Finally, the premiere is upon us. And after you watch this one minute clip of Sean, you'll be as fired up as I am. Just tremendous emotional manipulation in that package, especially the piano solo at the end of the clip.
If you're looking for a primer on the bachelorettes, look no further than my Bachelor preview of the bachelorette bios that sums up the important facts about each woman. The quick summary for me is that Lauren, Lesley, and Lindsay are all fighting for top FMC status.
7:56: I'm calling 8:05 for the "When will Chris Harrison say 'Hi, I'm Chris Harrison' followed by me immediately typing 'You don't need to introduce yourself, Chris. We know who you are.'" pool.
8:00: Yes! It's here!
8:03: I see that this is going to be the season of gratuitous shots of Sean's body.
8:04: I suppose that's fair given that I get 25 women to ogle at.
8:05: For the record, I was not aware that "ogle" was spelled with only 1 G.
8:06: Wow, I was way off with my guess of an 8:05 Chris Harrison intro.
8:07: Someone needs to explain to me how Sean is single. After watching this vignette, I think I'm falling for Sean.
8:11: My extensive research of the bachelorette bios tells me that the troublemaker from the preview of this season is either Selma or Tierra.
8:14: I like that Arie and Sean are boyz.
8:15: This Arie/Sean segment is tremendous.
8:18: Arie and Sean need to have their own reality show.
8:21: OK, that was all fun and good, but I think we've earned ourselves some sitdown Chris Harrison interview time.
8:23: Why is being The Bachelor humbling? Isn't it the opposite of humbling? You're put in a place where 25 women worship you.
8:24: Chris Harrison just introduced himself, so please indulge me. You don't need to introduce yourself, Chris. We know who you are.
8:25: Tierra: "I've been in love twice, and I've had my heart broken...twice." Tierra is quite the math genius.
8:27: Look at Diana's house. No normal single mom lives in that big of a house without being loaded.
8:29: If you're not rooting for One-Armed Sarah, you don't have a heart.
8:30: Lesley is currently the lead FMC, but I feel like she could be overtaken.
8:32: Forget about AshLee's sob story. AshLee needs to work on her running technique. That's terrible.
8:36: Is anybody else excited about the upcoming botched backflip/cartwheel limo entrance? Or is that just me?
8:37: Oh, it's just me. OK. Just checking.
8:38: I'm demanding a sitdown interview, Chris Harrison. DEMANDING.
8:39: No sitdown interview. Unbelievable.
8:40: Sean was kinda standing awkwardly while waiting for the first girl.
8:40: I'm a fan of AshLee. As long as her date with Sean isn't a jogging date, she'll be fine.
8:41: Love that they went all Latino music for Selma's entrance.
8:42: Where was the backhand slap part of the handshake?
8:44: Fifty Shades of Grey psycho Ashley scares me.
8:45: Who just screamed "OMG" in the car? Do they actually say the letters now, and not the actual phrase? Do they realize that it's the same number of syllables?
8:47: Holy crap! Is he going to do what I think he's going to do?!?!?!
8:48: SPOILER ALERT: Tierra's getting a rose after the commercial break.
8:50: I like how they went to commercial like Tierra's fate is up in the air. C'mon. It's so obvious she's getting a rose.
8:53: The reaction from the other girls to her rose should be interesting...
8:55: Nice move by Amanda. I'm going to steal it.
8:56: Keriann should just pack her bags home now. On the other hand, I'm in on Desiree.
8:57: Props to ABC for not milking the reaction from the other girls to One-Armed Sarah's one-armedness..
8:58: Lesley is the lead FMC.
8:59: Is Kristy The Model going to follow in the steps of Courtney The Model?
9:00: Yeah, emerging in a wedding dress is kind of a step too far...
9:02: Is an ex emerging from the car? What's going on right now? I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL AFTER THE COMMERCIAL.
9:06: Oh nooo...
9:07: Can't wait to see the reactions of the other girls to Needy Kacie's triumphant (?) return. Can't believe NK is back.
9:08: Yeah, who is thinking that NK is here to "give advice"? Because, I mean, that's an "advice-giving" dress.
9:11: Love that it doesn't say Kacie's job under her name on her caption. It just says "Ben's Season". Awesome.
9:12: Desiree is setting a world record for most times a person can lick her lips in a minute.
9:14: This show is the best.
9:20: Rulebreaker Sean! Love has no rules!
9:21: I wish I could bet on things like "Sean will give a rose to one and exactly one of the African-American bachelorettes".
9:21: "I wish I was more sober right now." This show is the best.
9:24: Fifty Shades of Grey Ashley is...something. Wow.
9:25: Fifty Shades of Drunk. Well done, Sean, well done.
9:35: I also wish I could have bet on things like "Sean will give a rose to the one-armed bachelorette".
9:36: I'm OK if NK isn't part of this season.
9:42: I love how they've split up the rose and non-rose bachelorettes for the rose ceremony.
9:43 FMC lives to fight another day!
9:44: Oh dear God no. Not more NK.
9:46: Love the reaction shots of the girls after the final rose is handed out. Does that make me a bad person?
9:47: So Kelly...no way it's real, right? I'm talking about the tan. Get your head out of the gutter.
9:56: I'm shocked, shocked, that the girl whose name sounds like a crown for nobility might be a source of drama.
10:00: Bumsky!
10:01: There seems to be a lot of potential. The next couple of months should be fun!
Monday, January 07, 2013
Thursday, January 03, 2013
2013 Bachelor Preview
The Bachelor is back and so is the running blog! I'll be here live blogging away every Monday until I run out of sarcasm. But before that happens, we should take a look at the bachelorette bios that ABC has posted. I must say, I'm a bit disappointed in ABC. First of all, there is no tattoo locator on the bio page this year, so there won't be any "I'm too ashamed to say where my tattoos are, so I'm just going to say that my tattoos lie in 'various locations'" answers like last year. Second, ABC has put up both individual bio pages, and a "bachelorette cheat sheet". Now, you would think that the cheat sheet would just summarize the information from the individual bio pages, and that they would not contain any new information. You, of course, would be wrong. The cheat sheet tells us yay/nay on tattoos, engaged/married/kids, college graduate, and pet ownership, as well as a scale for neat/tidy, longest relationship, and "time needed for a date". Meanwhile, the individual bio page follows the typical three question format. Needless to say, it'd be a pain in the ass to toggle back and forth to get all the information. Fortunately for you, I'm here to tell you what's important about each bachelorette. Now let's go pass judgement on 25 women!
Amanda: Amanda works as a "fit model". I assumed this was slang for a fitness model, but Wikipedia explained to me what a fit model really does, which is "effectively acting as a live mannequin". No doubt that her college degree is in the fine art of live-mannequining, working under the tutelage of Jeff Hyslop.
Ashlee: On one part of the ABC bio page, the "L" is capitalized. On another, it is not. I need to know if she has a ridiculous name.
If you could have lunch with one person, who would it be and why?
Adele, I want to hear her story behind her music. Then I'd have her sing to me the rest of lunch.
I'm pretty sure if you wanted to hear the story behind Adele's music, a Google search would solve your problems. And it's not like "Someone Like You" is a song full of metaphors. Spoiler alert, but here is the "story" that AshLee wants Adele to tell her: She had a boyfriend. They broke up. He moved on. Now she must move on. The end.
Ashley H:
What are your favorite foods?
Anything prepared with organic products; but I love everything!
So to summarize, her favorite food is anything organic. But she loves everything. (But preferably organic.)
In other news, the "Someone Like You" just stopped playing in the background on my computer.
Ashley P:
What is a typical Saturday night like for you?
Going out with my best friends and their fiances/husbands. Whoever/whatever. My 2 closest GF's all do dinner and get ready together.
