my face as I saw Frank and Ali reconnect.
8:07: Bachelor Pad! I'm so excited, and there's still at least four months to go until that hits this summer.
8:09: I just realized that Emily's season of The Bachelorette is going to seem like a snooze-fest compared to this season of The Bachelor. But no matter what happens, it'll still be better than Ashley's season of insecurity.
8:12: Jamie!!
8:13: Casey!!!
8:13: Nicki!
8:14: The number of exclamation marks is directly proportional to how much I enjoyed each person.
8:16: Jamie!! Awkward Kissing Jamie!!
8:18: Samantha's voice is a lot more whiny and screechy than I remember.
8:19: Is Samantha still drunk from the episode when she got kicked off the show?
8:20: Chihuahua comment for the win! Props to Brittney.
8:25: It seems some of the ladies still don't like Shawntel.
8:27: Shawntel and Lindzi should star in a double season of The Bachelorette, and they'll call it Bachelorettes: Two Women Who Wished Their Parents Could Spell.
8:31: Why is Erica wearing a ring on her ring finger?
8:32: Emily's boobs are mesmerizing in that dress. Just goes to show, bigger isn't necessarily better.
8:36: I can't believe that there's only a bit more than an hour of this magical episode left tonight.
8:37: I just realized that there have not been any preview clips of Casey talking about her departure tonight. This upsets me.
8:39: I didn't realize that CTM gave Emily a look after receiving the final rose when she was sent home. Wow.
8:42: Chris Harrison is awesome.
8:43: I find it endearing that Kacie and Nicki are clearly good friends from the way that they look at each other. I think that's swell.
8:44: I just remembered CTM's only friend in the house was Casey. Maybe they're saving Casey for that segment? I'm not sure I can handle my girl defending CTM.
8:48: Nicki just sat down and hasn't said a word, and she already sounds emotional just from her sigh.
8:50: The audience just clapped at the conclusion of the Nicki's clip, which ended with her in tears. That's probably not an appropriate time to clap, people. There's no obligation to clap at the end of everything.
8:53: Finally, one of the bachelorettes says that they wouldn't ask Ben what she did wrong since she was just herself. It's about time that these women keep assuming that they did something wrong if Ben sent them home. You're not a perfect match for every single person. Sometimes, two people just aren't right for each other, and there's nothing that anybody did "wrong". I have female friends who I think are great people, but I would never date because it's just not meant to be (and I'm sure many of them feel the same way about me!). Good job, Nicki. Way to not play the "It must be my fault" card. That in itself is as much of a turn-on for me as anything that's been done on the show (not including anything related to Casey obviously).
8:58: Kacie looked like a girl when she emerged from the limo in the premiere. She looks a lot more mature now.
8:59: I just want to point out that the Kacie's limo driver changed lanes without signalling. By the way, who pays the fine if the limo driver gets a ticket? The limo driver? The show? The person in the back of the limo? The camera guy in the limo? The limo company? Is the limo owned by ABC or do they outsource the limo? These are the things I think about.
9:01: "You flew halfway around the world to Belize." Chris Harrison, you're awesome, but don't make it sound like Kacie paid for her ticket when the show clearly did.
9:04: Oh wow, a backstage shot of CTM pacing. They're bringing out all the stops tonight.
9:07: S*** is about to get real.
9:07: I liked that Nicki mimicked CTM's pouty lip move.
9:09: I liked that all the girls did the black spider widow clap at the same time at the end of the montage.
9:10: Casey looks like she wants to say something in defense of CTM...
9:11: Casey!!! She speaks!!!
9:15: I'm not sure what it says about me, but my two favorite ladies from the show are Casey and Jamie, who have both tried to defend CTM tonight. Does that mean I'm attracted to girls with good hearts who try to see the best in people? Or does that mean I like completely naive girls?
9:19: This is going to be good.
9:20: "The women are understandably...pissed." As always, Chris Harrison is awesome.
9:25: Emily just killed it.
9:26: This is the greatest show on television.
9:31: Emily's questions and the way she presents herself is on such a higher and more intelligent level than anyone else right now.
9:35: I'm not sure what was going on there. Either Courtney was real, or Courtney deserves an Emmy.
9:36: It was interesting to see CTM zone out during Blakely's attempt at an olive branch, and then five seconds later, break down into tears. Was she zoning out because she knew she was about lose it, or was she just using that time to make herself cry? You tell me.
9:37: During her breakdown, CTM also apologized for the way she hurt Ben. Possible spoiler alert?
9:38: The reception that Ben received from the ladies wasn't exactly warm. Perhaps they're all a bit turned off after seeing Ben with CTM every week, plus the skinnydipping shenanigans that they didn't know happened.
9:39: Jennifer does not think highly of Blakely. Blakely was not a fan of that.
9:42: Casey is just so damn sweet.
9:43: Did Jamie just do that? Yes, yes she did.
9:46: I can't believe we're not getting a Casey update. I'm upset.
9:51: Ben just mentioned "the love he has" for CTM. That's not foreshadowing at all.
9:52: Nicki's face in the picture-in-picture said it all.
9:52: I can't believe that Ben used the words "nurturing" and "understanding" to describe CTM. Those might actually be the last two adjectives in the English language I would use to describe her.
9:53: The picture-in-picture of Nicki, Kacie, and Emily's faces during Lindzi's video montage screamed "I wish I had that". And by "that", I mean the strong connection/relationship with someone, not Ben himself.
9:55: "Most controversial season finale of The Bachelor" = "Ben chooses Courtney".
10:00: Jenna embraces her meltdown. That's kind of funny.
10:01: Monica with the line of the night. And on that note, this awesome two hours of television comes to a close. Is anyone convinced that Ben doesn't choose Courtney at this point? Not that I would ever not watch even if I knew the outcome...
And if I wasn't excited enough already about The Women Tell All and once again being reunited with FMC Casey (I am going to blissfully ignore this article that G-Unit e-mailed to me recently), one of the producers from The Bachelor just sent out this Tweet. I'm
6:28: I almost had a nervous breakdown when I turned on my TV this morning to listen to some CNBC while I was getting ready for work and the cable box wasn't working. The only thought that went through my head as this was happening was, "Bachelor tonight! Bachelor tonight!" It wasn't even a full sentence. Just a two word fire alarm going off in my head. Fortunately, the crisis has been averted...for now.
7:30: Remember the venomous reaction that Shawntel received when she showed up on the show? Who will the women hate more - Shawntel or Courtney The Model (CTM)? I'm going with CTM in a landslide. If the women already hated CTM, imagine how they're going to feel once they watch CTM's interview segments.
7:51: Does anyone else follow Chris Harrison on Twitter? Does anyone else get bombarded by Twitter with suggestions to follow various Bachelor/ette/Pad alum? No? Maybe it's just me then...
7:52: There's a 50/50 chance that tonight will be the highlight of my week. That's a function of both my unexciting life and how much I love this show.
8:00: CTM is here! AMAZING!
8:01: Yes, that really does deserve capital letters.
8:01: You're damn right you're going to give Chris Harrrison a standing ovation. Best TV host ever.
8:04: Ryan P and the water heater - a trip down memory lane!
8:05: Ali! I miss Ali.
8:06: There are unconfirmed reports that I sat on my couch with a huge grin on my face as I saw Frank and Ali reconnect.
8:07: Bachelor Pad! I'm so excited, and there's still at least four months to go until that hits this summer.
8:09: I just realized that Emily's season of The Bachelorette is going to seem like a snooze-fest compared to this season of The Bachelor. But no matter what happens, it'll still be better than Ashley's season of insecurity.
8:12: Jamie!!
8:13: Casey!!!
8:13: Nicki!
8:14: The number of exclamation marks is directly proportional to how much I enjoyed each person.
8:16: Jamie!! Awkward Kissing Jamie!!
8:18: Samantha's voice is a lot more whiny and screechy than I remember.
8:19: Is Samantha still drunk from the episode when she got kicked off the show?
8:20: Chihuahua comment for the win! Props to Brittney.
8:25: It seems some of the ladies still don't like Shawntel.
8:27: Shawntel and Lindzi should star in a double season of The Bachelorette, and they'll call it Bachelorettes: Two Women Who Wished Their Parents Could Spell.
8:31: Why is Erica wearing a ring on her ring finger?
8:32: Emily's boobs are mesmerizing in that dress. Just goes to show, bigger isn't necessarily better.
8:36: I can't believe that there's only a bit more than an hour of this magical episode left tonight.
8:37: I just realized that there have not been any preview clips of Casey talking about her departure tonight. This upsets me.
8:39: I didn't realize that CTM gave Emily a look after receiving the final rose when she was sent home. Wow.
8:42: Chris Harrison is awesome.
8:43: I find it endearing that Kacie and Nicki are clearly good friends from the way that they look at each other. I think that's swell.
8:44: I just remembered CTM's only friend in the house was Casey. Maybe they're saving Casey for that segment? I'm not sure I can handle my girl defending CTM.
8:48: Nicki just sat down and hasn't said a word, and she already sounds emotional just from her sigh.
8:50: The audience just clapped at the conclusion of the Nicki's clip, which ended with her in tears. That's probably not an appropriate time to clap, people. There's no obligation to clap at the end of everything.
8:53: Finally, one of the bachelorettes says that they wouldn't ask Ben what she did wrong since she was just herself. It's about time that these women keep assuming that they did something wrong if Ben sent them home. You're not a perfect match for every single person. Sometimes, two people just aren't right for each other, and there's nothing that anybody did "wrong". I have female friends who I think are great people, but I would never date because it's just not meant to be (and I'm sure many of them feel the same way about me!). Good job, Nicki. Way to not play the "It must be my fault" card. That in itself is as much of a turn-on for me as anything that's been done on the show (not including anything related to Casey obviously).
8:58: Kacie looked like a girl when she emerged from the limo in the premiere. She looks a lot more mature now.
8:59: I just want to point out that the Kacie's limo driver changed lanes without signalling. By the way, who pays the fine if the limo driver gets a ticket? The limo driver? The show? The person in the back of the limo? The camera guy in the limo? The limo company? Is the limo owned by ABC or do they outsource the limo? These are the things I think about.
9:01: "You flew halfway around the world to Belize." Chris Harrison, you're awesome, but don't make it sound like Kacie paid for her ticket when the show clearly did.
9:04: Oh wow, a backstage shot of CTM pacing. They're bringing out all the stops tonight.
9:07: S*** is about to get real.
9:07: I liked that Nicki mimicked CTM's pouty lip move.
9:09: I liked that all the girls did the black spider widow clap at the same time at the end of the montage.
9:10: Casey looks like she wants to say something in defense of CTM...
9:11: Casey!!! She speaks!!!
9:15: I'm not sure what it says about me, but my two favorite ladies from the show are Casey and Jamie, who have both tried to defend CTM tonight. Does that mean I'm attracted to girls with good hearts who try to see the best in people? Or does that mean I like completely naive girls?
9:19: This is going to be good.
9:20: "The women are understandably...pissed." As always, Chris Harrison is awesome.
9:25: Emily just killed it.
9:26: This is the greatest show on television.
9:31: Emily's questions and the way she presents herself is on such a higher and more intelligent level than anyone else right now.
9:35: I'm not sure what was going on there. Either Courtney was real, or Courtney deserves an Emmy.
9:36: It was interesting to see CTM zone out during Blakely's attempt at an olive branch, and then five seconds later, break down into tears. Was she zoning out because she knew she was about lose it, or was she just using that time to make herself cry? You tell me.
9:37: During her breakdown, CTM also apologized for the way she hurt Ben. Possible spoiler alert?
9:38: The reception that Ben received from the ladies wasn't exactly warm. Perhaps they're all a bit turned off after seeing Ben with CTM every week, plus the skinnydipping shenanigans that they didn't know happened.
9:39: Jennifer does not think highly of Blakely. Blakely was not a fan of that.
9:42: Casey is just so damn sweet.
9:43: Did Jamie just do that? Yes, yes she did.
9:46: I can't believe we're not getting a Casey update. I'm upset.
9:51: Ben just mentioned "the love he has" for CTM. That's not foreshadowing at all.
9:52: Nicki's face in the picture-in-picture said it all.
9:52: I can't believe that Ben used the words "nurturing" and "understanding" to describe CTM. Those might actually be the last two adjectives in the English language I would use to describe her.
9:53: The picture-in-picture of Nicki, Kacie, and Emily's faces during Lindzi's video montage screamed "I wish I had that". And by "that", I mean the strong connection/relationship with someone, not Ben himself.
9:55: "Most controversial season finale of The Bachelor" = "Ben chooses Courtney".
10:00: Jenna embraces her meltdown. That's kind of funny.
10:01: Monica with the line of the night. And on that note, this awesome two hours of television comes to a close. Is anyone convinced that Ben doesn't choose Courtney at this point? Not that I would ever not watch even if I knew the outcome...
Monday, February 27, 2012
Bachelor Episode #9: Live Running Diary
I'm in a few fantasy baseball leagues - and my obsessive nature competitive streak means I spend the months of February and March preparing for them - and we had to find a draft date that worked for everyone. In one of my leagues, it was suggested that we draft on Monday, March 26th. At first, I panicked because my initial reaction to anything happening on Monday night is, "I can't because it's Bachelor night". Then I was happy because there's only three episodes left this season (overnights this week, After the Final Rose next week, then the finale a week later). And then I was sad because there's only three episodes left this season.
7:09: In case you missed it, I needed a break from my fantasy baseball rankings last night and did a running blog of the Oscars last night. If my review was a little more snarky and bitter than usual, it's because watching pretentious people congratulate themselves for three hours with isn't the most enjoyable thing in the world. I'm happy that I'm back where I belong - watching the melodramatic insanity that is The Bachelor.
7:48: I'm intrigued to see how Ben's family will react to Courtney The Model (CTM). Possible responses include "This is a joke, right?", "Why does she keep on doing that twitching thing with her lips?", and "Please tell me she's not already carrying your unborn child".
7:56: In case you missed it, CTM's fake wedding vows were stolen from Sex and the City. CTM had me totally fooled. Never again, crazy one. Never again.
8:00: Here we go!
8:02: There's not a chance in hell that Ben is only packing one small suitcase to spend a week in Switzerland.
8:03: Just once, I want to see an actual casual clip of Ben - not this fake casual clip of him looking out of the plane window. Where's the clip of him passed out on the plane with drooling down his chin?
8:06: How the hell is CTM "nerdy" in any way?
8:07: Where did Ben's red suitcase come from? We didn't see him check in with that bag! This show is fake! I demand a refund.
8:08: In case you forgot, here's my prediction from Episode #4: "CTM makes it to the overnight date so Ben gets to boink her, but she doesn't get chosen because that's all Ben ultimately wants from her." Somewhere in Edmonton, Mysteries is hoping this is true since she's had enough of Wartney.
8:14: It looks cold in Switzerland.
8:15: I swear that The Bachelor got some kind of bulk discount for their helicopter use this season.
8:15: I want to go to Switzerland.
8:16: Ben just used "wild ride" and "taken to new heights" to describe his relationship with Nicki. Nobody will ever convince me that a producer didn't write those lines for him.
8:18: Nicki's mic pack on her back makes it look like she's a hunchback from the camera shot from behind.
8:19: I'm afraid of heights. Standing on top of that peak would definitely freak me out.
8:20: Ben tells us he "hopes Nicki accepts the overnight date because..." and I swear I half-expected him to finish the sentence with "...I want to finally see those puppies in all their glory."
8:23: Switzerland is trending on Twitter in the U.S.
8:25: Did Nicki and Ben just exchange the awkward boy/girl high five? That doesn't bode well for Nicki.
8:26: I just realized that the meet the family day occurs on the finale, in which case we might not actually see CTM meet Ben's family. I'm half-excited, half-disappointed about that prospect.
8:27: Black nail polish. Living on the edge, Nicki.
8:29: The drinking game thus far tonight is Ben's father.
8:30: Hot tub! Nicki in a hot tub! Nicki in a bra in a hot tub! These are all things that deserve exclamation marks!
8:34: Surprisingly, #hottubheaven is not trending on Twitter right now.
8:36: Ben asked Lindzi where her jacket was. I was hoping she'd respond with, "I don't need one because I'm hot for you." She did not. I was disappointed.
8:39: That's a lot of "Ohmygod!"s from Lindzi. Somewhere, Kacie B's dad is not happy about this.