Nothing more fun than being the fifth wheel on a double date!
Do you condier yourself a romantic and why?
Yes! extremely I wear my <3 on my sleeve and tend to let my emotions rule over my head and romantic attention (I am a Leo).
First of all, someone at ABC needs to be fired for that attempt at spelling "consider". That's a disgrace to the high standards of The Bachelor franchise. Second, you really couldn't spell out the word "heart", Ashley? Really? Those extra three characters too much for you to punch into a keyboard?
Brooke: I can't remember the last time they had an African-American bachelorette on the show. In the likely event that I'll say something very inappropriate, it's best just to leave this one alone and move on.
Catherine: Below is Catherine's entire Q&A.
Who do you admire most in the world and why?
Anyone who can look beyond themselves and unselfishly help others. Giving more than they may have. They are an example for us all.
Do you consider yourself a romantic and why?
Absolutely. Love is the best and expressing it to someone is so special.
What are the top 3 things on your bucket list, and why?
To eat traditional pasta in Italy, to go skiing in the Alps, and to ride an elephant in Thailand.
I would like to visit Catherine someday because she lives in a world full of rainbows, sunshine, and unicorns.
Daniella: She lists her height as 5'7.5". Not 5'7". She insists on making sure you know about that extra half-inch.
Desiree:
What is your favorite all-time book and why?
"Eat, Pray, Love" because it's a personal journey of overcoming and finding love and happiness along the way.
Please refer to my thoughts on Amber B last year regarding EPL.
Diana: She is 31, has a college degree, has been married before, and her longest relationship was 8 years. If you do the math, she probably married her college and/or high school sweetheart. I'll take "Emotional Baggage With Some Vulnerability" for $1000, Alex.
Jackie: Actual Q&A from her bio page, presented without comment below:
What is your most embarrassing moment?
I'm pretty clumsy so I fall a lot. I had my blood taken once and was blacking out while my mom was taking me back to the car. Apparently I started screaming and sat down on what I thought was a chair in the waiting room, no chair just an old lady!!!
Katie:
Do you like being the center of attention, or do you prefer being more mysterious and why?
I don't mind attention being on me but I maintain an air of mystery, I think. I don't share everything with everyone.
In other words, Katie is going to be the girl that nobody in the house likes because she doesn't talk to anyone.
Kelly:
Who do you admire most in the world and why?
Anyone who can live their lives without caring what anyone else thinks. That's a huge thing I'm working through right now.
What is your favorite all-time book and why?
"Sassy, Single, and Satisfied" - it's a book about loving who you are first and foremost so you can cultivate the best in all your relationships.
Translation: Kelly has insecurity issues. Also, there's no way those are real.
Keriann: In the interests of full disclosure, the Grantland Reality TV podcast has already gone through the bachelorette bios, and I have listened to it (it's well worth your 15 minutes to listen to the Bachelor portion at the beginning). I've tried my best to not duplicate any of their thoughts on here, but sometimes, you can't outdo the great Dave Jacoby in summarizing a bachelorette's bio.
What is your greatest achievement to date?
Going back to college...I moved to a new state, made new friends, had multiple jobs and had a blast while keeping an honors scholarship, high GPA and finishing with a degree in 4 years!
Jacoby's take: "Going back (to college) at all is her greatest achievement to date. I think that screams 'waitress' more than her appearance."
Kristy: To piggyback on the Grantland Reality TV podcast, Kristy is definitely a favorite to win. However, I feel like if you stare at her picture long enough, lasers will come shooting out of her eyeballs.
Lacey:
Do you consider yourself a romantic and why?
Recently yes! I would choose to stay in & cook and be romantic with a boy then go out and socialize with others. i would love to take a romantic trip with someone.
Lacey is 24, her longest relationship was one year max if I'm eyeballing the scale on the cheat sheet correctly, she uses the phrase "be romantic with a boy", and it sounds like she's never been on a romantic trip in her life. So basically, Lacey is like a teenage girl.
Lauren: Finally, someone who might qualify for FMC status!
Lesley: Watch this clip. I am all in on Lesley. FMC for sure.
Leslie: Is this another African-American on the show? It's almost like the producers of the show were sued for being too white...
Lindsay: Definitely a fan of her. We are on an FMC run!
What is the most romantic present you have given? Why?
I made my ex-boyfriend a drawing book when he studied abroad becauese he loves to draw. He loved it!
I want to know everything about this drawing book. Isn't a drawing book just a book of blank pages? Or is it an empty notebook with instructions? Page 1 - draw a horse. Page 2 - draw what you see outside. Maybe it's just me, but this doesn't sound like a very good present. Or is she saying she made a book of her own drawings and gave it to him? Because that's not a very good present either - note that her ex loved to draw, not loved to look at drawings. And how many typos can ABC have on these bios? Someone better be fired for this. I'm outraged.
Paige: Paige was on thegreatest show on TV this summer Bachelor Pad this summer, and there's no doubt that the other women will bring this up. I think there's going to be a lot of "What is she doing here? She was already on Bachelor Pad!" and "She doesn't deserve to be here" even though Bachelor Pad is ostensibly a different show than The Bachelor. Why will the bachelorettes do this? Because they're looking for any reason to ostracize one of the girls. This is a show born from drama and cattiness, remember?
Robyn: OK, seriously. We get it, Bachelor producers. You're not racist. But throwing multiple black bachelorettes at us after not having a single one over the past few seasons is overdoing it.
Sarah: Sarah is 26 and lists her occupation as "Advertising Executive". Let's see part of her Q&A.
What was your college experience like?
Finding the right college was tough for me. I tried fitting in several university "type" colleges - even rushed for a sorority. But it wasn't a fit for me - so I transferred to art school.
Do you have any pets and if so, what kind?
I have a 2-yr. old French Bulldog named Leo, after lion - not Leonardo Dicaprio - although he's incredibly handsome. Leo's not just a pet, he's my son! He even comes to work with me everyday.
Maybe it's just me, but I find it difficult to believe that a 26 year old who bounced around numerous universities before graduating from art school and brings her dog to work everyday is also an "Advertising Executive".
Selma: Yeah, there's no way those are real either.
Taryn: Taryn is 30 years old, and her longest relationship was 10 years.
What is the most outrageous thing you have ever done?
Move towns with no job or place set, just left and figured it out when i got there.
What is your ideal mate's personality like?
Optimistic on life, fun and open to new things, motivated, organized in his finances but not too uptight about them, can joke around when the time is right.
This is what I'm assuming: Taryn met her ex when she was a teenager and naive, and her ex turned out to be an unmotivated bum who had no idea how to make or save money, but she was too naive to realize it, and when she did, she just bailed on him and got the hell out of town as soon as she could.
Tierra:
If you could have lunch with one person, who would it be and why?
My future soul-mate! I just want to meet him already. Someone who it is just as naturual and we are best friends!
Do you consider yourself a romantic and why?
I like to be a romantic at times, I just haven't found someone who i can share that with yet.
Someone is desperate for a boyfriend...
And seriously, someone on the ABC website design team better be getting canned for all these typos. Hell, fire that guy's boss too for hiring the person.
Interestingly, there are 25 women listed here, but the "cheat sheet" says there are 26, so someone is going to crash the party, and I bet that's not going to go over well with the bachelorettes. Looking forward to January 7th, when we will reconvene the running blog for the entire two hours every week!
Amanda: Amanda works as a "fit model". I assumed this was slang for a fitness model, but Wikipedia explained to me what a fit model really does, which is "effectively acting as a live mannequin". No doubt that her college degree is in the fine art of live-mannequining, working under the tutelage of Jeff Hyslop.