8:41: Ben's putting on a hot tub clinic tonight.
8:48:What's with Lindzi's hair? Why is it all over the place?
8:51: For Ben, Lindzi > Nicki. Clearly.
8:53: Wait, was Ben wearing that bow tie the entire date?
8:54: The girl from the Harvey's commercial looks like Maria Sharapova. I never see girls like her at Harvey's.
8:58: I don't know if you can tell, but it's pretty obvious to me who was there to talk to Ben in those preview clips for later on this episode.
9:00: I want to reiterate that Switzerland is now officially one of my desired vacation destinations. This was not the case at 7:59 PM.
9:02: "Hey cow" sounds like a really frustrating game.
9:04: Uh oh. CTM is sucking me back in with her tears. I promised not to let her fool me again, but there's no way she's that good of an actress, right?
9:05: Let's put it another way - she's either being genuine, or she's using this show as an open audition for all of Hollywood to see.
9:06: Wait a minute. That makes total sense. She's using her interview tears as an open audition for all of Hollywood to see!
9:13: Courtney read the card like a presenter/host. She used the fantasy suite card as part of her Hollywood audition!
9:14: Courtney says, "We're going to have so much fun tonight." Translation: they're going to boink like bunnies.
9:15: The hot tub industry is thanking the producers for tonight.
9:17: Emily's season of The Bachelorette is going to get amazing ratings. There's no way that every single female watcher of The Bachelor won't watch and cheer her on. Emily is what every woman wishes to see herselves at. Of course, not many are actually like her, but that's a different issue...
9:20: Promotional consideration provided by Titanic: 3D.
9:25: I'd recognize that southern drawl anywhere.
9:27: Poor Kacie. So sweet, so innocent, yet so clueless.
9:28: Translation - "Your family freaked me out."
9:30: Tremendous use of the simple piano music during this moment. The sound guys on this show never disappoint.
9:33: Oh Kacie...
9:34: Kacie, what do you mean you don't know if you'll ever see Ben again? Do you not realize that that's the entire point of After the Final Rose?
9:38: There's a 100% chance that I'm going to mention Switzerland at work as much as possible tomorrow and see how many people pick up on it so that I can start a conversation about The Bachelor.
9:39: Chris Harrison time. He'll get to the heart of the matter.
9:40: I wish Chris Harrison could talk to me about my life. I'm sure that our conversation would lead to insights that I hadn't thought of before.
9:41: Chris Harrison is putting on a knowing head nod clinic right now.
9:43: I think that we now know why Ben's Twitter page bio has that last line.
9:44: The ice cream I used to eat while watching The Bachelor/ette/Pad was Chapman's. They just ran an ad for Chapman's. I now want Chapman's ice cream. Well played, Chapman's, well played.
9:46: I like how Chris Harrison is doing the one-by-one individual escort of the ladies to the rose ceremony.
9:47: Is Lindzi wearing less makeup than we've regularly seen, or is that just me? And by less, I mean a somewhat normal amount for any other person.
9:51: Nicki was such an underdog and I knew she wouldn't win, but I still couldn't help but be on Team Nicki.
9:53: Slowest. Limo. Exit. Ever.
9:57: If I don't get some quality Casey time next week, I'm going to be all kinds of upset. I need me some FMC! And also FMC v2.0 (Jamie) and FMC v3.0 (Nicki)...
10:00: I'm both disappointed that CTM made it to the end, but also intrigued as to how his family will react to meeting her. But After the Final Rose should be awesome with all sorts of awesome loose storylines to tie up, what with Kacie and her dramatic exit and surprise return, Nicki, Casey and her meltdown, Shawntel and the women's vitriolic reaction to her, Blakely and her scrapbook, Samantha's sudden departure, Jenna (remember crazy insecure Jenna?), and possibly even CTM if she makes an appearance. It should be awesome.
10:01: Isn't Hans a German name?
7:09: In case you missed it, I needed a break from my fantasy baseball rankings last night and did a running blog of the Oscars last night. If my review was a little more snarky and bitter than usual, it's because watching pretentious people congratulate themselves for three hours with isn't the most enjoyable thing in the world. I'm happy that I'm back where I belong - watching the melodramatic insanity that is The Bachelor.
7:48: I'm intrigued to see how Ben's family will react to Courtney The Model (CTM). Possible responses include "This is a joke, right?", "Why does she keep on doing that twitching thing with her lips?", and "Please tell me she's not already carrying your unborn child".
7:56: In case you missed it, CTM's fake wedding vows were stolen from Sex and the City. CTM had me totally fooled. Never again, crazy one. Never again.
8:00: Here we go!
8:02: There's not a chance in hell that Ben is only packing one small suitcase to spend a week in Switzerland.
8:03: Just once, I want to see an actual casual clip of Ben - not this fake casual clip of him looking out of the plane window. Where's the clip of him passed out on the plane with drooling down his chin?
8:06: How the hell is CTM "nerdy" in any way?
8:07: Where did Ben's red suitcase come from? We didn't see him check in with that bag! This show is fake! I demand a refund.
8:08: In case you forgot, here's my prediction from Episode #4: "CTM makes it to the overnight date so Ben gets to boink her, but she doesn't get chosen because that's all Ben ultimately wants from her." Somewhere in Edmonton, Mysteries is hoping this is true since she's had enough of Wartney.
8:14: It looks cold in Switzerland.
8:15: I swear that The Bachelor got some kind of bulk discount for their helicopter use this season.
8:15: I want to go to Switzerland.
8:16: Ben just used "wild ride" and "taken to new heights" to describe his relationship with Nicki. Nobody will ever convince me that a producer didn't write those lines for him.
8:18: Nicki's mic pack on her back makes it look like she's a hunchback from the camera shot from behind.
8:19: I'm afraid of heights. Standing on top of that peak would definitely freak me out.
8:20: Ben tells us he "hopes Nicki accepts the overnight date because..." and I swear I half-expected him to finish the sentence with "...I want to finally see those puppies in all their glory."
8:23: Switzerland is trending on Twitter in the U.S.
8:25: Did Nicki and Ben just exchange the awkward boy/girl high five? That doesn't bode well for Nicki.
8:26: I just realized that the meet the family day occurs on the finale, in which case we might not actually see CTM meet Ben's family. I'm half-excited, half-disappointed about that prospect.
8:27: Black nail polish. Living on the edge, Nicki.
8:29: The drinking game thus far tonight is Ben's father.
8:30: Hot tub! Nicki in a hot tub! Nicki in a bra in a hot tub! These are all things that deserve exclamation marks!
8:34: Surprisingly, #hottubheaven is not trending on Twitter right now.
8:36: Ben asked Lindzi where her jacket was. I was hoping she'd respond with, "I don't need one because I'm hot for you." She did not. I was disappointed.
8:39: That's a lot of "Ohmygod!"s from Lindzi. Somewhere, Kacie B's dad is not happy about this.
8:41: Ben's putting on a hot tub clinic tonight.
8:48:What's with Lindzi's hair? Why is it all over the place?
8:51: For Ben, Lindzi > Nicki. Clearly.
8:53: Wait, was Ben wearing that bow tie the entire date?
8:54: The girl from the Harvey's commercial looks like Maria Sharapova. I never see girls like her at Harvey's.
8:58: I don't know if you can tell, but it's pretty obvious to me who was there to talk to Ben in those preview clips for later on this episode.
9:00: I want to reiterate that Switzerland is now officially one of my desired vacation destinations. This was not the case at 7:59 PM.
9:02: "Hey cow" sounds like a really frustrating game.
9:04: Uh oh. CTM is sucking me back in with her tears. I promised not to let her fool me again, but there's no way she's that good of an actress, right?
9:05: Let's put it another way - she's either being genuine, or she's using this show as an open audition for all of Hollywood to see.
9:06: Wait a minute. That makes total sense. She's using her interview tears as an open audition for all of Hollywood to see!
9:13: Courtney read the card like a presenter/host. She used the fantasy suite card as part of her Hollywood audition!
9:14: Courtney says, "We're going to have so much fun tonight." Translation: they're going to boink like bunnies.
9:15: The hot tub industry is thanking the producers for tonight.