Ashlee: On one part of the ABC bio page, the "L" is capitalized. On another, it is not. I need to know if she has a ridiculous name.
If you could have lunch with one person, who would it be and why?
Adele, I want to hear her story behind her music. Then I'd have her sing to me the rest of lunch.
I'm pretty sure if you wanted to hear the story behind Adele's music, a Google search would solve your problems. And it's not like "Someone Like You" is a song full of metaphors. Spoiler alert, but here is the "story" that AshLee wants Adele to tell her: She had a boyfriend. They broke up. He moved on. Now she must move on. The end.
Ashley H:
What are your favorite foods?
Anything prepared with organic products; but I love everything!
So to summarize, her favorite food is anything organic. But she loves everything. (But preferably organic.)
In other news, the "Someone Like You" just stopped playing in the background on my computer.
Ashley P:
What is a typical Saturday night like for you?
Going out with my best friends and their fiances/husbands. Whoever/whatever. My 2 closest GF's all do dinner and get ready together.
Nothing more fun than being the fifth wheel on a double date!
Do you condier yourself a romantic and why?
Yes! extremely I wear my <3 on my sleeve and tend to let my emotions rule over my head and romantic attention (I am a Leo).
First of all, someone at ABC needs to be fired for that attempt at spelling "consider". That's a disgrace to the high standards of The Bachelor franchise. Second, you really couldn't spell out the word "heart", Ashley? Really? Those extra three characters too much for you to punch into a keyboard?
Brooke: I can't remember the last time they had an African-American bachelorette on the show. In the likely event that I'll say something very inappropriate, it's best just to leave this one alone and move on.
Catherine: Below is Catherine's entire Q&A.
Who do you admire most in the world and why?
Anyone who can look beyond themselves and unselfishly help others. Giving more than they may have. They are an example for us all.
Do you consider yourself a romantic and why?
Absolutely. Love is the best and expressing it to someone is so special.
What are the top 3 things on your bucket list, and why?
To eat traditional pasta in Italy, to go skiing in the Alps, and to ride an elephant in Thailand.
I would like to visit Catherine someday because she lives in a world full of rainbows, sunshine, and unicorns.
Daniella: She lists her height as 5'7.5". Not 5'7". She insists on making sure you know about that extra half-inch.
Desiree:
What is your favorite all-time book and why?
"Eat, Pray, Love" because it's a personal journey of overcoming and finding love and happiness along the way.
Please refer to my thoughts on Amber B last year regarding EPL.
Diana: She is 31, has a college degree, has been married before, and her longest relationship was 8 years. If you do the math, she probably married her college and/or high school sweetheart. I'll take "Emotional Baggage With Some Vulnerability" for $1000, Alex.
Jackie: Actual Q&A from her bio page, presented without comment below:
What is your most embarrassing moment?
I'm pretty clumsy so I fall a lot. I had my blood taken once and was blacking out while my mom was taking me back to the car. Apparently I started screaming and sat down on what I thought was a chair in the waiting room, no chair just an old lady!!!
Katie:
Do you like being the center of attention, or do you prefer being more mysterious and why?
I don't mind attention being on me but I maintain an air of mystery, I think. I don't share everything with everyone.
In other words, Katie is going to be the girl that nobody in the house likes because she doesn't talk to anyone.
Kelly:
Who do you admire most in the world and why?
Anyone who can live their lives without caring what anyone else thinks. That's a huge thing I'm working through right now.
What is your favorite all-time book and why?
"Sassy, Single, and Satisfied" - it's a book about loving who you are first and foremost so you can cultivate the best in all your relationships.
Translation: Kelly has insecurity issues. Also, there's no way those are real.
Keriann: In the interests of full disclosure, the Grantland Reality TV podcast has already gone through the bachelorette bios, and I have listened to it (it's well worth your 15 minutes to listen to the Bachelor portion at the beginning). I've tried my best to not duplicate any of their thoughts on here, but sometimes, you can't outdo the great Dave Jacoby in summarizing a bachelorette's bio.
What is your greatest achievement to date?
Going back to college...I moved to a new state, made new friends, had multiple jobs and had a blast while keeping an honors scholarship, high GPA and finishing with a degree in 4 years!
Jacoby's take: "Going back (to college) at all is her greatest achievement to date. I think that screams 'waitress' more than her appearance."
Kristy: To piggyback on the Grantland Reality TV podcast, Kristy is definitely a favorite to win. However, I feel like if you stare at her picture long enough, lasers will come shooting out of her eyeballs.
Lacey:
Do you consider yourself a romantic and why?
Recently yes! I would choose to stay in & cook and be romantic with a boy then go out and socialize with others. i would love to take a romantic trip with someone.
Lacey is 24, her longest relationship was one year max if I'm eyeballing the scale on the cheat sheet correctly, she uses the phrase "be romantic with a boy", and it sounds like she's never been on a romantic trip in her life. So basically, Lacey is like a teenage girl.
Lauren: Finally, someone who might qualify for FMC status!
Lesley: Watch this clip. I am all in on Lesley. FMC for sure.
Leslie: Is this another African-American on the show? It's almost like the producers of the show were sued for being too white...
Lindsay: Definitely a fan of her. We are on an FMC run!
What is the most romantic present you have given? Why?
I made my ex-boyfriend a drawing book when he studied abroad becauese he loves to draw. He loved it!
I want to know everything about this drawing book. Isn't a drawing book just a book of blank pages? Or is it an empty notebook with instructions? Page 1 - draw a horse. Page 2 - draw what you see outside. Maybe it's just me, but this doesn't sound like a very good present. Or is she saying she made a book of her own drawings and gave it to him? Because that's not a very good present either - note that her ex loved to draw, not loved to look at drawings. And how many typos can ABC have on these bios? Someone better be fired for this. I'm outraged.
Paige: Paige was on the
Robyn: OK, seriously. We get it, Bachelor producers. You're not racist. But throwing multiple black bachelorettes at us after not having a single one over the past few seasons is overdoing it.
Sarah: Sarah is 26 and lists her occupation as "Advertising Executive". Let's see part of her Q&A.
What was your college experience like?
Finding the right college was tough for me. I tried fitting in several university "type" colleges - even rushed for a sorority. But it wasn't a fit for me - so I transferred to art school.
Do you have any pets and if so, what kind?
I have a 2-yr. old French Bulldog named Leo, after lion - not Leonardo Dicaprio - although he's incredibly handsome. Leo's not just a pet, he's my son! He even comes to work with me everyday.
Maybe it's just me, but I find it difficult to believe that a 26 year old who bounced around numerous universities before graduating from art school and brings her dog to work everyday is also an "Advertising Executive".
Selma: Yeah, there's no way those are real either.
Taryn: Taryn is 30 years old, and her longest relationship was 10 years.
What is the most outrageous thing you have ever done?
Move towns with no job or place set, just left and figured it out when i got there.
What is your ideal mate's personality like?
Optimistic on life, fun and open to new things, motivated, organized in his finances but not too uptight about them, can joke around when the time is right.
This is what I'm assuming: Taryn met her ex when she was a teenager and naive, and her ex turned out to be an unmotivated bum who had no idea how to make or save money, but she was too naive to realize it, and when she did, she just bailed on him and got the hell out of town as soon as she could.
Tierra:
If you could have lunch with one person, who would it be and why?
My future soul-mate! I just want to meet him already. Someone who it is just as naturual and we are best friends!
Do you consider yourself a romantic and why?
I like to be a romantic at times, I just haven't found someone who i can share that with yet.
Someone is desperate for a boyfriend...
And seriously, someone on the ABC website design team better be getting canned for all these typos. Hell, fire that guy's boss too for hiring the person.