9:17: Emily's season of The Bachelorette is going to get amazing ratings. There's no way that every single female watcher of The Bachelor won't watch and cheer her on. Emily is what every woman wishes to see herselves at. Of course, not many are actually like her, but that's a different issue...
9:20: Promotional consideration provided by Titanic: 3D.
9:25: I'd recognize that southern drawl anywhere.
9:27: Poor Kacie. So sweet, so innocent, yet so clueless.
9:28: Translation - "Your family freaked me out."
9:30: Tremendous use of the simple piano music during this moment. The sound guys on this show never disappoint.
9:33: Oh Kacie...
9:34: Kacie, what do you mean you don't know if you'll ever see Ben again? Do you not realize that that's the entire point of After the Final Rose?
9:38: There's a 100% chance that I'm going to mention Switzerland at work as much as possible tomorrow and see how many people pick up on it so that I can start a conversation about The Bachelor.
9:39: Chris Harrison time. He'll get to the heart of the matter.
9:40: I wish Chris Harrison could talk to me about my life. I'm sure that our conversation would lead to insights that I hadn't thought of before.
9:41: Chris Harrison is putting on a knowing head nod clinic right now.
9:43: I think that we now know why Ben's Twitter page bio has that last line.
9:44: The ice cream I used to eat while watching The Bachelor/ette/Pad was Chapman's. They just ran an ad for Chapman's. I now want Chapman's ice cream. Well played, Chapman's, well played.
9:46: I like how Chris Harrison is doing the one-by-one individual escort of the ladies to the rose ceremony.
9:47: Is Lindzi wearing less makeup than we've regularly seen, or is that just me? And by less, I mean a somewhat normal amount for any other person.
9:51: Nicki was such an underdog and I knew she wouldn't win, but I still couldn't help but be on Team Nicki.
9:53: Slowest. Limo. Exit. Ever.
9:57: If I don't get some quality Casey time next week, I'm going to be all kinds of upset. I need me some FMC! And also FMC v2.0 (Jamie) and FMC v3.0 (Nicki)...
10:00: I'm both disappointed that CTM made it to the end, but also intrigued as to how his family will react to meeting her. But After the Final Rose should be awesome with all sorts of awesome loose storylines to tie up, what with Kacie and her dramatic exit and surprise return, Nicki, Casey and her meltdown, Shawntel and the women's vitriolic reaction to her, Blakely and her scrapbook, Samantha's sudden departure, Jenna (remember crazy insecure Jenna?), and possibly even CTM if she makes an appearance. It should be awesome.
10:01: Isn't Hans a German name?
Monday, February 20, 2012
Bachelor Episode #8: Live Running Diary
I'm excited for hometown dates this week, which would be referred to as the "I'm asking for permission to marry your daughter after knowing her for all of two months, but just know there's a 50% chance I'm going to sleep with your daughter and dump her afterwards, a 25% chance that I dump your daughter this week, and a 25% chance that we'll be engaged for a year before we break up and your daughter's face is on the cover on People magazine" episode if the name weren't so long.
Courtney The Model (CTM) controversially stayed on the show last week, so I'm excited to meet her parents. Are they normal or crazy like her? Will they vaguely reference her insanity ("I'm sure you know how she gets sometimes!", "She's a handful, isn't she?", "That's just Courtney being Courtney", and "She's a free spirit" are all in play this week) or are they oblivious?
Speaking of CTM, my friends Mysteries and her husband, The Dings, watch the show together and The Dings sent me a message letting me know that Mysteries has decided to refer to CTM as "Wartney". I asked for an explanation since I didn't see any warts on CTM. The response: "I don't like Warts and I don't like Courtney." Anytime a person comes up with something as brilliant as that, it's obvious I must update the Cast of Characters. Therefore, I'm welcoming Mysteries and The Dings, also known as The Tramandous Couple, as official characters of The Chantastic Blog.
And finally, in honor of the departed but not forgotten FMC, Casey, I ask that each of you take a moment to read the first paragraph under "Top Scorers" in this Grantland article. The only explanation that makes sense is that Ben loves brunettes since the only girl remaining who isn't a brunette is Lindzi, who is a dirty blonde. Not that I'm making any judgments about guys who have a preference for hair color...
7:35: Chris Harrison just sent out an ominous tweet about tonight's episode.
7:55: I'm excited to find out what Chris Harrison meant.
8:01: I also forgot that we get to judge and guess the wealth of each bachelorette's family this week. Nobody loves judging people based off of what they see TV more than me.
8:02: Does Linzi's family have their very own horse track?!
8:03: Is it just me, or is Lindzi's left dimple even more noticeable than usual tonight?
8:04: Easy observation about Lindzi's family: Horses = Money. You never see poor kids riding horses growing up. Lindzi's family is going to be either rich, wealthy, or absurdly wealthy.
8:07: Devon is totally going to be "the other guy" if Ben and Lindzi ever get married.
8:11: Over/under: 10 acres for Lindzi's parents' ranch/farm. I'm taking the over, and I don't even know how big an acre is.
8:13: Horse racing! I'm Asian, hence I love horse racing!
8:17: Lindzi's family is absolutely killing it right now. If I were to grade them, they'd get an A+.
8:18: I've just decided to grade each of the families. A+ is pretty much defined by Lindzi's parents. F is a family that would cause someone not to marry the girl, no matter how amazing the girl is.
8:22: If I were a betting man, I'd bet that Lindzi's family will end up easily being the wealthiest among the final four.
8:25: Extremely awkward shot of Kacie walking along the field...
8:26: Ah, so that's why she is walking awkwardly. She's just about to do something ridiculously awkward...like walking down a football field behind a marching band while twirling a baton.
8:27: Remember when I said that Needy Kacie (NK) was a little too into Ben? The greeting she just gave Ben was completely over the top. The problem is that she's too sweet to be faking it, so her overenthusiastic greeting was actually genuine. That would freak me out, and it probably freaked Ben out. I stick by my theory that NK's neediness will be heard from before all is said and done.
8:34: NK's sister is smoking hot.
8:36: I take that last statement back. Apparently you shouldn't make bold proclamations off of a half second of camera time.
8:38: What's with the shaky camera work during the conversation with NK's dad? I feel like I'm watching The Blair Witch Project.
8:40: Something tells me that NK's mom won't be a fan of the fantasy suites on next week's episode if NK makes it through to next week.
8:42: NK's dad is being the voice of reason. On a show that is filled with insanity, logic comes across as weird.
8:44: NK's claims that she hasn't rushed anything, including her feelings for Ben, is patently absurd. Really, Kacie? You don't remember yourself saying 5 minutes into the second episode of the season, "This could be the first date with the man I hope to marry"? You don't think that might have been jumping the gun a bit?
8:49: NK's parents get a B-.
8:50: Also, NK's family is the definition of middle class.
8:51: That's a lot of boots.
8:52: I'm a huge fan of sliding drinks across the bar.
8:54: Nicki doesn't understand that the reason she was kept on was the bikini top she was wearing last episode. She's gotta remind him of everything she has to offer. Unleash the puppies, Nicki, unleash the puppies!
8:56: I may or may not have other incentives for wanting Nicki to put on a gun show.
8:59: Brick house = Nicki's family is definitely upper middle class. Lock it down.
9:03: Nicki's dad is tearing up. Nicki's dad is taking ownership of his daughter's failed marriage even though it ultimately had nothing to do with him. Nicki's dad is a heck of a guy.
9:05: I want the real FMC's dad to be like Nicki's dad.
9:08: Did you catch the cute little "real" moment as Ben was leaving? Nicki was leaving, and her dad asked innocently, "Are you coming back in afterwards?" since he has no real clue how the show works, and whether she would be going off with Ben for the night. She said yes, her dad chuckled, and closed the door. A nothing moment, and yet a real moment that says everything about Nicki's dad. Just a solid dude who wants to take care of his daughter.
9:11: Nicki's family gets an A. The only thing that prevents an A+ is her parents are divorced, and that has the potential for drama.
9:13: Courtney The Model (CTM) is somewhere between middle class and upper middle class. Her family isn't quite as wealthy as Nicki's since they live in a bungalow, but it's a spacious bungalow with a neatly trimmed backyard and a pool. Also, her dad's sweater vest screams that range.
9:17: CTM's mom is without a doubt the reason why CTM is the way she is.