Interestingly, there are 25 women listed here, but the "cheat sheet" says there are 26, so someone is going to crash the party, and I bet that's not going to go over well with the bachelorettes. Looking forward to January 7th, when we will reconvene the running blog for the entire two hours every week!
Monday, September 10, 2012
Bachelor Pad: Season Finale
"Disturbing".
"The world will be talking about the Bachelor Pad finale."
"It may be two of the best hours that we've ever produced in the 10 years that we've been doing any franchise."
These are not words to describe a normal show. But they're being used by Chris Harrison and Bachelor Pad producers to describe tonight's season finale. This could be an epic night.
7:43: I'm so excited for tonight's episode that FMC Jamie is about #4 on my list of things I'm looking forward to tonight. And you know that's saying something.
7:58: This YouTube clip has easily topped Michael Stagliano as my favourite Bachelor Pad related music video. Just tremendous.
7:59: I'm giddy with excitement. Just giddy.
8:00: I bet you Chris Harrison will unnecessarily introduce himself to the audience tonight.
8:01: There's no need to introduce yourself, Chris Harrison. We know who you are. Sorry, but that's tradition.
8:03: Oh no. FMC Jamie got the same amount of cheers as the twins. Oh no. Oh no.
8:06: What is an "emotional banana sandwich"?
8:07: Broken glass. Broken dreams.
8:08: Still going! This makes me strangely happy.
8:09: "No, I'm good." Kalon doesn't disappoint.
8:14: Is Stags going to bring up his music tour during this interview?
8:17: I enjoy how Erica is upset that she was lied to on Bachelor Pad.
8:21: This show is the best.
8:26: Ed is sharply dressed tonight.
8:30: I just want to point out that Jaclyn met her supposed best friend on a reality show less than a year ago. Just throwing that out there.
8:32: How is there no update on Jaclyn and Ed? That was an awkward conversation that I wanted to witness.
8:39: Did Blakely just treat "Scorpio" and "scorpion" as the same word?
8:40: "THIS GUY."
8:41: I'm not sure that that's a good look for Jamie.
8:43: Jaclyn, I'd rather be socially awkward and hot than annoyingly needy and not.
8:45: Wait a second...from those previews, is Nick The Mute going to do what it looks like he's about to do?
8:51: I respect any dude that breaks out of the FriendZone.
8:52: They stood up to announce her moving to Portland? This is kinda ridiculous.
8:54: Neil Lane appearance!
8:55: Wow. Well, that explains why they stood up.
8:59: Chris is dressed well.
9:01: Wow, Nick is completely zoned out and could not care less about this Rachel-Stags situation.
9:02: It's weird to see Nick without a massive sunburn all over.
9:04: Every time they cut to Nick, it looks like he's thinking about how this could be time spent under the sun.
9:17: The fans speak!
9:19: Wait, where was Nick and Rachel's "plea"? I sure didn't hear one. Nick is mute one last time.
9:23: Rachel hasn't flipped out yet, which means there's only one reason for her to go crazy...
9:28: Oh, prisoner's dilemma, how I'm about to love you...
9:32: That is some tremendously bad acting Rachel and Nick are doing "pondering their decision". You know how I don't think about important life decisions? By picking up two giant signs over and over again.
9:38: Ohmygodthisisgoingtobesoeffinggood.
9:39: Why is Chris Harrison standing behind that weird barrier thing?
9:40: YESYESYESYESYESYES.
9:42: Epic speech. Epic everything. EPIC. EPIC. EPIC.
9:44: NICK IS MY HERO.
9:45: "I'm the schmuck with $250,000."
9:47: Nick is like the villain you didn't see coming, and it's amazing. Except his speech made perfect sense, and I don't blame him one bit. All he needed after his speech was to show "KEEP" and then a mic to drop on the ground as he walked off stage.
9:48: I would like to join the Nick Fan Club.
9:49: Excellent point, Kalon. Excellent point.
9:52: You know what I'd be doing if I just won $250,000? Grinning ear to ear like Nick, that's what.
9:56: Note that Rachel hasn't come up with one valid reason why what Nick did was wrong. Just a lot of crying and tears.
9:57: This was just so brilliant. And everything he said in his speech made perfect sense. Note that nobody was saying "He made the wrong decision." Just a lot of "I can't believe he did that" and "I feel bad for her". But his rationale was perfect. That's why this is the prisoner's dilemma.
10:00: AMAZING.
10:01 This season was like a great movie with a massive Sixth Sense-esque twist at the end. All of these clues that he wasn't who we thought he was, but we never put it together until the very, very end. Nick, I applaud the hell out of you. Well deserved, and well played.
10:07: Only one way to recap this season. "BP3. Anything goes." Followed by a slow clap. Can't wait til The Bachelor starts up again in January.
"The world will be talking about the Bachelor Pad finale."
"It may be two of the best hours that we've ever produced in the 10 years that we've been doing any franchise."
These are not words to describe a normal show. But they're being used by Chris Harrison and Bachelor Pad producers to describe tonight's season finale. This could be an epic night.
7:43: I'm so excited for tonight's episode that FMC Jamie is about #4 on my list of things I'm looking forward to tonight. And you know that's saying something.
7:58: This YouTube clip has easily topped Michael Stagliano as my favourite Bachelor Pad related music video. Just tremendous.
7:59: I'm giddy with excitement. Just giddy.
8:00: I bet you Chris Harrison will unnecessarily introduce himself to the audience tonight.
8:01: There's no need to introduce yourself, Chris Harrison. We know who you are. Sorry, but that's tradition.
8:03: Oh no. FMC Jamie got the same amount of cheers as the twins. Oh no. Oh no.
8:06: What is an "emotional banana sandwich"?
8:07: Broken glass. Broken dreams.
8:08: Still going! This makes me strangely happy.
8:09: "No, I'm good." Kalon doesn't disappoint.
8:14: Is Stags going to bring up his music tour during this interview?
8:17: I enjoy how Erica is upset that she was lied to on Bachelor Pad.
8:21: This show is the best.
8:26: Ed is sharply dressed tonight.
8:30: I just want to point out that Jaclyn met her supposed best friend on a reality show less than a year ago. Just throwing that out there.
8:32: How is there no update on Jaclyn and Ed? That was an awkward conversation that I wanted to witness.
8:39: Did Blakely just treat "Scorpio" and "scorpion" as the same word?
8:40: "THIS GUY."
8:41: I'm not sure that that's a good look for Jamie.
8:43: Jaclyn, I'd rather be socially awkward and hot than annoyingly needy and not.
8:45: Wait a second...from those previews, is Nick The Mute going to do what it looks like he's about to do?
8:51: I respect any dude that breaks out of the FriendZone.
8:52: They stood up to announce her moving to Portland? This is kinda ridiculous.
8:54: Neil Lane appearance!
8:55: Wow. Well, that explains why they stood up.
8:59: Chris is dressed well.
9:01: Wow, Nick is completely zoned out and could not care less about this Rachel-Stags situation.
9:02: It's weird to see Nick without a massive sunburn all over.
9:04: Every time they cut to Nick, it looks like he's thinking about how this could be time spent under the sun.
9:17: The fans speak!
9:19: Wait, where was Nick and Rachel's "plea"? I sure didn't hear one. Nick is mute one last time.
9:23: Rachel hasn't flipped out yet, which means there's only one reason for her to go crazy...
9:28: Oh, prisoner's dilemma, how I'm about to love you...
9:32: That is some tremendously bad acting Rachel and Nick are doing "pondering their decision". You know how I don't think about important life decisions? By picking up two giant signs over and over again.
9:38: Ohmygodthisisgoingtobesoeffinggood.
9:39: Why is Chris Harrison standing behind that weird barrier thing?