9:19: CTM's dad seems like a decent guy - not afraid to tell it like it is, but also not afraid to break the tension with a joke or two. He understands how to read a person's body language and to diffuse a situation, such as putting Ben at ease with a simple joke. CTM is not like this at all.
9:21: CTM's mom, however, is the opposite. Just a lot of superficial "You seem happy", "You look so beautiful, Mom" back and forth talk that doesn't really go any deeper. That works for CTM's mom because she's probably had everything handed to her or given to her in life and probably never had to deal with much hardship, but it doesn't work with CTM because she doesn't have the sweetness to get away with it. Since CTM's mom likely pampered CTM the way that she herself was pampered, CTM walks around with a sense of entitlement since she was given everything growing up. However, once in the real world, she still acts with that air of entitlement even though she's done nothing to deserve it. This is how CTM is a direct result of her mom. And that, my friends, is how you judge someone based off of ten minutes of airtime.
9:27: CTM seems a lot less insane and a lot more vulnerable this week. And by vulnerable, I mean really really really vulnerable.
9:28: The person we saw today wasn't CTM or Wartney. We finally met Courtney. Vulnerable, scared, timid, fidgety Courtney.
9:30: Courtney's family gets a B.
9:32: Chris Harrison interview time. Let's see how many shots of him head nodding we get.
9:37: Did you notice how scared and fidgety was when Courtney was reciting her vows? Not even Courtney can fake that.
9:38: Prediction: Nicki or NK are going home.
9:39: If Nicki goes home, it's because her relationship isn't as developed as everyone else's. If NK goes home, it's because she's a little too needy, and her parents were a little too conservative, making Ben realize that they're a lot more different in the real, non-one-continual-vacation world.
9:42: Official prediction: NK is going home, simply because Ben seemed very upset during his deliberations. The only reason he would be this upset is because he knows he's about to devastate someone. Nicki will be able to handle it with some tears. NK won't handle this well at all. That's why Ben feels so bad about this round.
9:42: And yes, I assumed that Lindzi and CTM are locks.
9:44: Tears in 3...2...
9:45: I know this show too well.
9:45: Ben: "It breaks my heart." We could tell, Ben, we could tell. That's why we knew who you were sending home.
9:47: Here comes the ugly cry...
9:50: In the end, Needy Kacie's neediness, among other things, did her in. I don't want to be the guy that says "I told you so"...wait a minute. I'm totally that guy. I told you so.
9:51: I got chills when they showed that helicopter shot of Switzerland. Wow.
9:52: Why are producers inviting Ashley back to do anything? Do they not realize that her season made all of us want to collectively poke our eyes? That she sucked the life out of every episode? That her insecurity slowly but surely sucked the life out of the show, tear by insecure tear? I have no desire to see her ever again on TV. Somewhere, I bet G-Unit agrees with me.
9:55: That scene during the credits was pretty awesome.
9:58: Not too many surprises tonight. I think Casey's ugly cry was uglier than Kacie's ugly cry. I can't wait to see the dramatic scene they showed in the trailer for next week.
Courtney The Model (CTM) controversially stayed on the show last week, so I'm excited to meet her parents. Are they normal or crazy like her? Will they vaguely reference her insanity ("I'm sure you know how she gets sometimes!", "She's a handful, isn't she?", "That's just Courtney being Courtney", and "She's a free spirit" are all in play this week) or are they oblivious?
Speaking of CTM, my friends Mysteries and her husband, The Dings, watch the show together and The Dings sent me a message letting me know that Mysteries has decided to refer to CTM as "Wartney". I asked for an explanation since I didn't see any warts on CTM. The response: "I don't like Warts and I don't like Courtney." Anytime a person comes up with something as brilliant as that, it's obvious I must update the Cast of Characters. Therefore, I'm welcoming Mysteries and The Dings, also known as The Tramandous Couple, as official characters of The Chantastic Blog.
And finally, in honor of the departed but not forgotten FMC, Casey, I ask that each of you take a moment to read the first paragraph under "Top Scorers" in this Grantland article. The only explanation that makes sense is that Ben loves brunettes since the only girl remaining who isn't a brunette is Lindzi, who is a dirty blonde. Not that I'm making any judgments about guys who have a preference for hair color...
7:35: Chris Harrison just sent out an ominous tweet about tonight's episode.
7:55: I'm excited to find out what Chris Harrison meant.
8:01: I also forgot that we get to judge and guess the wealth of each bachelorette's family this week. Nobody loves judging people based off of what they see TV more than me.
8:02: Does Linzi's family have their very own horse track?!
8:03: Is it just me, or is Lindzi's left dimple even more noticeable than usual tonight?
8:04: Easy observation about Lindzi's family: Horses = Money. You never see poor kids riding horses growing up. Lindzi's family is going to be either rich, wealthy, or absurdly wealthy.
8:07: Devon is totally going to be "the other guy" if Ben and Lindzi ever get married.
8:11: Over/under: 10 acres for Lindzi's parents' ranch/farm. I'm taking the over, and I don't even know how big an acre is.
8:13: Horse racing! I'm Asian, hence I love horse racing!
8:17: Lindzi's family is absolutely killing it right now. If I were to grade them, they'd get an A+.
8:18: I've just decided to grade each of the families. A+ is pretty much defined by Lindzi's parents. F is a family that would cause someone not to marry the girl, no matter how amazing the girl is.
8:22: If I were a betting man, I'd bet that Lindzi's family will end up easily being the wealthiest among the final four.
8:25: Extremely awkward shot of Kacie walking along the field...
8:26: Ah, so that's why she is walking awkwardly. She's just about to do something ridiculously awkward...like walking down a football field behind a marching band while twirling a baton.
8:27: Remember when I said that Needy Kacie (NK) was a little too into Ben? The greeting she just gave Ben was completely over the top. The problem is that she's too sweet to be faking it, so her overenthusiastic greeting was actually genuine. That would freak me out, and it probably freaked Ben out. I stick by my theory that NK's neediness will be heard from before all is said and done.
8:34: NK's sister is smoking hot.
8:36: I take that last statement back. Apparently you shouldn't make bold proclamations off of a half second of camera time.
8:38: What's with the shaky camera work during the conversation with NK's dad? I feel like I'm watching The Blair Witch Project.
8:40: Something tells me that NK's mom won't be a fan of the fantasy suites on next week's episode if NK makes it through to next week.
8:42: NK's dad is being the voice of reason. On a show that is filled with insanity, logic comes across as weird.
8:44: NK's claims that she hasn't rushed anything, including her feelings for Ben, is patently absurd. Really, Kacie? You don't remember yourself saying 5 minutes into the second episode of the season, "This could be the first date with the man I hope to marry"? You don't think that might have been jumping the gun a bit?
8:49: NK's parents get a B-.
8:50: Also, NK's family is the definition of middle class.
8:51: That's a lot of boots.
8:52: I'm a huge fan of sliding drinks across the bar.
8:54: Nicki doesn't understand that the reason she was kept on was the bikini top she was wearing last episode. She's gotta remind him of everything she has to offer. Unleash the puppies, Nicki, unleash the puppies!
8:56: I may or may not have other incentives for wanting Nicki to put on a gun show.
8:59: Brick house = Nicki's family is definitely upper middle class. Lock it down.
9:03: Nicki's dad is tearing up. Nicki's dad is taking ownership of his daughter's failed marriage even though it ultimately had nothing to do with him. Nicki's dad is a heck of a guy.
9:05: I want the real FMC's dad to be like Nicki's dad.
9:08: Did you catch the cute little "real" moment as Ben was leaving? Nicki was leaving, and her dad asked innocently, "Are you coming back in afterwards?" since he has no real clue how the show works, and whether she would be going off with Ben for the night. She said yes, her dad chuckled, and closed the door. A nothing moment, and yet a real moment that says everything about Nicki's dad. Just a solid dude who wants to take care of his daughter.
9:11: Nicki's family gets an A. The only thing that prevents an A+ is her parents are divorced, and that has the potential for drama.
9:13: Courtney The Model (CTM) is somewhere between middle class and upper middle class. Her family isn't quite as wealthy as Nicki's since they live in a bungalow, but it's a spacious bungalow with a neatly trimmed backyard and a pool. Also, her dad's sweater vest screams that range.
9:17: CTM's mom is without a doubt the reason why CTM is the way she is.