9:40: YESYESYESYESYESYES.
9:42: Epic speech. Epic everything. EPIC. EPIC. EPIC.
9:44: NICK IS MY HERO.
9:45: "I'm the schmuck with $250,000."
9:47: Nick is like the villain you didn't see coming, and it's amazing. Except his speech made perfect sense, and I don't blame him one bit. All he needed after his speech was to show "KEEP" and then a mic to drop on the ground as he walked off stage.
9:48: I would like to join the Nick Fan Club.
9:49: Excellent point, Kalon. Excellent point.
9:52: You know what I'd be doing if I just won $250,000? Grinning ear to ear like Nick, that's what.
9:56: Note that Rachel hasn't come up with one valid reason why what Nick did was wrong. Just a lot of crying and tears.
9:57: This was just so brilliant. And everything he said in his speech made perfect sense. Note that nobody was saying "He made the wrong decision." Just a lot of "I can't believe he did that" and "I feel bad for her". But his rationale was perfect. That's why this is the prisoner's dilemma.
10:00: AMAZING.
10:01 This season was like a great movie with a massive Sixth Sense-esque twist at the end. All of these clues that he wasn't who we thought he was, but we never put it together until the very, very end. Nick, I applaud the hell out of you. Well deserved, and well played.
10:07: Only one way to recap this season. "BP3. Anything goes." Followed by a slow clap. Can't wait til The Bachelor starts up again in January.
Monday, September 03, 2012
Bachelor Pad: Episode #7
It's Labour Day, so I've given the guy who writes the normal pre-amble to the running diary the day off. I'm a great boss like that.
7:57: Kalon's gone, Erica's gone, Stags is gone. Among the remaining cast members are Despondent Rachel and a possible mute. Who's going to provide the entertainment now?
8:01 Nick The Mute speaks!
8:02: Who decides on the champagne toast-giver? Why did Chris get to do it this episode? Is it because he won the spelling bee challenge last week?
8:03: Nick The Mute speaks again! Also, it seems like Nick has spent some time under the sun.
8:04: Blakely on Chris: "He is a good game-player. But he's also conniving and a liar." Isn't that what normally makes someone a good "game-player"?
8:05: Tony's breaking out the stylish beater today.
8:07: Speaking of Tony's wardrobe, Dave Jacoby of the Grantland Reality Fantasy League raised a good question during last week's episode: Why was Tony in an outfit befitting a figure skater?
8:09: Trapeze time!
8:10: Tony has unfortunate fashion choices.
8:11: Nick The Mute has a personality!
8:12: Gotta be Donna!
8:15: "Sarah's TV watching is definitely paying off."
8:18: I'd be lying if I said I'm not jealous of Sarah's Bachelor/ette/Pad knowledge.
8:23: Someone call the NRA - Rachel is putting on a gun show.
8:24: Nick is making up for lost time - he's spoken more this episode than all previous episodes.
8:25: For those counting at home, that's three mentions of Tony's son tonight, and we're only 25 minutes in. This is clearly the drinking game for this episode.
8:30: Another mention of Tony's son: drink!
8:31: Solid speech by Chris, though.
8:32: Ed showing some man-tears.
8:33: If you're playing the drinking game, you'd be drunk by now.
8:34: Just because you need the money the most, Blakely, doesn't mean you deserve the money the most. There's a jump in logic there.
8:39: Is Nick sorta going bald, or is that just me?
8:41: I feel like they're putting Nick's interviews on the show simply because there's nobody else left.
8:50: What the hell? Glee isn't on ABC.
8:51: Brad the Glee pianist!
8:52: Why does everyone on the show keep on pronouncing the "G" in "singer"? It's driving me insane.
8:55: Motorin'!
9:10: Rachel isn't that bad.
9:12: Nick! On his knees! Who is this guy?!
9:14: This is not going well.
9:16: Some epic audience shots.
9:23: You gotta give credit to Sarah for not holding back. That's about all I'm going to give her credit for.
9:26: "Pitchy"? Who are you guys, Randy Jackson? This isn't exactly American Idol here, guys.
9:28: Again, why are there two roses with stems? Where is the man-rose?
9:30: Nick and Rachel have to pick Chris and Sarah, right? There's no way that they can pick Jaclyn and Ed, right?
9:31: The Kelly Clarkson concert I went to last week was much better than this. I'm just sayin'.
9:38: It's gotta be Chris and Sarah.
9:39: Who is this guy? Nick is totally breaking out of his shell.
9:40: For the record, I would totally sell out one of my friends that I met on a reality show for a guaranteed shot at $250,000.
9:41: As always, solid background music choice by the editors.
9:46: I love how Jaclyn thinks that choosing Sarah and Chris would reflect on how Rachel feels about her. Um, maybe the $250,000 has something to do with it. Just a wild guess.
9:48: Jaclyn is a total drama queen. Why does everything have to be about her?
9:49: Separate limos for Jaclyn and Ed.
9:52: I've had just about enough of Jaclyn.
9:53: #ChrisHarrisonShockedFace
9:54: Jamie! The FMC returns!
9:57: The finale looks interesting, to put it mildly.
10:00: One more episode to go! Motorin'!
7:57: Kalon's gone, Erica's gone, Stags is gone. Among the remaining cast members are Despondent Rachel and a possible mute. Who's going to provide the entertainment now?
8:01 Nick The Mute speaks!
8:02: Who decides on the champagne toast-giver? Why did Chris get to do it this episode? Is it because he won the spelling bee challenge last week?
8:03: Nick The Mute speaks again! Also, it seems like Nick has spent some time under the sun.
8:04: Blakely on Chris: "He is a good game-player. But he's also conniving and a liar." Isn't that what normally makes someone a good "game-player"?
8:05: Tony's breaking out the stylish beater today.
8:07: Speaking of Tony's wardrobe, Dave Jacoby of the Grantland Reality Fantasy League raised a good question during last week's episode: Why was Tony in an outfit befitting a figure skater?
8:09: Trapeze time!
8:10: Tony has unfortunate fashion choices.
8:11: Nick The Mute has a personality!
8:12: Gotta be Donna!
8:15: "Sarah's TV watching is definitely paying off."
8:18: I'd be lying if I said I'm not jealous of Sarah's Bachelor/ette/Pad knowledge.
8:23: Someone call the NRA - Rachel is putting on a gun show.
8:24: Nick is making up for lost time - he's spoken more this episode than all previous episodes.
8:25: For those counting at home, that's three mentions of Tony's son tonight, and we're only 25 minutes in. This is clearly the drinking game for this episode.
8:30: Another mention of Tony's son: drink!
8:31: Solid speech by Chris, though.
8:32: Ed showing some man-tears.
8:33: If you're playing the drinking game, you'd be drunk by now.
8:34: Just because you need the money the most, Blakely, doesn't mean you deserve the money the most. There's a jump in logic there.
8:39: Is Nick sorta going bald, or is that just me?
8:41: I feel like they're putting Nick's interviews on the show simply because there's nobody else left.
8:50: What the hell? Glee isn't on ABC.
8:51: Brad the Glee pianist!
8:52: Why does everyone on the show keep on pronouncing the "G" in "singer"? It's driving me insane.
8:55: Motorin'!
9:10: Rachel isn't that bad.
9:12: Nick! On his knees! Who is this guy?!
9:14: This is not going well.
9:16: Some epic audience shots.
9:23: You gotta give credit to Sarah for not holding back. That's about all I'm going to give her credit for.
9:26: "Pitchy"? Who are you guys, Randy Jackson? This isn't exactly American Idol here, guys.
9:28: Again, why are there two roses with stems? Where is the man-rose?
9:30: Nick and Rachel have to pick Chris and Sarah, right? There's no way that they can pick Jaclyn and Ed, right?
9:31: The Kelly Clarkson concert I went to last week was much better than this. I'm just sayin'.
9:38: It's gotta be Chris and Sarah.
9:39: Who is this guy? Nick is totally breaking out of his shell.
9:40: For the record, I would totally sell out one of my friends that I met on a reality show for a guaranteed shot at $250,000.
9:41: As always, solid background music choice by the editors.
9:46: I love how Jaclyn thinks that choosing Sarah and Chris would reflect on how Rachel feels about her. Um, maybe the $250,000 has something to do with it. Just a wild guess.
9:48: Jaclyn is a total drama queen. Why does everything have to be about her?
9:49: Separate limos for Jaclyn and Ed.
9:52: I've had just about enough of Jaclyn.
9:53: #ChrisHarrisonShockedFace
9:54: Jamie! The FMC returns!
9:57: The finale looks interesting, to put it mildly.
10:00: One more episode to go! Motorin'!
Monday, August 27, 2012
Bachelor Pad: Episode #6
Just because Michael Stagliano was sent home last week, that doesn't mean I'm done with him yet - shout out to G-Unit for informing me of his upcoming concert in Toronto. Can you think of a better place to meet single ladies than at the concert of a Bachelorette castoff? I sure can't. Anyone want to be my wing-woman? Stags is also promising hugs and pictures at every show, so I don't know how you could say no.
6:40: I was involved in a Bachelor Pad e-mail discussion today (of course) when I was asked who I thought would win this season. Kalon is who I think will win. But there's one person who would be a hilarious winner: Nick, whose speaking moments on camera you could possibly count using your hands. How awesome would it be if the winner of Bachelor Pad was the guy who never said anything?
8:01: The thought of Blakely trying to spell has me giddy.
8:04: "Nick hasn't spoken this entire time." So it's not because he just gives boring interviews. Is he a mute? Does he have a social anxiety disorder? Why doesn't he speak?
8:10: This is going to be great.
8:11: There's no need to high five after correctly spelling a 4 letter word, Jaclyn.
8:12: Kalon just Clark Kent-ed us.
8:13: The three kid judges are learning that spelling is not necessary to being famous.
8:15: I love that Chris was made to spell "philanderer".
8:17: I'm flabberghasted.
8:21: Nick speaks!
8:23: Spell-off!
8:24: I love Chris Harrison and all, but he mispronounced "soiree".
8:25: Oh Kalon, why are you so awesome?
8:26: It's not serendipity that Chris spelled serendipity correctly.
8:27: Why didn't Chris get a man-rose? Why did he get one with a stem? That's poor foresight and preparation. You don't say that very often about the production crew.
8:28: Tony is a good listener. Which is important when your partner is Blakely.
8:29: Love the yellow bus to private plane cutaway contrast. The editors on this show are the best.
8:33: I wouldn't exactly use the words "kick ass" to describe your performance in the spelling bee, Chris.
8:34: If they're in wine country, why don't they stop by Ben Flajnik's vineyard in Sonoma?
8:34: Wine country is not fit for Sarah's high heels.
8:36: Gotta give it up to Chris and Sarah for yelling "Serendipity" as they jump into the lake.
8:38: Nick speaks!
8:46: I'm surprised that Rachel doesn't have a tub of ice cream in front of her right now.
8:51: "It's going to be fun spending the night with Chris in this romantic barn." Phrases that have never been uttered in the history of the English language.
8:58: That's pretty scenic.
8:59: Look at Jaclyn trying to rationalize Ed's behaviour. It's Jamie-esque.
9:02: "I've done everything so normally." Jaclyn, you slept with the guy who is infamous for drunkenly passing out in the hot tub. There's nothing normal about that.
9:09: Tony and Blakely make sense to me. Tokely? Takely? Blanely? Blony? Bony? Bony. Definitely Bony.
9:13: "I don't want to look like a whore." "I don't want to look like an asshole." Nobody likes a one-upper, Ed.
9:15: Well, this is going to end badly, Jaclyn.
9:22: This Italian mafia music montage is pretty awesome.
9:23: "Emotional alcoholics" is a fantastic phrase, and I commend you, Kalon, for coining it.
9:28: Underrated storyline the past couple of episodes that nobody is talking about: Jaclyn overtaking Lindzi as the biggest makeup abuser in the house.
9:34: Ah, so this is why Nick never speaks.
9:49: Lindzi just did Kalon's lip pout thing.
9:52: Why are they not leaving in the same limo?
9:53: YES!
9:54: That made me happy.
9:56: The trailer for next week look amazing. This show is the best.
10:00: "I need to page my son." Classic.
6:40: I was involved in a Bachelor Pad e-mail discussion today (of course) when I was asked who I thought would win this season. Kalon is who I think will win. But there's one person who would be a hilarious winner: Nick, whose speaking moments on camera you could possibly count using your hands. How awesome would it be if the winner of Bachelor Pad was the guy who never said anything?
8:01: The thought of Blakely trying to spell has me giddy.
8:04: "Nick hasn't spoken this entire time." So it's not because he just gives boring interviews. Is he a mute? Does he have a social anxiety disorder? Why doesn't he speak?
8:10: This is going to be great.
8:11: There's no need to high five after correctly spelling a 4 letter word, Jaclyn.
8:12: Kalon just Clark Kent-ed us.
8:13: The three kid judges are learning that spelling is not necessary to being famous.
8:15: I love that Chris was made to spell "philanderer".
8:17: I'm flabberghasted.
8:21: Nick speaks!
8:23: Spell-off!
8:24: I love Chris Harrison and all, but he mispronounced "soiree".
8:25: Oh Kalon, why are you so awesome?
8:26: It's not serendipity that Chris spelled serendipity correctly.
8:27: Why didn't Chris get a man-rose? Why did he get one with a stem? That's poor foresight and preparation. You don't say that very often about the production crew.
8:28: Tony is a good listener. Which is important when your partner is Blakely.
8:29: Love the yellow bus to private plane cutaway contrast. The editors on this show are the best.
8:33: I wouldn't exactly use the words "kick ass" to describe your performance in the spelling bee, Chris.
8:34: If they're in wine country, why don't they stop by Ben Flajnik's vineyard in Sonoma?
8:34: Wine country is not fit for Sarah's high heels.
8:36: Gotta give it up to Chris and Sarah for yelling "Serendipity" as they jump into the lake.
8:38: Nick speaks!
8:46: I'm surprised that Rachel doesn't have a tub of ice cream in front of her right now.
8:51: "It's going to be fun spending the night with Chris in this romantic barn." Phrases that have never been uttered in the history of the English language.
8:58: That's pretty scenic.
8:59: Look at Jaclyn trying to rationalize Ed's behaviour. It's Jamie-esque.
9:02: "I've done everything so normally." Jaclyn, you slept with the guy who is infamous for drunkenly passing out in the hot tub. There's nothing normal about that.
9:09: Tony and Blakely make sense to me. Tokely? Takely? Blanely? Blony? Bony? Bony. Definitely Bony.
9:13: "I don't want to look like a whore." "I don't want to look like an asshole." Nobody likes a one-upper, Ed.
9:15: Well, this is going to end badly, Jaclyn.
9:22: This Italian mafia music montage is pretty awesome.
9:23: "Emotional alcoholics" is a fantastic phrase, and I commend you, Kalon, for coining it.
9:28: Underrated storyline the past couple of episodes that nobody is talking about: Jaclyn overtaking Lindzi as the biggest makeup abuser in the house.
9:34: Ah, so this is why Nick never speaks.
9:49: Lindzi just did Kalon's lip pout thing.