9:19: CTM's dad seems like a decent guy - not afraid to tell it like it is, but also not afraid to break the tension with a joke or two. He understands how to read a person's body language and to diffuse a situation, such as putting Ben at ease with a simple joke. CTM is not like this at all.
9:21: CTM's mom, however, is the opposite. Just a lot of superficial "You seem happy", "You look so beautiful, Mom" back and forth talk that doesn't really go any deeper. That works for CTM's mom because she's probably had everything handed to her or given to her in life and probably never had to deal with much hardship, but it doesn't work with CTM because she doesn't have the sweetness to get away with it. Since CTM's mom likely pampered CTM the way that she herself was pampered, CTM walks around with a sense of entitlement since she was given everything growing up. However, once in the real world, she still acts with that air of entitlement even though she's done nothing to deserve it. This is how CTM is a direct result of her mom. And that, my friends, is how you judge someone based off of ten minutes of airtime.
9:27: CTM seems a lot less insane and a lot more vulnerable this week. And by vulnerable, I mean really really really vulnerable.
9:28: The person we saw today wasn't CTM or Wartney. We finally met Courtney. Vulnerable, scared, timid, fidgety Courtney.
9:30: Courtney's family gets a B.
9:32: Chris Harrison interview time. Let's see how many shots of him head nodding we get.
9:37: Did you notice how scared and fidgety was when Courtney was reciting her vows? Not even Courtney can fake that.
9:38: Prediction: Nicki or NK are going home.
9:39: If Nicki goes home, it's because her relationship isn't as developed as everyone else's. If NK goes home, it's because she's a little too needy, and her parents were a little too conservative, making Ben realize that they're a lot more different in the real, non-one-continual-vacation world.
9:42: Official prediction: NK is going home, simply because Ben seemed very upset during his deliberations. The only reason he would be this upset is because he knows he's about to devastate someone. Nicki will be able to handle it with some tears. NK won't handle this well at all. That's why Ben feels so bad about this round.
9:42: And yes, I assumed that Lindzi and CTM are locks.
9:44: Tears in 3...2...
9:45: I know this show too well.
9:45: Ben: "It breaks my heart." We could tell, Ben, we could tell. That's why we knew who you were sending home.
9:47: Here comes the ugly cry...
9:50: In the end, Needy Kacie's neediness, among other things, did her in. I don't want to be the guy that says "I told you so"...wait a minute. I'm totally that guy. I told you so.
9:51: I got chills when they showed that helicopter shot of Switzerland. Wow.
9:52: Why are producers inviting Ashley back to do anything? Do they not realize that her season made all of us want to collectively poke our eyes? That she sucked the life out of every episode? That her insecurity slowly but surely sucked the life out of the show, tear by insecure tear? I have no desire to see her ever again on TV. Somewhere, I bet G-Unit agrees with me.
9:55: That scene during the credits was pretty awesome.
9:58: Not too many surprises tonight. I think Casey's ugly cry was uglier than Kacie's ugly cry. I can't wait to see the dramatic scene they showed in the trailer for next week.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Bachelor Episode #7: Live Running Diary
Live from the Chantastic couch, I'm ready for another week of craziness if my laptop can manage to hang on for another two hours. My laptop screen has been randomly turning off the last few days, so if my posts disappear halfway through the show, blame it on my computer...or Courtney The Model (CTM) for inducing a seizure with her bouncing blurcles after going topless for the third show in a row.
7:45: It's quarter to eight. Do you know where your desperate single daughters are?
7:50: If it's the night before Valentine's Day and I'm watching The Bachelor alone on my couch, should I be eating ice cream straight from the bucket or eating a whole bag of chips? I want to know what would make the more compelling visual.
7:57: Crap. Now I'm actually hungry, and the only prescription that can solve my problem is potato chips or ice cream. That, or more cowbell.
7:58: Did you know that Chris Harrison hosted one of those red carpet shows before the Grammys last night? No? Um, neither did I.
7:59: Jeopardy! was on before The Bachelor. Apparently it's the first half of the college tournament finals. I'm not nearly as excited about this as Alex Trebek.
8:01: People have alternately compared Ben to Rafael Nadal and a rat. I never really saw it until the start of the show when he was squinting into the camera. Total rat-face. I'm tempted to call him Splinter from now on.
8:04: The color of Chris Harrison's shirt can only be described as pastel blue.
8:05: I was just about to say that Nicki was my favorite remaining girl, then she goes and starts crying for no reason whatsoever five minutes into the show. The title of FMC among the remaining girls remains up for grabs.
8:08: Who am I kidding? Casey is my one and only this season.
8:09: But seriously, does anyone out there know any single girls who are like Casey? I've got my Neil Lane ring and a camera crew ready to capture my awkward proposal.
8:11: Now I'm hungry for cheesecake.
8:12: Did anyone else just notice that Lindzi actually pronounces the first "T" in important? Rewind it to the part where she starts talking about how it's important to have a playful and quirky conversation. Or something like that.
8:13: How many times has Ben said this season, "I don't know if she'll be able to do this," and then two minutes later, she is able to do this?
8:14: I didn't even recognize Lindzi in the interview after her helicopter jump. Then I realized why - the water washed away the tons of makeup she had on her face, and we saw her real non-overly-bronzed-face without the makeup. Mrs. G-Unit's theory about Lindzi's makeup was spot on. Notice how after she's back in the house, she returns as bronzed Lindzi - she's had time to put her makeup back on. The funny thing is, I think she might look better with the natural look than the Jersey Shore over-tanned look. Anyone else agree with me?
8:20: As always, great guitar strumming background music by the sound editors to set the mood.
8:23: "Tonight is such an imporTant night." Lindzi pronounced the first T again! Is anyone else noticing this?
8:25: Lindzi is a lefty. Ben is not.
8:26: Someone is going to find that bottle and think that two ten year olds wrote the story.
8:32: What if Emily didn't know how to ride a bike?
8:33: Now I'm hungry for a coconut.
8:34: Just try to tell me that lobster conversation wasn't totally staged.
8:36: Now I'm hungry for lobster. But good lobster. Not that Red Lobster crap.
8:39: Seriously, I'm really hungry. This is what happens when I have Subway for dinner at 5:30 after going for an early lunch because I didn't have breakfast. I wonder if Casey is a good cook.
8:40: They just ran a commercial for Chapman's. I'm pretty sure that running the commercial during The Bachelor was not a coincidence. They know their target market. In related news, I'm back to being hungry for ice cream. I don't care if it's still winter.
8:42: CTM has a diary. Of course she does.
8:45: We all saw Emily's tongue during that kiss, right?
8:47: "It took every fiber of my being to not run across the room and punch her in the face." Needy Kacie (NK), I know how that feels.
8:52: Was it just me or did they blurcle the name of CTM's plane? CTM is a magnet for the blurcle.
9:05: Don't worry, my computer is still alive and I'm still here. I'm just transfixed by CTM's ability to turn the tables on Ben. If I didn't know any better, I'd think that this was an episode of The Bachelorette and CTM was deciding whether to keep Ben on the show.
9:07: Is anyone else hoping that CTM is around next week just so that we could meet her parents? Are they normal or crazy like her?
9:13: There was a split-second shot of Ben's face during his conversation with CTM as she was going on and on that makes me think he's sending her home tonight.
9:18: I love how Nicki says, "I'm so not sexy right now" as she's wearing a tiny bikini with her boobs hanging out.
9:19: I am a fan of Nicki's blue bikini.
9:23: I wonder what Rachel's tramp stamp is.
9:24: NK says, "I didn't think I was a jealous person." You might have not thought that, but I sure did. That's why your nickname is Needy Kacie.
9:30: Let me rephrase my comment from 9:19. I am a fan of how Nicki fills out her blue bikini.
9:31: Final three prediction: Lindzi, Emily, and Kacie.
9:35: I'm going to feel really bad for NK when she gets sent home, or I'm going to feel really good for her when she gets a proposal because she'll be so genuinely happy.
9:37: Nicki is putting on an epic gun show tonight.
9:44: Actually, Chris Harrison, you are the man I was hoping to see.
9:49: I didn't realize two are getting sent home. No way that Rachel makes this cut.
9:52: Nicki is bouncing her way to hometown dates next week!