9:52: Why are they not leaving in the same limo?
9:53: YES!
9:54: That made me happy.
9:56: The trailer for next week look amazing. This show is the best.
10:00: "I need to page my son." Classic.
Monday, August 20, 2012
Bachelor Pad: Episode #5
Chris Harrison is Tweeting ominous things about tonight's episode, which is always a good sign. Former FMC and Bachelor cast-off Ashley Spivey is also Tweeting about tonight being crazy. Since it's theoretically impossible for both Chris Harrison and an FMC to lie about the same thing, I have no choice but to assume that the following two hours of television will be epic. And just in case there's any doubt, former Bachelor Pad winner Natalie Getz is also saying the same things about what happens tonight. And yes, I know that's a disturbing amount of research to do for a reality show. Regardless, I expect nothing short of three fights, people coming close to blows, personal insults, and bucket loads of tears, and perhaps even some man-tears.
7:45: The next 15 minutes are going to feel like they're taking forever to get by.
8:00: Yes!
8:02: What? A VIP cocktail waitress turned bikini waxer could use the prize money? No way!
8:03: I kinda like Cranky Chris.
8:05: Kalon's smarmy attitude is pretty entertaining, you have to admit.
8:06: Kalon to Chris: "That's how he got Emily." Shots fired!
8:10: If you recall from this past season of The Bachlorette, Chris also called out Doug for, essentially, disrespecting him because he thought he was talking down to him. Now he wants Ed to talk to him "like a grown ass man". How come Chris has been on two different reality shows, and has somehow argued with the two nicest guys on both shows about how he is talked to? It's interesting to note that it's always the other guy's fault.
8:13: Cranky Chris has turned into Mopey Chris.
8:14: Any challenge where being a Hooters waitress gives you an advantage is probably a bad idea. Just sayin'.
8:16: Wait a second - Hooters has a VIP area?
8:17: Erica. So awesome.
8:18: I'd like to see the list of challenges where Erica would have an advantage.
8:19: I'm upset that they're not cutting to Chris doing fist pumps every time Blakely drops the cups.
8:21: A woman's history working as a Hooters waitress is becoming a point of contention on this show. Name me another show on television where this is even remotely possible.
8:26: 26 minutes into tonight's episode is the first time I've seen Nick on screen.
8:35: I enjoy Happy Lindzi.
8:36: Promotional consideration provided by Neil Lane.
8:37: Anyone want to bet me that Tony won't pull out the stop sign on his overnight date with Blakely? I'll even give you 2-1 odds on a Blakely sex denial.
8:40: I wonder if I'm going to know someone who knows someone who knows someone who will be on The Bachelor Canada.
8:43: Let's be quite honest. They were driving through the ghetto.
8:44: Zombie talk on a romantic date. Um...OK.
8:45: The softer side of Kalon.
8:46: 3 words: Legs wrapped around.
8:48: Somehow Kalon has become the hero and Chris the villain. This show is awesome.
8:51: Tony has drank some Blakely Kool-Aid.
8:52: "Kalon, are these helicopter keys?"
8:54: But what about your kid, Tony? WHAT ABOUT YOUR KID???
8:58: Lindzi legs wrapped around count: 2.
9:03: Blakely's definition of "reserved" includes her talking for a full minute, uninterrupted.
9:04: Stags For The Win.
9:05: Holly name drop.
9:06: Quotes from Rachel's interview: "spend the night", "take the next step", and "having those feelings". Someone wants to make some babies tonight.
9:08: Tony tongue sighting.
9:09: Fantastic editing by the production staff as always. Especially the cutaway from all the couples to passed out Ed.
9:10: Looks like Rachel got to make some babies after all.
9:12: Nick speaks!
9:17: Looks like it's about to get gooooooood.
9:21: Chris Harrison got a haircut.
9:22: Ed. Wow.
9:27: "We need to have that conversation, I guess." Ya think, Ed?!
9:28: Tears. Oh, the tears.
9:29: Great background music choice for the Ed/Jaclyn exchange. The production staff on this show is second to none.
9:39: I was just thinking that Chris should bring Erica into the deliberation room with her. This is effing genius.
9:43: I just realized that I called something that I would have done a genius move.
9:44: It's about to get really good.
9:46: And do you know why Erica will have justice? Because she has a gavel. Obviously.
9:49: Bombshell dropped. Do not mess with Erica Rose.
9:50: Holly reference. Shots fired. Oh my. Oh my. Oh my. Oh my.
9:53: This show is the best.
9:55: That Erica Rose diatribe was one for the ages. Wow. Still can't believe that actually happened.
9:58: Tonight might have been the greatest episode in the history of Bachelor Pad.
7:45: The next 15 minutes are going to feel like they're taking forever to get by.
8:00: Yes!
8:02: What? A VIP cocktail waitress turned bikini waxer could use the prize money? No way!
8:03: I kinda like Cranky Chris.
8:05: Kalon's smarmy attitude is pretty entertaining, you have to admit.
8:06: Kalon to Chris: "That's how he got Emily." Shots fired!
8:10: If you recall from this past season of The Bachlorette, Chris also called out Doug for, essentially, disrespecting him because he thought he was talking down to him. Now he wants Ed to talk to him "like a grown ass man". How come Chris has been on two different reality shows, and has somehow argued with the two nicest guys on both shows about how he is talked to? It's interesting to note that it's always the other guy's fault.
8:13: Cranky Chris has turned into Mopey Chris.
8:14: Any challenge where being a Hooters waitress gives you an advantage is probably a bad idea. Just sayin'.
8:16: Wait a second - Hooters has a VIP area?
8:17: Erica. So awesome.
8:18: I'd like to see the list of challenges where Erica would have an advantage.
8:19: I'm upset that they're not cutting to Chris doing fist pumps every time Blakely drops the cups.
8:21: A woman's history working as a Hooters waitress is becoming a point of contention on this show. Name me another show on television where this is even remotely possible.
8:26: 26 minutes into tonight's episode is the first time I've seen Nick on screen.
8:35: I enjoy Happy Lindzi.
8:36: Promotional consideration provided by Neil Lane.
8:37: Anyone want to bet me that Tony won't pull out the stop sign on his overnight date with Blakely? I'll even give you 2-1 odds on a Blakely sex denial.
8:40: I wonder if I'm going to know someone who knows someone who knows someone who will be on The Bachelor Canada.
8:43: Let's be quite honest. They were driving through the ghetto.
8:44: Zombie talk on a romantic date. Um...OK.
8:45: The softer side of Kalon.
8:46: 3 words: Legs wrapped around.
8:48: Somehow Kalon has become the hero and Chris the villain. This show is awesome.
8:51: Tony has drank some Blakely Kool-Aid.
8:52: "Kalon, are these helicopter keys?"
8:54: But what about your kid, Tony? WHAT ABOUT YOUR KID???
8:58: Lindzi legs wrapped around count: 2.
9:03: Blakely's definition of "reserved" includes her talking for a full minute, uninterrupted.
9:04: Stags For The Win.
9:05: Holly name drop.
9:06: Quotes from Rachel's interview: "spend the night", "take the next step", and "having those feelings". Someone wants to make some babies tonight.
9:08: Tony tongue sighting.
9:09: Fantastic editing by the production staff as always. Especially the cutaway from all the couples to passed out Ed.
9:10: Looks like Rachel got to make some babies after all.
9:12: Nick speaks!
9:17: Looks like it's about to get gooooooood.
9:21: Chris Harrison got a haircut.
9:22: Ed. Wow.
9:27: "We need to have that conversation, I guess." Ya think, Ed?!
9:28: Tears. Oh, the tears.
9:29: Great background music choice for the Ed/Jaclyn exchange. The production staff on this show is second to none.
9:39: I was just thinking that Chris should bring Erica into the deliberation room with her. This is effing genius.
9:43: I just realized that I called something that I would have done a genius move.
9:44: It's about to get really good.
9:46: And do you know why Erica will have justice? Because she has a gavel. Obviously.
9:49: Bombshell dropped. Do not mess with Erica Rose.
9:50: Holly reference. Shots fired. Oh my. Oh my. Oh my. Oh my.
9:53: This show is the best.
9:55: That Erica Rose diatribe was one for the ages. Wow. Still can't believe that actually happened.
9:58: Tonight might have been the greatest episode in the history of Bachelor Pad.
Monday, August 13, 2012
Bachelor Pad: Episode #4
Courtesy of Grantland Reality TV Czar Dave Jacoby, I pass along the great gift that is the Michael Stagliano power ballad music video. Yes, this absolutely happened. Shockingly, it's pretty good, given the low expectations that have been set by previous reality TV stars who tried to start a music career, with undeniably disastrous results.
7:59: I'm very excited for tonight.
8:07: FMC Jamie says she feels like she can't turn to anyone in the house. As far as I'm concerned, that's her way of saying she wishes I was on the show with her. Clearly.
8:10: These "truth" challenges are always brutal. Sh!t gets real.
8:12: It's not Kalon?!
8:13: "I'm so misunderstood." Kalon is slowly winning me over.
8:15: "Sexy thoughts" for the win.
8:24: Oh Jamie.
8:27: Maybe I'm blinded by her FMC-ness, but I feel bad for Jamie and don't think she's done anything wrong besides being a bit naive.
8:32: I love that there's a fight over Ed, the naked drunk guy.
8:34: Chavez Ravine! Best date ever.
8:35: "Who doesn't have a crush on Ed?" Does this include man-crushes, because I'm guilty if that's true.
8:36: Only on this show could a guy who gets drunk, ends up naked in the hot tub, and sleeps with different women on consecutive nights, be the basis of a "Who doesn't have a crush on Ed?" rhetorical question.
8:42: How many times do people in the confessional use the word "everyone" to project their feelings on one person? "Everyone is annoyed with Blakely." "Jamie has hit on every guy."
8:45: Oh Jamie. My god.
8:46: Ed has the same reaction to fireworks at Dodger Stadium as drunken sex.
8:48: Jamie likes to talk. I would listen.
8:49: I wonder if Jamie would think I'm "surprisingly wonderful"...
8:53: Well done, Chris. Well done.
8:55: I still can't believe he did that. Chris is like a superhero villain.
8:56: Oh Jamie. Ooooh Jamie. This is what we call "rationalizing".
8:57: By the way, Jamie's going home tonight. I'm calling it right now.
9:13: Love the porn music starting up when Sarah jumped on Chris' lap in the pool.
9:15: Let's make one thing clear. Blakely didn't "get over" Chris. Blakely got rejected, and had no other choice but to move on.
9:17: Oh no, Jamie. Oh no.
9:19: Jamie is like the car wreck that you can't help but stare at as you drive by.
9:23: Is there any way that David and Jamie aren't going home tonight?
9:26: Gotta give Dave credit for finding the Nick soft spot. He's learned a lot from the first day. Mad respect.
9:27: Nick speaks!
9:31: Why didn't Jamie hook up with Nick instead? He seems like a nice guy and he's pretty good looking. Actually, why hasn't any of the girls hooked up with him? Is it because he also never speaks in the house just like on the show?
9:41: Kalon is absolutely killing it on this show. He's effing brilliant.
9:47: As I said, is there any way that David and Jamie aren't going home tonight?
9:49: The Jamie goodbyes will be interesting.
9:50: Hell hath no fury like a Blakely scorned.
9:51: Jamie tears time. I'm calling it. Once more, for old time's sake.
9:52: David tears instead! Swerve!
9:53: You can trust 'ol Channy, Jamie.
9:54: I love that Blakely is leading the toast.
9:55: Next week looks epic.
9:56: I think it's safe to say that I'm a huge fan of this show, but even I would never say that being on the show was the greatest four weeks of my life like Dave did in the limo. Like, c'mon dude. That's just a silly statement.
9:59: Are people going to watch Bachelor Canada? Or is that going to be a poor man's version of the American version that nobody watches, like Canadian Idol?
10:00: Stags is a breakout musical star!
7:59: I'm very excited for tonight.
8:07: FMC Jamie says she feels like she can't turn to anyone in the house. As far as I'm concerned, that's her way of saying she wishes I was on the show with her. Clearly.
8:10: These "truth" challenges are always brutal. Sh!t gets real.
8:12: It's not Kalon?!
8:13: "I'm so misunderstood." Kalon is slowly winning me over.
8:15: "Sexy thoughts" for the win.
8:24: Oh Jamie.
8:27: Maybe I'm blinded by her FMC-ness, but I feel bad for Jamie and don't think she's done anything wrong besides being a bit naive.
8:32: I love that there's a fight over Ed, the naked drunk guy.
8:34: Chavez Ravine! Best date ever.
8:35: "Who doesn't have a crush on Ed?" Does this include man-crushes, because I'm guilty if that's true.
8:36: Only on this show could a guy who gets drunk, ends up naked in the hot tub, and sleeps with different women on consecutive nights, be the basis of a "Who doesn't have a crush on Ed?" rhetorical question.
8:42: How many times do people in the confessional use the word "everyone" to project their feelings on one person? "Everyone is annoyed with Blakely." "Jamie has hit on every guy."
8:45: Oh Jamie. My god.
8:46: Ed has the same reaction to fireworks at Dodger Stadium as drunken sex.
8:48: Jamie likes to talk. I would listen.
8:49: I wonder if Jamie would think I'm "surprisingly wonderful"...
8:53: Well done, Chris. Well done.
8:55: I still can't believe he did that. Chris is like a superhero villain.
8:56: Oh Jamie. Ooooh Jamie. This is what we call "rationalizing".
8:57: By the way, Jamie's going home tonight. I'm calling it right now.
9:13: Love the porn music starting up when Sarah jumped on Chris' lap in the pool.
9:15: Let's make one thing clear. Blakely didn't "get over" Chris. Blakely got rejected, and had no other choice but to move on.
9:17: Oh no, Jamie. Oh no.
9:19: Jamie is like the car wreck that you can't help but stare at as you drive by.
9:23: Is there any way that David and Jamie aren't going home tonight?
9:26: Gotta give Dave credit for finding the Nick soft spot. He's learned a lot from the first day. Mad respect.
9:27: Nick speaks!
9:31: Why didn't Jamie hook up with Nick instead? He seems like a nice guy and he's pretty good looking. Actually, why hasn't any of the girls hooked up with him? Is it because he also never speaks in the house just like on the show?
9:41: Kalon is absolutely killing it on this show. He's effing brilliant.
9:47: As I said, is there any way that David and Jamie aren't going home tonight?
9:49: The Jamie goodbyes will be interesting.
9:50: Hell hath no fury like a Blakely scorned.
9:51: Jamie tears time. I'm calling it. Once more, for old time's sake.
9:52: David tears instead! Swerve!
9:53: You can trust 'ol Channy, Jamie.
9:54: I love that Blakely is leading the toast.
9:55: Next week looks epic.
9:56: I think it's safe to say that I'm a huge fan of this show, but even I would never say that being on the show was the greatest four weeks of my life like Dave did in the limo. Like, c'mon dude. That's just a silly statement.
9:59: Are people going to watch Bachelor Canada? Or is that going to be a poor man's version of the American version that nobody watches, like Canadian Idol?
10:00: Stags is a breakout musical star!
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