9:54: Rachel feels "very rejected". Possibly because she was just rejected.
9:55: Rachel and Emily were sooo close to an ugly cry. But to be clear, nothing will ever top Casey's ugly cry from last week.
9:57: Next week's hometown dates look intense. I look forward to meeting CTM's parents. I get the feeling she might be one of those uber-spoiled girls.
9:59: I'm absolutely shocked that promotional consideration was provided by the Belize Tourism Board.
10:00: I'm still hungry.
7:45: It's quarter to eight. Do you know where your desperate single daughters are?
7:50: If it's the night before Valentine's Day and I'm watching The Bachelor alone on my couch, should I be eating ice cream straight from the bucket or eating a whole bag of chips? I want to know what would make the more compelling visual.
7:57: Crap. Now I'm actually hungry, and the only prescription that can solve my problem is potato chips or ice cream. That, or more cowbell.
7:58: Did you know that Chris Harrison hosted one of those red carpet shows before the Grammys last night? No? Um, neither did I.
7:59: Jeopardy! was on before The Bachelor. Apparently it's the first half of the college tournament finals. I'm not nearly as excited about this as Alex Trebek.
8:01: People have alternately compared Ben to Rafael Nadal and a rat. I never really saw it until the start of the show when he was squinting into the camera. Total rat-face. I'm tempted to call him Splinter from now on.
8:04: The color of Chris Harrison's shirt can only be described as pastel blue.
8:05: I was just about to say that Nicki was my favorite remaining girl, then she goes and starts crying for no reason whatsoever five minutes into the show. The title of FMC among the remaining girls remains up for grabs.
8:08: Who am I kidding? Casey is my one and only this season.
8:09: But seriously, does anyone out there know any single girls who are like Casey? I've got my Neil Lane ring and a camera crew ready to capture my awkward proposal.
8:11: Now I'm hungry for cheesecake.
8:12: Did anyone else just notice that Lindzi actually pronounces the first "T" in important? Rewind it to the part where she starts talking about how it's important to have a playful and quirky conversation. Or something like that.
8:13: How many times has Ben said this season, "I don't know if she'll be able to do this," and then two minutes later, she is able to do this?
8:14: I didn't even recognize Lindzi in the interview after her helicopter jump. Then I realized why - the water washed away the tons of makeup she had on her face, and we saw her real non-overly-bronzed-face without the makeup. Mrs. G-Unit's theory about Lindzi's makeup was spot on. Notice how after she's back in the house, she returns as bronzed Lindzi - she's had time to put her makeup back on. The funny thing is, I think she might look better with the natural look than the Jersey Shore over-tanned look. Anyone else agree with me?
8:20: As always, great guitar strumming background music by the sound editors to set the mood.
8:23: "Tonight is such an imporTant night." Lindzi pronounced the first T again! Is anyone else noticing this?
8:25: Lindzi is a lefty. Ben is not.
8:26: Someone is going to find that bottle and think that two ten year olds wrote the story.
8:32: What if Emily didn't know how to ride a bike?
8:33: Now I'm hungry for a coconut.
8:34: Just try to tell me that lobster conversation wasn't totally staged.
8:36: Now I'm hungry for lobster. But good lobster. Not that Red Lobster crap.
8:39: Seriously, I'm really hungry. This is what happens when I have Subway for dinner at 5:30 after going for an early lunch because I didn't have breakfast. I wonder if Casey is a good cook.
8:40: They just ran a commercial for Chapman's. I'm pretty sure that running the commercial during The Bachelor was not a coincidence. They know their target market. In related news, I'm back to being hungry for ice cream. I don't care if it's still winter.
8:42: CTM has a diary. Of course she does.
8:45: We all saw Emily's tongue during that kiss, right?
8:47: "It took every fiber of my being to not run across the room and punch her in the face." Needy Kacie (NK), I know how that feels.
8:52: Was it just me or did they blurcle the name of CTM's plane? CTM is a magnet for the blurcle.
9:05: Don't worry, my computer is still alive and I'm still here. I'm just transfixed by CTM's ability to turn the tables on Ben. If I didn't know any better, I'd think that this was an episode of The Bachelorette and CTM was deciding whether to keep Ben on the show.
9:07: Is anyone else hoping that CTM is around next week just so that we could meet her parents? Are they normal or crazy like her?
9:13: There was a split-second shot of Ben's face during his conversation with CTM as she was going on and on that makes me think he's sending her home tonight.
9:18: I love how Nicki says, "I'm so not sexy right now" as she's wearing a tiny bikini with her boobs hanging out.
9:19: I am a fan of Nicki's blue bikini.
9:23: I wonder what Rachel's tramp stamp is.
9:24: NK says, "I didn't think I was a jealous person." You might have not thought that, but I sure did. That's why your nickname is Needy Kacie.
9:30: Let me rephrase my comment from 9:19. I am a fan of how Nicki fills out her blue bikini.
9:31: Final three prediction: Lindzi, Emily, and Kacie.
9:35: I'm going to feel really bad for NK when she gets sent home, or I'm going to feel really good for her when she gets a proposal because she'll be so genuinely happy.
9:37: Nicki is putting on an epic gun show tonight.
9:44: Actually, Chris Harrison, you are the man I was hoping to see.
9:49: I didn't realize two are getting sent home. No way that Rachel makes this cut.
9:52: Nicki is bouncing her way to hometown dates next week!
9:54: Rachel feels "very rejected". Possibly because she was just rejected.
9:55: Rachel and Emily were sooo close to an ugly cry. But to be clear, nothing will ever top Casey's ugly cry from last week.
9:57: Next week's hometown dates look intense. I look forward to meeting CTM's parents. I get the feeling she might be one of those uber-spoiled girls.
9:59: I'm absolutely shocked that promotional consideration was provided by the Belize Tourism Board.
10:00: I'm still hungry.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
The Chantastic shortcut
I have sent yet another e-mail/text where I use the words "I can't do Monday night because that's Bachelor night". At this point, I think it'd be easier if this phrase was a shortcut on my computer.
Thursday, December 08, 2011
2012 Bachelor Preview
I've been awaiting the release of the bachelorette bios from this year's Bachelor, and of course they release them the night before I leave for Hong Kong. Is that going to stop me? Of course not. Am I judging a bunch of women based on just a picture and a few paragraphs of text? Yes. Is that wrong? Of course not. With that being said, let's meet the ladies:
Amber B - She is a fan of Eat Pray Love. I have made my thoughts known on Eat Pray Love. The transitive property thus equates to me not being a fan of Amber B.
Amber T - My buddy Lam is crashing on my couch tonight and will be popping in and out with his thoughtful observations on a handful of ladies. Lam's thoughts on Amber T: "She looks like she belongs in a trailer park." Ladies, Lam is shockingly still single if you're interested.
If you wanted to impress a man what would you do and why?
Anna - What is the most outrageous thing Anna has ever done?
Blakely - If Blake Lively needs a nickname, Blakely works. And speaking of work, Blakely's occupation is listed as "VIP Cocktail Waitress". She wants everyone to know that she's not just some cocktail waitress. No no. Let's make it very clear. She only works the VIP area. Big difference, people. Big difference.
Brittney - Meh.
Casey S - Six bachelorettes in, and we've found our first FMC! Casey's best memory was "laughing all night with a guy I had just met". Hey, people occasionally think I'm funny - that could be me! I'm excited to meet Casey S.
Courtney - What is your ideal mate's personality like?
Dianna - What is the most romantic present you have ever received and why?
Elyse - What are your 3 best attributes?
Emily - I hate it when my date:
Erika - Tattoo count: 2. Location: Wrist, lip.
Wait, where's that tattoo again???
Holly - Lam weighs in: "She's got a lazy eye!"
What's your worst date memory?
Jaclyn - Her facial features look like they're from the pages of a fashion magazine. Unfortunately, it looks like they came from five different models inside that magazine.
Jamie - What is your favorite memory from your childhood?
Jenna - Occupation: Blogger.
I like her already.
Do you like being the center of the attention or do you prefer being more mysterious and why?
Jennifer - Lam thinks her smile is forced, and I tend to agree. There's no need to see every single tooth you have when you smile.
Tattoo count: 4
Location: feet, right hip and lower back
She only lists three locations of her four tattoos. Either she has two tattoos in one of those locations, or she has a "secret location" tattoo. I'm going with the two-in-one for Jennifer. Also, it's our first lower back tattoo alert!
Kacie - What is your ideal mates personality like?
Tattoo location: Foot, side and another location. Well, that's not very Christian-like, now is it?
Lindzi C - Really? "Lindzi"? Really?
If you were stranded on a desert island what 3 things would you bring and why?
Lyndsie J - Seriously? "Lyndsie" and "Lindzi"? I'm protesting these names and moving on.
Monica - If you were stranded on a desert island what 3 things would you bring with you and why?
Rachel - If you could be someone else for just one day, who would it be and why?
Amber B - She is a fan of Eat Pray Love. I have made my thoughts known on Eat Pray Love. The transitive property thus equates to me not being a fan of Amber B.
Amber T - My buddy Lam is crashing on my couch tonight and will be popping in and out with his thoughtful observations on a handful of ladies. Lam's thoughts on Amber T: "She looks like she belongs in a trailer park." Ladies, Lam is shockingly still single if you're interested.
If you wanted to impress a man what would you do and why?
I would cook him an amazing dinner! The best way to a man's heart is through his stomach.Yes, but what can you really cook in a trailer?
Anna - What is the most outrageous thing Anna has ever done?
I jumped out of a plane at 15,000 feet and I loved every second of it. I went skydiving.Anna likes to answer a question. And then answer it again for people with an IQ less than 70.
Blakely - If Blake Lively needs a nickname, Blakely works. And speaking of work, Blakely's occupation is listed as "VIP Cocktail Waitress". She wants everyone to know that she's not just some cocktail waitress. No no. Let's make it very clear. She only works the VIP area. Big difference, people. Big difference.
Brittney - Meh.
Casey S - Six bachelorettes in, and we've found our first FMC! Casey's best memory was "laughing all night with a guy I had just met". Hey, people occasionally think I'm funny - that could be me! I'm excited to meet Casey S.
Courtney - What is your ideal mate's personality like?
Warm, caring, amazing, sense of humor, flirty, genuine, keeps me on my toes, sensitive & has depth.So many thoughts. First, what's the difference between warm, caring, and sensitive? Can you be warm and caring but not sensitive? Second, could someone please explain to me what "amazing" means in the context of this question. What the hell does it even mean to have an "amazing" personality? It's like going to a restaurant for steak and when the waiter asks how you like your steak cooked, you answer, "I want the steak to be awesome!"
Dianna - What is the most romantic present you have ever received and why?
An autographed picture from JC from N'sync because my boyfriend at the time knew how much I loved him.I'm going out on a limb by saying that Dianna had an extremely patient boyfriend. And this is coming from someone who enjoys Mariah Carey. And for the record, I don't want an autographed picture of Mariah. Not that that ever stopped G-Unit from putting a framed picture of Mariah on my desk one day at work many years ago. And yes, the picture remained until I left the job. Don't judge me.
Elyse - What are your 3 best attributes?
Light hearted - I love to have fun, people have fun around me.Motivational - I am very inspiring and positive.Funny - I love making people happy.What is your ideal mate's personality like?
Trustworthy, kind, funny, spontaneous, romantic, isn't overly jealous and confidentWhat's your worst date memory?
I make everything fun. :)We have our early favorite for "Overly Perky Girl Who Drives Everyone Else In The House Crazy Because She's So Energetic And Happy All The Time".
Emily - I hate it when my date:
Uses a coupon to bring the bill down to $4.32, then tips the waitress 67 cents. You know who you are.Here's what I want to know. Did this guy unload a bucket of change onto the table, or does Emily lack the ability to properly subtract? Since Emily is a PhD student, I'll give her the benefit of the doubt and imagine $4.99 being dumped onto the table in front of a mortified Emily.
Erika - Tattoo count: 2. Location: Wrist, lip.
Wait, where's that tattoo again???
Holly - Lam weighs in: "She's got a lazy eye!"
What's your worst date memory?
A blind date with an absolute geek that had on 80's clothes in 1997 - couldn't wait for it to end.So the girl with the lazy eye is judging the appearance of someone else?
Jaclyn - Her facial features look like they're from the pages of a fashion magazine. Unfortunately, it looks like they came from five different models inside that magazine.
Jamie - What is your favorite memory from your childhood?
Shocking my 6th grade teacher when I could state all 4 chambers of the heart. I stated the direction the blood flowed and which valves it flowed through.She might have impressed the teacher, but I can pretty much guarantee that the rest of her class hated her. Nobody likes a know-it-all in the sixth grade.
Jenna - Occupation: Blogger.
I like her already.
Do you like being the center of the attention or do you prefer being more mysterious and why?
This is tough - I love keeping people guessing, yet I madly love to make people laugh.I take that back. Her answer makes sense, yet the way it's phrased doesn't make sense. Who says "I madly love to..."? What is this, an 1870s play?
Jennifer - Lam thinks her smile is forced, and I tend to agree. There's no need to see every single tooth you have when you smile.
Tattoo count: 4
Location: feet, right hip and lower back
She only lists three locations of her four tattoos. Either she has two tattoos in one of those locations, or she has a "secret location" tattoo. I'm going with the two-in-one for Jennifer. Also, it's our first lower back tattoo alert!
Kacie - What is your ideal mates personality like?
Outgoing, fun-loving, athletic, driven, goal oriented, sensitive but strong, not afraid to try new things, Christian, family oriented, love childrenI've never watched a season with a seriously religious person on it before. This would be interesting to watch, especially if she gets to the final three and has the dilemma of the overnight dates and the chance at a fantasy suite. I can see it now: "Ben, I don't think God would approve of you rocking my world tonight after knocking boots with someone else last night, followed by you sleeping with a third girl tomorrow night. But it doesn't explicitly say that in the Bible, so let's get busy."
Tattoo location: Foot, side and another location. Well, that's not very Christian-like, now is it?
Lindzi C - Really? "Lindzi"? Really?
If you were stranded on a desert island what 3 things would you bring and why?
My iPhone for its camera app - I love photographyLet me get this straight. You're stranded on a desert island and you have your iPhone with you. Instead of using it to call to be rescued, you'd use it to take pictures. I'm also intrigued as to how you're going to charge your iPhone after you take a few pictures. Are you going to plug it into a coconut?
Lyndsie J - Seriously? "Lyndsie" and "Lindzi"? I'm protesting these names and moving on.
Monica - If you were stranded on a desert island what 3 things would you bring with you and why?
Endless Supply of Pina Coladas
What is your favorite hoiday and why?
St Patty's Day - must be the Irish in me. Or the great beer, food, and fun gatherings.
Someone likes to party....and is possibly eligible for the lower back tattoo alert!
Nicki - If you wanted to approach a man you had never met before, how would you go about doing it?
Make him notice me (walk by, talk to his friend, etc.) then make flirtatious eye contact with him until he approaches meNicki's plan to approaching a man is to make him approach her. OK then.
Rachel - If you could be someone else for just one day, who would it be and why?
I think I would want to be a guy for the day just to see what it's like....I think I would hate it but it would be good insight. Either that or a huge celebrity and see what it's like to be followed and photographed everywhere you go.
The question asked her to pick a person, and she literally answered with men and a celebrity. Let's put a little more thought into the questionnaire next time, shall we?
Samantha - Her three tattoos lie in "various locations". I bet they can be seen in various positions.
Shawn - Shawn is a financial advisor and her five tattoos lie in "various locations". Samantha is impressed.
Do you consider yourself romantic and why?
Sheryl - Three theories:
I think I am romantic I love romance, passion, intimacy and creating special memories! I also love leaving I love you notes in lunch boxes or surprising the people I love with unexpected things just to say thinking of you.I'm not sure I would be comfortable with receiving financial advice from someone who still has a lunch box like she's in the second grade.
Sheryl - Three theories:
- This is just a joke that they put on the website since the website says 25 bachelorettes and Sheryl would be #26.
- Sheryl is here to introduce her (grand)daughter to Ben.
- She's a secret spy for Ben.
Shira - Question mark for age and a actress listed as her occupation. I believe drama eagerly awaits Shira in more than one way. No doubt that her being an actress will lead to many a "She's not here for the right reasons" discussion if she sticks around.
So that's the field of 25. Let the catty insults and melodrama begin!
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